Friday, July 04, 2008

Throwdown 7/4

Random thoughts, questions, and observations for the week.

1. The big news this week: Angelina Jolie Baby Watch. Seriously, I flipped past E! (Porn for 13 Year-Old Boys!) and they actually broke into a program to talk to the French doctor (no translation) because they were, and I quote, “on Brangelina Baby Watch High Alert!” I honestly can’t imagine anything more pathetic right now than people glued to E! in the hopes that Angelina will have those twins. Wow, chick’s going to pump out a unit; has that ever happened before?

2. Has anyone else seen the trailer for The Tale of Despereaux? Wow, they’ve taken all of the heroic character and flavor out of Kate DiCamillo’s lovely book and put in a lot of jokes and a very contemporary mindset. Why do they keep doing this in animation? Why not just make a good movie instead of worrying how jokey it is? Sylvain Chomet, director of one of the best animated films I’ve ever seen, The Triplets of Belleville, left the project some time ago because it was obvious to him that Universal wanted something more commercial and less dark. Sounds awesome… I’m disappointed they went this route. It could’ve been a very good movie. Instead it looks like a DreamWorks rip off.

3. And where is Where the Wild Things Are? After seeing that test clip that went around, which was oddly beautiful, I really was getting excited about seeing the movie. Then they pushed it back a year, and now Warner Bros. has completely taken it off their schedule. Do you think they’re really just reshooting the entire movie to make it more kid-friendly and give it lots of jokes about farting and getting whacked in the balls? Isn’t there some kind of bootleg or download we can just all pirate and see? Because I want to see the movie that has the same tone as the test clip. And I want to see Fanboys. Do movie studios still claim they have no idea why people pirate these things?

4. Stephen Baldwin says he’ll leave the country if Obama wins the election. Stephen Baldwin needs to shut up, lest he look like as big a fool as his brother Alec did when Alec said he’d leave the country if Bush got elected, then didn’t leave the country. You Hollywood dopes just keep talking. Nothing you say really matters.

5. Crocs? Well, there goes the last bit of Steven Tyler’s credibility. Hard rockers should all die before they hit 40 at the latest. Unless they’re in the Rolling Stones.

6. Last week, in tribute to George Carlin, NBC aired the first episode of Saturday Night Live, from 1975, which George had hosted. It was a lot of fun to watch it; I love the old SNL, but I haven’t picked up the DVD sets (they’re more than I can/want to pay), so I’ve only seen the old show in those half-hour best-ofs they used to air on Nick at Nite (or on old compilation videos like The Best of John Belushi or Gilda Radner or Chevy Chase or what have you. I’d never, for example, seen any of Jim Henson’s SNL material. It was great to see the whole episode. At some point, they advertised that next week’s show (tomorrow’s) would be a rerun of an episode I didn’t see with Jon Bon Jovi and some other guy, and I thought: Wow, wouldn’t it be great if they just aired old episodes during the summer? Then I’d actually watch it. And frankly, it might be a good idea to just air old episodes all year long…

7. Donald Trump is badmouthing Anne Hathaway for possibly ratting out her criminal boyfriend to the FBI, saying she ran as soon as the money ran out. Don’t you just think it’s hilarious that Trump still thinks he’s in some kind of position to look down on anyone anywhere for anything?

8. I used to like Will Smith a lot. Then I got a little tired of him. Now I actively hate him, if only because he won’t just come out and admit that he’s a scientologist. Just admit it. You’re a member of the “church” (good to see other bloggers finally putting it in quotes like I do, by the way), you started a scientology school, and your new movie, Hancock, is a scientology movie. I know it is, because I read the script, and just like in Phenomenon, it’s all about powers that come from scientology and Thetans and all of that garbage. They should just call the movie Super Thetan. You’re just saying you’re not because you don’t want to fuck up the box office. Good luck with that.

9. Sophia Loren is asking people to help clear out the garbage and clean up her beloved Naples. I hereby volunteer to give La Loren’s Naples as much of a cleaning as she wants or needs.

10. I’ve seen a lot of disproportional outrage this week regarding Barack Obama. Now that he’s the nominee, he’s kind of thrown and Scarlett “We’re email BFFs” Johansson and Wesley “Making an actual legitimate point” Clark out of his way. And he’s back down from his positions on NAFTA (no longer “a mistake,” that was apparently “amplified”), handgun bans (now they don’t seem like a great idea), and FISA (maybe telecoms should get immunity). He’s also, rather unsurprisingly (he needs the religious vote, after all) decided to make expanding funding to “faith-based programs” the “moral center” of his campaign. The thing that gets me is the number of people who are already crying betrayal on this, as if a politician has never moved to the center and pandered some to get elected before. I still trust him a hell of a lot more than I trust McCain. Give me a break, is he running for president or messiah? He’s just a politician, and if you’re still looking to politicians to save us…well, maybe it’s time to grow up a little.

