Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Answers, Part VII

Here's the final round of answers. Before I begin, I want to thank everyone who asked a question. Thanks for everything!

The Pretentious Know It All asks: If you could greenlight a movie with endless resources and money, what movie would you greenlight? Basically--what do you want to see?

I want to see The Last Unicorn made in live action, but I wanted to see it with Christopher Lee in the role of King Haggard, and I'm not sure if he can still do it now. (I love that man, but considering his entire role in the first Hobbit was just sitting, it seems his health may have taken him out of the running.) If it were possible, that's what I'd love to see.

Kelly asks: Someone from some other place comes to you and says, "Take me to see the most awesome thing in Chicago." What do you take them to see?

I agonized over this one for a while. It's tempting to say Millennium Park, or Wrigley Field, or the Field Museum or my beloved Brookfield Zoo. But I think I'd have to go with something I did as a kid: the Chicago Architecture Cruise. You get on a boat and head up the north and south branches of the Chicago River and get a look at some of Chicago's magnificent architecture. My contention is that Chicago has America's prettiest buildings, so it's neat to see the place from the river and just gawk at the incredible architecture. The Lyric Opera building alone is amazing.

Roger asks: If you had a record of 30 years of not picking the Playmate of the Year, then finally picking one - see Dustbury - would you continue on or retire with the victory. And what's your record on these picks, if it's easily retrievable?

I think I'd retire with my win. I never predicted the outcomes here, but I did rank each year's Playmates just for myself for no real reason. Well, except that I used to love Playboy. I haven't done it the last few years because I don't read the magazine anymore. 2011 was the last year I did it. And I said later that I felt my 2010 rankings were wrong and I really should have put Claire Sinclair at the top.

(Incidentally, I also once ranked My 100 Favorite Playmates.)

Here are a pair of questions from New York Erratic. First: What is the worst movie you've ever seen? Really terrible; they'd-force-you-to-watch-it-on-repeat-in-Gitmo bad. What's the best "bad movie" - super awful but wonderfully awful. Piranhas II awful.

The worse movie I've ever seen is Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones, which is just a bizarre and sick movie about how great it is to be dead, I guess? And how God's plan includes evil and the victims of tragic evil are happier now, or something? I don't usually find movies flat-out offensive, but I was offended by that one and by how the movie wanted us to feel that something poetic and deep was going on.

Honorable mention: that 1959 Mexican Santa Claus that they did on Mystery Science Theater 3000. I saw the movie before I saw the MST3K episode--someone actually loaned me the DVD and told me I should watch it because it was so bizarre--and it's not even bad in a way that you can laugh it. It is literally the death of all joy in the universe.

The best bad movie? That one is harder. There are a lot of movies that consistently make lists of the worst movies ever made that I actually really, really like. I don't consider them bad movies. I love them, even if they're silly. I'm trying to think of a movie that I enjoy because it's sublimely bad. Like the way people seem to love The Room (which I've never seen). Or, honestly, like how I dig High School Musical 2 even though because it's really bad. (Or basically the reason I watch Lifetime movies.)

Probably my favorite awful movie is The Crush with Alicia Silverstone and Cary Elwes. There's really no defending it: it's a bad, poorly made, terribly sexist movie about a crazy girl with a crush on an older man who gets all manipulative and possessive, and it is absolutely hilarious. It's just everything that is wrong with pop culture of the early 90s, and it is always, always hilarious. When I first moved here, it was on Encore constantly, and I watched it way too many times because it just cracks me up so hard with its over-the-top histrionics.

One more from NYE: What is your dream vacation? No rules on place/ time/ whether it's real.

It's still Disneyland. Everyone tells me Walt Disney World, but I want to see Walt's original. (Or, you know, what's left of it.) Trivia: Disneyland opened on my birthday, just 21 years earlier.

And another one more from NYE: What is the best thing that has happened to you in the past year?

Being the best man at my friends Carl and Kate's wedding. That was something that challenged me, that honestly scared me, and that I have to give myself some credit and say that I came through really, really well. It was a rewarding, enriching experience and I'm so glad that I did it. And I'm grateful to them for going out of their way to make me a part of it.

Well, that's it for the Answers posts! Thanks again for asking, and maybe we'll do this again next year!

1 comment:

Tallulah Morehead said...

Very sadly, don't look for Sir Christopher Lee to do more than sit or lie in any remaining films. (He also never stood up in Dark Shadows and Burke and Hare, and his standing shot in An Unexpected Journey is his face, photographed in England, placed over the body of a standing man filmed in New Zealand.) Sir Christopher can no longer stand nor walk unsupported,and is no longer able to leave England.

We must be joyful that we had so much of him for so long, and that his spirit and his voice endure still. (The man did just release a Heavy Metal album last week. And made personal appearances to promote it.)