Thursday, July 05, 2012

MasterChef Observations

:: My favorite phrase that gets thrown around in the narration of this show: "For the first time in MasterChef history..." I always answer with a breathless "My god, you mean... both seasons?"


:: Everyone, please take the excitement down several notches. The judges ride in with food trucks, and everyone's clapping and screaming like they just saw President Obama and Spider-Man riding a flying unicorn over a double rainbow. Guys, it's 30 seconds into the episode, if you plateau this early there's nowhere else to go. Same thing when Graham is going to cook rabbit to show the chefs how bad they really are: everyone's eyes go moist like they've just been told that they're going to spend an hour hugging giant puppies. The gushing emotions on this show are utterly insane.

:: Anna, Cowboy Mike, and Tanya are gone. Well... ok. I mean, you knew it was going to happen when they get to this point and start cutting out the mid-level people. Now we've got people who are obviously talented, people who veer wildly in either direction (but at least stand out), and Josh.

:: Dear editors: You don't have to put every single thing Becky says on the air. I think it would be nice if one or two things happened that I didn't know Becky's opinion on. I'll just take it as a given that she has one and it's completely self-serving even though she genuinely believes it's fair.

:: David, your burgers were raw in the center and you were too slow, take the hit like an adult and move the fuck on. "Hey, sometimes planes crash." Ugh, shut up.

:: I like the in-kitchen episodes better than the out-in-the-world-challenge episodes. Love that my girl Monti came through again, especially since everyone keeps trying to mess her up. She almost set the kitchen on fire again. I adore her.

As for Hell's Kitchen:

:: Jesus, Robyn, this is becoming a serious problem. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Just shut up. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. She sees everything that happens on the planet as about her or in terms of how it effects her. It's old. Seriously, I know she'll be there until the end because she's just too fucking irritating and awful for the producers to actually let her go, but do we really need to see her confessionals constantly? I'll just take it on faith from now on that she's fucking horrible.

:: Also fucking horrible: Tiffany. Let's get this out of the way now: you hate Barbie possibly because she's black (everyone ganged up on the black girl right away again this season) and because she's definitely a better, more conscientious cook than you. Tiffany has no quality standards for, let's be honest, everything. And a distracting lack of energy. She talks like she was just kicked in the face by a mule; like speaking is a lazy afterthought of thinking something. But sure, I really believe you're going to kick Barbie's ass. No hurry; Gordon can see through her laziness and she'll go eventually. I just hope she doesn't take down anyone else before then, because the people left in the Red Kitchen are at least trying to work.

:: Royce, seriously: lay off the coke. It's only going to help you be the talented chef that you unwaveringly believe you are, despite your total lack of consistency.

2 comments:

Will said...

I watched my first episode of Master Chef last night. My absolute favorite part was when one of the contestants (I think it was that Monti woman) said, "Becky wants me out of the competition. In fact, I'm pretty sure she wants us ALL out of the competition.' GENIUS!

Kelly Sedinger said...

I think Monte (sp?) is terrific. I love how she looks like a complete trainwreck when she cooks, and yet, she produces something really good each and every time. Aside from all the goofy pomp pageantry which you cite, I'm really enjoying this season. (Someone needs to give Gordon Ramsay a book of adjectives. How can everything be "The! Most! STUNNING!" whatever-it-is?!)

HK: I'm rooting for Clemenza, but it didn't go well a few years ago when the finale came down to a fat older Italian guy versus a young cute chick. But all that drama with the women is really irritating. (And funny how Barbie isn't Public Enemy No. 1 anymore...and in her spats with Tiffany this week, Barbie was 100% right!)