Wednesday, April 02, 2014

L Is for Lazy

When I was in fifth grade, I had a teacher who used to get her students meaningful Christmas presents. For example, she would give the kids who talked the most in class miniature plungers and tell the kids they were for their mouths. It actually kind of sounds mean-spirited, but she had a way of making it clear that they were gag gifts. She wasn't trying to tear anyone down.

I had a habit of not doing my homework, so she got me a copy of Roger Hargreaves' Mr. Lazy. I think I still have this around here somewhere. It's true: I am pretty lazy. I'm low-functioning, as my therapist calls it. And I'm not very motivated.

I was just thinking of this today because it's Wednesday and those days can be pretty lazy for me. I'm coming out of a few weeks of intense depression, and I'm trying to take it a bit easy. I always try to take it easy on Wednesdays. I don't always succeed.

What is it about Wednesdays? Well, it's the day my wife spends the longest working. She works for four different vendors, and Wednesday is a heavy day. She's out all over town for anywhere between 8 and 12 hours. Sometimes it's longer, particularly around the holidays, and I'm going to bed alone because she doesn't get home until 2:30 or 3 in the morning.

It's hard for me... ever since I came off of Lexapro in 2012, my mental and emotional issues have been much more pronounced, and my age-old issues with being neglected as a child tend to come into play when I'm alone for a very long time. I'm lonely, so I try to be lazy and just relax and watch movies or read. And, you know, take Xanax. A warm coffee and a book do a lot to take me out of myself.

Why did I have so much trouble in math in fifth grade? I was certainly low-functioning then. I lagged behind in math and it made me feel stupid, and so I just didn't do my homework because it made me feel stupid, and I didn't ask for help because for some reason that just felt wrong to me. To this day, I won't ask for help when I really need it because I feel like I shouldn't impose myself on anyone. It makes the simplest things hard, because over the past few years I find myself flustered and confused very easily.

This is my Wednesday, generally.

Time to shut down, make some coffee, and read.

ABC Wednesday


Carver said...

That is terrible when children end up not wanting to ask for help. Carver, ABC Wed. Team

Roger Owen Green said...

My hardest day is Thursday. Bring in the milk in the a.m., choir, then taking out the trash out. Barely see the wife and Daughter.