11. By the way, the Associated Press reported that, in a poll, it was shown that more people would rather have a cookout with Obama than McCain. I assume this story was written for five-year-old, because the AP actually reported “People would rather barbecue burgers with Barack than munch meats with McCain,” in what I assume someone very, very, very old thought was a bit of clever wordplay. I guess we can call the election now, since this is usually how they’re decided.

12. And, finally, another piece of my childhood goes: Larry Harmon, the best Bozo the Clown (Pinto Colvig was the first), died yesterday. He was 83. Congestive heart failure. Of course, pieces of your childhood never die; it’s always there in your mind. But the man who made it is gone, and that’s pretty sad. Rest easy.

13. Oh, but wait, there’s good news to end on: Jesse Helms finally died. Let me just say: good. Have a happy Fourth!


JA said...

I'm watching the fireworks tonight with the belief that they are in celebration of the exit of Mr. Helms from the planet. Evil fucking cunt bastard fuck. Ahem. Good riddance!

Happy 4th, Aaron!

Anonymous said...

First - the picture of Trump's sweep over is priceless!

And I agree with you. People need to settle down about the candidates. The rhetoric is over the top.

NJR said...

The Rolling Stones have no right to claim exemption.

Helms: RIH (Rot In Hell).

gilligan said...

You're right about Will Smith - he's wearing thin with me too. I'm not sure why it is, but a celebrity can generally only get so famous before I start hating them. What's the deal? Case in point, John Travolta - I was with him up till Pulp Fiction, and he lost me at Michael, Face/Off and Phenominon.

I could say the same for Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks, etc. etc.

Oh well, like these billionaires care what I think.

Swinebread said...

"Stephen Baldwin says he’ll leave the country if Obama wins the election"

wow, another reason to vote for Obama

JP said...

>>Hard rockers should all die before they hit 40 at the latest. Unless they’re in the Rolling Stones.

True or not, that's a great line.

I always assumed that the quotes were taken for granted in any case whenever the word church was used in any context. Y'know, like how it isn't felt incumbent to put unicorn, gryphon, philosopher's stone, truth, sanity and justice in quotes each time...

Have a happy 4th, from one former colony to another.

Distributorcap said...

lets hold steven baldwin to his word -- one less douchebag in the us

and no helms - -that is 2 LESS douchebags. no one should shed a tear for jesse. the worst of the worst

SamuraiFrog said...

JA: Good riddance indeed!

DCup: Why is every election a fight to the death now? It's kind of scary.

NJR: Well, they're the Stones, ain't they? I can live with the Stones.

Gilligan: But we care, so that's good. And yeah, totally with you on Travolta and the rest.

Swinebread: He just keeps sweetening the deal.

JP: True. I just think of Harlan Ellison saying that capitalizing certain words gives them more power than they deserve. Everyone capitalizes scientology and church, and it's BS.

DC: America: We've Got Less Douchebags Now. Sounds like a good ad campaign.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Steven Tyler had credibility left? That's a shock to me.

Semaj said...

Will Smith School: Yeah, he's been hanging out with Tom Cruise too much to keep denying that he's not with the church.

The hidden Scientology school is really starting to piss me off.

They'll trick these families into going to that school and then charge them with those alien tests later on. and keep charging them.

Will Smith needs to distance himself from these people.

SamuraiFrog said...

Dr. Monkey: Well, not very much if the Crocs can do away with it.

Semaj: Yeah, it pisses me off, too. If their religion is so great and helpful, why do they hide all of this stuff?

Johnny Yen said...

We had that SNL on at work last Saturday. I hadn't seen it in a while-- I'd seen it for the first time in the mid-nineties when I rented it at a video store. I didn't discover SNL until it was 3 or 4 episodes into the first season (Richard Pryor's first appearance was the first one I saw.)

I am mystified by American's inability to understand that in a democracy, there is an inevitable move to the center. Like you said, time for them to grow up.

Johnny Yen said...

Oh, and goodbye and good riddance to Jesse Helms. It made my Fourth very happy.

SamuraiFrog said...

It's astounding the number of people who are now feeling betrayed by Obama. Editorials are being written about it in newspapers. Just imagine how much worse it could be! What are those people going to do now? Vote for McCain?