Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Transformers 4 "Reboot"

I find it hilarious that Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Michael Bay are calling the next Transformers movie a "reboot." Really, it seems like they're just ditching all the human characters and moving ahead with the robots, and who can blame them? I guess even Bay and Spielberg finally got tired of putting up with Shia.

Anyway, the fan overreaction to this has been typically overwrought. I think the saddest thing in the universe right now must be running a geek site and having to report all the geek news even when it drives you insane and it's total crap--like the Transformers movies. And then you have to pretend to find the good in the whole thing,  even when it's totally empty. I see it driving people crazy, but on the other hand, most fanboys seem to think their bitching and moaning is an essential part of being into skiffy.

So, we have another goddamn Transformers movie because they just make way too much money to stop. Not a surprise. I don't really care, because I was done with the series with the first horrible movie. But some of the geek sites are whining this morning that, apparently, Optimus Prime killed Megatron in the third movie, but if it's a reboot they can have Megatron, but di Bonaventura also said it was a continuation, so what are they going to do for a villain, and oh my good logic paradox damn you Kirk my head!!!!! and then they die. How can Megatron be a villain if his head was ripped off?

So, proving once again that I can think all too much like a Hollywood hack, I came up with this in just a few seconds:

They're robots with vast digital technology. The whole movie is about the return of Megatron. You've got Starscream attempting to take his place as leader of the Decepticons, but he's opposed by other factions led by guys like Shockwave, etc. It's turning into a Decepticon war of succession, and amid the chaos, Optimus Prime attempts to take advantage of this instability to retake Cybertron (or something, I don't know the status of Cybertron, I'm just remembering its significance from watching the cartoons and reading the Marvel comic as a kid). Meanwhile, because the Transformers are fricking robots (calm your tits, geek sites), Megatron's loyal disciple Soundwave knows that Megatron has a back-up head somewhere and that attaching it can restore Megatron's program or matrix or whatever silly thing they're calling it. So the movie is really about Soundwave trying to find this back-up head to restore Megatron to Decepticon leadership while the Autobots try to take out these factions one by one to retake Cybertron. And some humans do some shit, too. You can call it Transformers: The Return of Megatron or Transformers: Decepticon War if you don't want to give away a reveal that will be all over the internet before the movie even starts shooting.

There, easy. I'll be waiting for my "story by" credit. Yes, I'm being facetious. But, seriously, do these films actually have enough internal logic that people who actively hate them would really be this upset and outraged by the so-far-completely-assumed-yet-not-really-announced direction of a fourth movie?

4 comments:

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Did you watch the latest Transformers cartoon series? It went very much like you imagined. The final series of episodes was epic with a fantastic final twist. Megatron was as evil a backstabbing bastard as he was always meant to be.

SamuraiFrog said...

I haven't seen it. I wasn't into the idea, but I've heard a lot of good stuff about it lately and feel like I need to check it out. Also, looking at the Wikipedia, tremendous voice cast.

Nathan said...

But Megatron died in the original Transformers movie (the cartoon one) and then came back as Galvatron, right?

SamuraiFrog said...

That's kind of a gray area, I guess. Megatron technically didn't die, Unicron just gave him a new body and Leonard Nimoy's voice.