Sunday, July 08, 2012

Meme On

Ganked this questionnaire from Jaquandor. Haven't done one in a long time. Sorry, I haven't gotten any less uninteresting since whenever the hell that was.

Q: If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?

The only thing I can think of that I do that's close to this is wanting to read books that are banned. Whenever some book creates a controversy and starts getting banned by a bunch of white people, I want to read the book, because I don't like being told what I can and can't read.

Q: Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control?

I wish I had more control over my weight, health, mental state, emotional state. I mean, I can control those things, it's just figuring out where and how I can do it. That's sort of been the struggle for me for the last four or so years. So I'm working hard on that now. I have to say, there's not a lot of places where I feel especially in control of anything. But I've made peace with the uncertainty in a lot of areas.

Q: If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?

All of my afternoons are free; I'm unemployed.

Q: Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?

Depends on what I want to do. If I'm trying to make coffee and the kitchen is a mess, I can't deal with anything until all of the dishes are in the dishwasher and the garbage is taken out. Other times, I'm okay with a bit of a mess. I genuinely enjoy cleaning, but I'm also really lazy.

Q: How much time do you spend looking for things you can’t find?

Ugh. That's a real problem sometimes. Sometimes I'll let it go, and sometimes I'll get completely obsessed until I'm almost blacking out with frustration. Depends if I took my pills first thing in the morning or no. Now that I'm not on Lexapro, I have to be very careful not to flood my system with irrational anger. I've been doing a much better job of it lately.

Q: Are you motivated by competition?

I'm frustrated by competition, but only in really stupid things, like playing games online. What's annoying about my life is that I can get frustrated over little things that don't matter, because those things make me feel powerless. When it comes to things that frustrate me and which I'm truly powerless over, I'm pretty sanguine. I'm able to accept those things. Why can't I accept the little things, too?

Q: Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?

Yes. And I'm more likely to do it, too.

Q: Do you work constantly? or think you should be working?

No, not at all. At some point, I just lost the motivation. If I'm actually at a school working, I'll work constantly, I'll stay late, I'll volunteer to help get things done. I just want to be useful. But here at home, I'm actually too relaxed.

Q: Do you embrace rules or flout rules?

Depends on the situation.

Q: Do you work well under pressure?

If I pace myself, yes. I put myself under a lot of pressure, for example, to pass my final math class at NIU. I was nervous because I'd failed it twice; I've been bad at math since the third grade. I started to panic immediately when I took it the last time, but then I forced myself to slow down, read everything, do everything right, and I did so well that I didn't even have to take the final: it was an automatic A if you aced all of the quizzes, homework and projects, which I did. It was the best I'd ever done at math, and I was 30 years old.

Q: What would your perfect day look like?

All I want is a lovely breakfast, coffee, a nice breeze, maybe a little Pet Sounds, something fun, and the people I love. And I have that a lot. I don't need to do something big. I just need to be.

Q: How much TV do you watch in a week (include computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?

Depends on the time of the year. If the TV shows are back on, a lot more. I don't count watching movies as watching TV. Different experience altogether. But I do watch a lot of TV, ever since I was four.

Q: Are you a morning person or a night person?

Morning. Especially if I get up early. I like the early morning better than any other time of day. I'm more creative then, too.

Q: What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?

Depends on which I need more. I honestly don't even think about money anymore. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I don't think about being able to spend it. I think about what I need for the home and for the bills and for the rent, but I don't think about having the money to go and buy something I really want. I just assume I don't have it, and I never think about those things anymore. It doesn't bother me. If I actually do have the money to go to a movie or buy a video game or something, that's fantastic. But I don't look at things anymore and think "Gah, if only I had the money!" I just know I don't.

Q: Do you like to be in the spotlight?

A little bit, but I'm so used to not being interesting or appealing to people that I don't let that bother me anymore, either.

Q: Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight?

You have to be going somewhere to be on hold.

Q: What would you do if you had more energy?

Walk a lot more. Right now swimming is my favorite thing in the world.

Q: If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?

No, then my mom would just move in.

Q: What people and activities energize you? Make you feel depleted?

My wife energizes me. My kitty energizes me. Swimming energizes me. Reading energizes me and can make me very animated. Breakfast energizes me; god, I love breakfast. The internet and its rampant hatred depletes me. The very human race does, with its intricate and vast stupidities.

Q: Is it hard for you to get rid of things that you no longer need or want?

Not unless it's something I'm really sentimental about. But then I'm just not going to get rid of it if it does. I've had a surprising number of possessions I've been fine just chucking out or giving away.

Q: Do you get frustrated easily?

Haven't I been saying that? HAVEN'T I BEEN SAYING THAT???

Q: On a typical night, what time do you go to bed? How many hours of sleep do you get?

I always get to bed sometime between 10 and 2. Personally, I like to get to sleep around 11 and wake up early, but it doesn't always work out that way.

Q: If at the end of the year, you had accomplished one thing, what is the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?

Losing weight. Like, a lot of weight. Triple digit weight. Probably impossible, but having a lot of energy and motivation is going to make a lot of difference.

Q: And here’s another question for you. What questions would you add to this list, to help other people know themselves better? It’s so important, and so elusive.

I want to know what everyone's favorite Muppet is. It says a lot about them.

3 comments:

Joe Owen said...

Beaker.

I was called beaker in high school, and I get it. So that's my muppet.

love the Muppets

Phillip A. Ellis said...

what's it say about me that I can't choose between Grover and Guy Smiley? :)

and you'll never get any hatred from this corner of the internet (you rawk too much for that :) )

Roger Owen Green said...

Kermit (it's the Green thing), though Rowlf will ALWAYS have a SPECIAL place in my heart from when I watched him on the JIMMY DEAN SHOW).