Thursday, September 04, 2014

It Feels Like Autumn Today

It's been a few weeks bouncing between anxiety and depression, but yesterday was a good day, and today I'm back with my regular therapist. I got to see her early, and it's a cold, cloudy, dark, extremely rainy day today. I'm unusually comfortable with myself right now (confidence is confusing), so I just threw on a light tee shirt and a pair of track pants and we had a nice session. I sort of feel like things are back to what passes for normal for me.

Anyway, after therapy, we went to eat at my favorite diner in DeKalb. I like to occasionally break out of my bacon-eggs-toast-coffee usual, and they've just put pumpkin french toast on the menu. I thought I'd give it a try, and boy, I'm sure glad I did. It's made with pumpkin bread that has cream cheese inside it. Battered up, fried, and topped with cinnamon and whipped cream. It was so sweet and delicious that I didn't even bother with maple syrup. I ate it very slowly because I didn't want it to end. Had a side of their smoky, savory, thick bacon with it, drank my coffee, did the crossword. But most importantly, I just was. You know how they tell you to just be? I just was. Everything was copacetic, and it was perfect.

The thing I always get caught up in is worry that nice moments aren't going to last. But... well, they just aren't, are they? That doesn't diminish them. Getting caught up in worry does. And today, I haven't worried. This is unusual for me, and I'm sure it can't last, but that's okay. Like my previous therapist used to say, everyone's happy until they're not. That's just life. You can't stop bad things from happening, but you can try to control your outlook. (I had to qualify that with "try." That's just me.)

So, yeah, even though it's technically not fall yet, this is the kind of early fall day I love. The storms, the quiet between them, drinking coffee and eating bacon and pumpkin french toast, thinking about how it'll be Halloween soon enough and just existing and appreciating and enjoying my day.

On that note, I've had this song going through my head this morning. I haven't heard it in a long time, but I managed to find it on YouTube, and it's making me even happier. It makes me cry, but it makes me happy.

I grew up listening to Roger Whittaker's Folk Songs of Our Time. It always makes me feel good. It makes me feel home. I have it on vinyl and I ganked my Mom's cassette copy years ago (Ma, if you're reading this, you're not getting it back), but it's never been available in any digital form, damn it. But just to hear this again now... I still remember every word. And it's so perfect for today. This is the mood I'm in. Wistful, but comfortable and happy.

It's hard to admit I'm happy, but I really am.


Reader Wil said...

I am glad you are happy again. I think that moments of happiness will continue to live as wonderful memories.
I also love the "Ashgrove". I bought a tape with songs sung by a Welsh miners'choir. We also have a new hymnbook in which there is a hymn with the same tune!That makes me happy.
Wil, ABCW Team.

Devilham said...

Love it. Glad you had a good day my man, I hope for many more.

Roger Owen Green said...

Good deal, Frog. Makes me hungry, though, and it's only 5 a.m., and I need a fasting blood test which I can't get until 7:45...

Kelly Sedinger said...

Oh my...that reminds me that pumpkin rolls will be showing up at The Store's bakery soon....