Saturday, July 21, 2012

Fuck This Guy

By now you've all heard of what the media is sensationally calling "The Movie Theater Massacre" in Aurora, Colorado. Almost everyone I know has been writing about it. I honestly didn't feel compelled to. I try not to be as cynical as I claim to be, but I find that, deep down, I've become used to such tragedies. Are they an outrage? Yes, goddammit, yes. They are awful. I'm as thankful that no one I know was affected as I am saddened and horrified that it happened at all. But what did I actually have to say about it and, honestly, did I even need to say anything at all?

I know there's a human need to make sense of the nonsensical, to rationalize the irrational, and to find order where none exists. I'm glad that not everyone is as inured to this kind of madness as I've become. I'm cynical because I know how the cycle goes: the media reports on it, it becomes politics, everyone starts blaming violence in entertainment, there's the inevitable debate over gun control that goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing, and then something else happens and the media forgets, we forget, and those unfortunate enough to have been there or lost a loved one there are left to piece together lives that have been forever altered. It's how things work. Nothing will change except for those who had it forced upon them by James Holmes. Unless they decide they have to put metal detectors and bag check areas in movie theaters now, which wouldn't surprise me.

I don't want to get into the debates about violence in entertainment (which is bullshit--what violent video games did Genghis Khan play?) or about gun control (though, isn't it a little sad and a lot pathetic that Colorado hasn't changed it's gun laws since Columbine?). At the end of the day, all I have to say is: fuck this guy.

Seriously. That's my whole statement. Fuck James Holmes.

Fuck that asshole right in the face.

I get it, Jim. You were hurt. You were damaged by life in some way. Guess what? Most of us are. I've been so damaged not only by life, but by how I've responded to it, that every single time I think I've finally understood the extent to which I've been damaged and can work on smoothing the crumples back out, I find more damage waiting underneath. But you know what? I've never hurt anyone. I've never killed anyone. I've never left booby traps waiting to kill someone just for walking into my apartment. I've never gone through the process of buying guns and ammunition to slaughter people, just so the world finally notices how fucking angry and hurt I am.

No one has that right.

No one.

No amount of hurt and pain and anger you've suffered in your life gives you the excuse to murder people.

Don't tell me I don't understand the impetus, because I certainly do. A lot of us have had fantasies of committing acts of violence in our anger and frustration. I certainly did, especially when I was a teenager. I have rage that goes deeper than anyone even imagines. I could tell you about the time I almost hit my own mother in the head with a hammer because I was so frustrated. I've punched holes in walls. I stabbed a kid in second grade without even realizing I'd done it until immediately after (and instantly I felt sorrier than I had in my life). Did I have the right to stab Derek in the arm because I was annoyed by other things? OF COURSE NOT. I've never forgotten exactly how that felt. It was horrifying to realize I was capable of something like that.

It's a struggle to keep deep-rooted anger issues in check. I've been fighting it all my life. I don't want to give the impression that I'm some simmering cauldron of rage who could snap at any moment. I recognize when it gets to overwhelm me, and I have a lot of methods I try to use to keep it from doing so entirely. But there's never a moment, even when I'm irrational, that I think the right thing, the satisfying thing, the just thing to do is to hurt or kill another human being. I don't understand where that breaks inside of someone. I hope I never do.

James Holmes wanted to hurt a lot of people, and he did. And he probably wanted to hurt even more people. I don't know what made him snap, but I don't have any sympathy for him. I just don't. I'm tapped out. My compassion is with his victims. I make no apologies for that. I have sympathy for a person who is internalizing all of their anger and in desperate need of help and understanding. I have none for a person who hurts others.

Fuck James Holmes.

Fuck him.

2 comments:

Dr. Monkey Hussein Monkerstein said...

Fuck him with a chainsaw.

Creekwalker said...

I'm with you on this. He didn't snap. His actions were planned out well in advance. He knew well what he was doing. Drawing and quatrering would be too good for him. To have been merciful, the cops should have blown him away and saved us the cost of trying him and locking him up for what? twenty or thirty years? I live in Aurora and have lived through the Chuck E. Cheese murders (still pending appeal) and the Columbine massacre.

One thing that pisses me off more than just about anything is the NRA's question "Why wasn't anyone in the theater with a concealed permit?" Like one such person have stopped the killing any earlier? Bull. All the NRA wants is for everyone to have a weapon. I opt for the opposite as I see them as raving paranoics.

I've seen e-mails saying the congress or the president could by themselves undo the Second Amendment. Nonsense! It would take another amendment to the constitution to modify it's protections. But, I have to ask: Where are the well-regulated militias -- something completely overlooked by the NRA. Apparently any single person is well-regulated. Unless they're off-kilter. Like Monkey said, with a chainsaw.