Wednesday, September 05, 2012

MasterChef Observations

Have to admit, I don't really care anymore. And it's not because Monti's gone (though that still sucks), it's because it's gone on for far too long. Do you realize that when we finally roll around to next week's finale, it will have been 20 episodes of MasterChef? That's far too many. This series needs to be maybe 12 episodes. And they need to be aired continuously; hiding from the Olympics killed the forward momentum, and now it's after Labor Day and the kids are in school and the holidays are around the corner, and MasterChef is somehow still fucking on. Just pick a winner for us to never care about again and move on, already!

Much the same way you know that every competition on Hell's Kitchen is going to come down to a dramatic tiebreaker, you also knew that it was going to be the two remaining women battling it out for the honor of who gets to face Josh in the finale. There was no way it was going to be a Becky/Christine finale, because this isn't a show about talent in the first place. Becky could've been a hundred times better chef than Josh, she still would have gone home, because it was going to be a boy and girl. So now we'll have an hour of Josh's generic, oddly-conviction-free trash talk against being reminded every five minutes that Christine is an inspiration to us all.

(By the way, Joe's little explosion of Christine-worship in this episode came across as obnoxious and condescending. Like he's still so amazed that Christine can walk upright and form basic sentences because she's blind. "HUH?! YOU TASTE AND ADJUST!!! IS THAT HOW A PERSON COOKS! AMAZING!!!!!!")

(But Graham still wins for most pretentious chef. Seriously, the thinking face you obviously practiced in front of a mirror needs to be retired. When he starts pressing his pinkie finger to his chin, I'm out.)

The big return of the previous contestants did absolutely nothing except make me wonder who half of them were. I only vaguely remembered a couple of them, but in my defense, this show's been on for longer than summer school lasted, and with less quantifiable results.

End already.

:: Hell's Kitchen: Same problem. Too long. It will also be 20 episodes of a show that should go for maybe 10, and which has settled so far into predictability that they had to throw Penn & Teller into this season's "make the chefs cook for big name chefs in front of a live audience" episode. All I know is that I really can't stand Justin. Yeah, we get it, this is the most important thing in the history of ever and everyone's job is to make you a winner. That's really inspiring. Real leadership. I get that daddy won't love you if you fail--and seriously, did you see that guy? He might as well have been wearing a sign that said "I withhold all affection unless you succeed."--but come on, give your troops a reason to fight beyond "I want to win and it's your job to make sure that I do."

I just don't care who wins. Last night's episode would have been 20 minutes long without all of the filler retrospectives. Yeah, they had a hard road. I remember. Stop killing the momentum and... fuck it, let's just go straight to the inconsequential outcome. It's not like anyone cares or remembers who wins, anyway.

1 comment:

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