Halloween: Random Commercials

Most of you know that I love the silly, commercial side of Halloween. I'm a pop culture kid. So here are three random Halloween-themed commercials.

First, a McDonald's ad from 1979. Love the talking Jack O'Lantern.


Next, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercial from some time or other in the 80s.


And lastly, the Duracell commercial with Dracula (and Berlioz music). This is the only one I actually remember seeing on TV; the expiration date on the battery is '02, so I'm guessing this is from 10 or so years ago. I really don't remember, but it was the mid-90s through about 2002 when Duracell had its best commercials. Jeff Bridges' voice-overed earnestness just gets drowned out for me.


More commercials next Saturday, I think. More Halloween every day in October.

October at Last!

Time to start getting this blog full of Halloween!

Either You Believe in the Constitution, or You Don't

Murdering Anwar al-Awlaki for anti-American rhetoric is the same thing as murdering Glenn Beck for anti-Islamic rhetoric.

I'm not defending any of al-Awlaki's hate propaganda, but he was an American citizen. He hadn't killed anybody or plotted to kill anybody.

Either you believe in due process, or you don't. Either you believe that the laws of this country are equally accessible by American citizens, or you don't. Either you believe in legal protections for America, or you don't.

Anwar al-Awlaki didn't commit any crimes. He "inspired" people to commit crimes, supposedly. Whenever some right wing idiot goes around intending to attack "liberals," right wing pundits always shrug off any responsibility; those same people think it's right and just that al-Awlaki was held responsible for the same thing they deny is possible: that hate rhetoric inspires violence.

I think it's creepy. It's creepy today watching people who denigrate Obama as a tyrant celebrating an exercise of tyranny. These idiots who really think that rolling the tax rate back to what it was 20 years ago is tyranny are creaming their jeans over the Administration murdering an American citizen for exercising free speech. Supposed liberals are, too, though how liberal it is to kill someone for saying something you don't like I can't really say. Liberals are as big a bunch of hypocrites as conservatives are.

You don't uphold the Constitution by violating it. Plain and simple.

You either believe in the Constitution, or you don't.

KAT DENNINGS' TITS by Harlan Kirk

Snowy globes enticing bounce,
Demand attention by the ounce,
A loving softness calls you home,
Comfort-promising fleshy domes

Capturing glances by degrees,
Those cantilevered mammaries,
The source of all the world’s delight,
Obsession of my dreams at night

If I should die before I wake,
I pray Kat’s tits my soul to take,
To rest in heaven’s silken bed,
To crush those pillows with my head,

To know that fluffy, pink-tipped land,
To squeeze with undeserving hand,
To understand (I’m such a stooge)
Why Kat Dennings’ breasts are so damn huge

Must be the bigness of her heart,
Her capacity for love and art,
The enveloping warmth of Katherine’s soul,
Made manifest in those sweet rolls

How can the world feel so much rage
With Kat’s deliciousness on the stage?
Too good for fumbling fingers’ mar,
I appreciate them from afar

I contemplate their perfect heft,
Their perky wobble, their lovely cleft,
All things I’d give to squeeze them once,
To thank the fates for such a bunce

Alas, if I could but deserve
To be allowed that pristine curve,
My list of Wonders will never omit
Those natural wonders, Kat Dennings’ tits.

-- Harlan Kirk, 30 September 2011

Harlan, ol' buddy, you are insane. I do appreciate the object of your affections, though... Kat Dennings is a perfect human being. Let me know how your inevitable restraining order hearing goes, okay, pal?

Did the Onion Finally Go Too Far with Its Twitter Page?

No.

Molly

To Be Fair, Though...

Sure, it's all well and good to point out that Superman can be a dick, but I think pranks like this are worth a couple of scorched bathrobes. I've said it before, I'll say it now: Jimmy Olsen brings it on himself.

The Final New DC

And so the month-long flood of new first issues comes to an end.

THE GOOD:

I really dug The Flash #1. The Flash has always been pretty much my favorite DC character to read about. This was a decent comic, with very good art. Barry Allen's been aged down, he's not married, there's a love triangle... it feels like the Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man version of The Flash. In that sense, it's very successful as a reboot; it throws you into the story, introduces the character and what he does, and sheds years and years of mythos. You could go into this issue with no prior knowledge of the Flash and understand what's going on. I'm going to keep reading this one for sure.

I mostly enjoyed Aquaman #1. It's just a shade too close to basically being Ultimate Aquaman, but I see the creators love the character. Most of the issue is devoted to reinventing Aquaman as a badass; I get why they're doing it--they want to make Aquaman cool, a legitimate action hero, instead of the butt of a thousand jokes on Cartoon Network--but it gets just the tiniest bit bogged down. It's like someone telling you that they're going to tell you this awesome story for most of the issue, and then you have to buy the next one to get to the awesome story. My hope--and I'm going to read the next issue--is that they've got it out of the way, they've set up Aquaman's power and angst and purpose, and then we can just go into the story. Because it seems like it's going to be a good one. This is more in line with what a reboot should do. Also, I'm very happy that Aquaman gets to stay married. I was worried, because this is Didio-era DC, that Meera was going to become some kind of psychopath or stripper or something.

