Tuesday, August 21, 2012

MasterChef Observations

Monti gone; show over.

Still calling Frank to win. Although they really couldn't get their tongues out of Christine's ass tonight. Three minutes? THREE MINUTES of treacly piano music and the judges just rimming her deep about how amazing she is and how she's sent straight from heaven to teach us about food and flavor and the incredibleness of being handicapped and still being able to do, like, people things and why there's hope on the horizon and to smile at the sun and how to love each other the way we like to think we did once so that when the storm clouds form and all seems lost we can look right into the storm and see that, yes, there are cracks where the light shines through. Truly, a light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it, and that light is Christine. Good god, did you know she's BLIND, YOU GUYS? HOW AMAZING!

Joe gave her the ultimate compliment and told her how they were alike.

Other observations:

:: The Becky-Bot was really on the fritz tonight, doing that head cock that says "Judges not praise Becky? Judges praise not-Becky? Becky not compute!" Christ, she really bugged me this week. She doesn't knock it out of the park this week, and the judges come down on her. She gets upset and tells the camera that she feels she's being treated unfairly; that they "expect more of me, so that if, God forbid, I don’t do something perfect, I get reamed for it." Yes. Yes, that's how life works. When you produce whatever it is you produce at a high quality, and then your standards dip, people get disappointed. Why are you just now learning a lesson that a third-grader learns? (This is the same person who thinks being a food photographer is the same thing as being a chef, though. Food photographer is a job that just sort of says "My parents still pay my rent.")

:: I think I've had enough of Josh now. He can be kind of a baby, and he has the same entitlement issues as the Becky-Bot. Monti may have had limited experience, but she never lost her enthusiasm. She always acted like she was amazed to be there and wasn't going to waste the opportunity. Josh just sort of seems to have this air of "I deserve this" and acts like he's on the same level as the judges. It didn't surprise me that he was in the bottom three; he arrogantly decided he could do Graham's dish better than Graham, openly criticized it, and then messed up. (Becca went off on quite the rant about his wording. "Don't say yours is better, say that you want to put a personal spin on it or something!") Ever notice how many people who win the Mystery Box challenge waste their advantages? It's because they think the advantage alone means they've already half-won.

(Josh trying to improve Graham's sashimi, by the way, was still nowhere near as hilarious as Tali trying to explain to Gordon how to cook meat.)

:: Graham's dishes... well, my palette isn't sophisticated, but I wouldn't have eaten any of it. When he described what went into the tuna sashimi, it just sounded bitter to me. I turned to Becca and said "Why don't I just gargle hydrochloric acid, instead?" Which I'd honestly rather do than eat shallots. But like I said, I'm not sophisticated.

Of course, everyone's cooking with Wal-Mart ingredients, so it's not like that matters, right?

:: Brief Hell's Kitchen observation: Barbie was up for elimination, and this is the first time when I actually felt she deserved to be there. She screwed up pretty terribly and I was honestly surprised when Clemenza went home instead of her. (Also, Justin deciding--after Barbie picked him to share in her reward--that she wasn't as bad as the girls keep saying was hilariously douchey.)


Kelly Sedinger said...

Are they even going to bother airing the last few episodes? Without Monti, I know I'll be paying a LOT less attention. I has a sad.

I get that I'm not there tasting the food, so I don't really know, but Ye Gods -- that was the FIRST time Monti has been up there as a Bottom Three candidate the entire season. Not only has Josh been there before, he's been there AND BEEN ELIMINATED before! That, coupled with the fact that he was up there as one of the Bottom Two after picking the damn dish and being literally handed a box of the ingredients, really makes me wonder if the judges aren't trying to shape a narrative of sorts. (Which we know they are.)

Why no job offer for Monti? Graham hired the wildly inconsistent David Martinez on the spot last week. I know that she doesn't live where any of the three judges live, but shit, why not have Joe say, "I'll put up the down payment for your food truck"?

Oh well, now I can start work on that Monti appreciation post. Monti Carlo forever!!!

Kelly Sedinger said...

Oh, and I'm thinking a Frank vs Christine final, and between the two...jeez, I don't know.

Chef said...

When shallots are done properly, they are sweeter than onions, if you have the opportunity, have someone that knows food to use them instead of onion, maybe you'd enjoy them.