THE MEH:

I don't care about Kyle Rayner, but I might keep reading Green Lantern: New Guardians because I plan to keep reading Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps. I don't know for how long, but it's something to get into and I guess I hate the idea of completely giving up on DC.

I was hoping Scott Lobdell would make up for the awfulness of last week's Red Hood and the Outlaws with this week's Teen Titans #1, but no such luck. Now I'm worried that the first issue of Superboy was a fluke. I guess I'll find out. I want to be interested in Teen Titans--and I like the idea of these idiot teenagers trying to make names for themselves as superheroes--but the whole thing just makes me miss the pure humor and fun of the original issues of Young Justice (before Peter David started using Red Tornado to whine about his divorce).

THE BAD:

I am totally the wrong person for All-Star Western. I haven't read a Jonah Hex comic in years, and most of the issues I like are from the late seventies and early eighties. I've never found Victorian-era serial killer stories remotely interesting, and putting Jonah Hex into some cross between a Sherlock Holmes and a Batman story just does nothing for me.

The Savage Hawkman is incomprehensible and unreadable and looks like shit.

I caught up with Batman #1 this week and could barely finish it. Why do they want to make this thing look like a Todd McFarlane comic? The art is even by McFarlane-lite specialist Greg Capullo. This really is Image Comics, 1995. I just don't care. Add to that this week's Batman: The Dark Knight #1, which is similarly awful, and I am just out of Gotham City. I don't care anymore. As far as I'm concerned, I've already read all of the great Batman stories and there's nothing left to say. Don't call me anymore, Batman. We're through.

Same thing goes for you, Superman #1. Trying too hard to be a reboot, I think, and Jesus Marino's art is just a poor, poor attempt at being George Perez. I know Perez is doing the breakdowns, but all that does is just highlight the art's problems. I don't like this angsty Superman. I don't like Harry Potterized Ultimate Clark Kent. I don't like the way this issue contrives a break-up between Superman and Lois Lane, and I hate the way it starts off with the destruction of the Daily Planet building to make way for a new one as a heavy-handed comment on the reboot. I hate Jimmy Olsen's Justin Bieber hair. I am done with Superman. I've read the great Superman stories, and I will cherish them, but they are now a thing of the past. And I'll revisit them when I feel like it. But I'm not looking for anything new in a Superman just now.

Fury of Firestorm #1 is the worst. It's especially disappointing for being a bad Gail Simone comic. My honest opinion right now is that Gail Simone, after being in the vanguard of corporate apologists for the reboot all summer, is writing these things because she wants to keep working. Her heart isn't in this or in Batgirl. And that's a depressing thought, but her books read as if she's toeing the line for what Didio wants to do with the comics. The art is also shit, so that doesn't help.

AND THE UNREAD:

Blackhawks just looked too stupid to bother with. Ditto Justice League Dark. Voodoo was idiotic 20 years ago, so I don't really give a shit now. And if you can look at the cover of I, Vampire and think it's something I'd actually want to read, you don't know me very well at all.

And that's it for the nu-niverse. I do have some things I'm going to keep up with, so it wasn't a total wash-out. I really enjoyed The Flash and Aquaman this week, and I'll be keeping up with Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps, and possibly New Guardians. I'll finish out the first arc of Justice League, even though the first issue failed to impress me. I'm more wary about Superboy based on Teen Titans, but we'll see.

Honestly, what I'm really looking forward to the most is the second issue of Demon Knights.

On to the future, I suppose.

Christopher Reeve

Jim Henson's birthday was the other day, as was Mark Hamill's. Continuing the parade of people who have influenced me, Sunday would also have been Christopher Reeve's birthday.

Christopher Reeve was one of my personal heroes, and not just because his portrayal of Superman so influenced my childhood and my every opinion of what the character should be. It was because of how, post-accident, he became a major proponent and activist for stem cell research, something I believe is deeply important. Reeve really was Superman in a lot of ways, and my respect and admiration for him is unending.

Film Week

A review of the film I saw this week.

CARRY ON NURSE (1959)

I didn't like this second Carry On film as much as I did Carry On Sergeant. Possibly it was this film's more languid pace; without the main story arc (basic training) to carry it through, it seems a little too relaxed and laid back. Not that I didn't laugh; there were still a lot of very funny moments, and I especially enjoyed Kenneth Williams in this one. (Also Charles Hawtrey; just the way he looks makes me laugh, but I think it's because he kind of looks like my Grandma Sage...). Anyway, my enthusiasm to see this entire series has not dimmed. **1/2 stars.

I Think We Could All Use a Little More Porkins in Our Lives

Fascism Is Alive and Well in New York

Racist in a tricorner hat carrying a loaded gun around? Freedom of speech and peaceable assembly are yours, sir.

Daring to criticize Wall Street? Time for some good old-fashioned police brutality.

Check out these pictures of police brutality. They're not even the worst I've seen. The videos are even more disturbing.

I've said it before, I'll say it now: the police are not generally here to protect YOU, they're here to protect private property. And if you dare to demonstrate peacefully in front of that giant golden calf on Wall Street, you're going down into the pavement.

It's bad enough that, as usual, we see that everyone isn't subject to the same considerations by the law. What's really weird is that those anti-government Teatard assholes think that cops should be stripped of their pensions, salaries, and ability to collectively bargain... but they're the ones the cops don't have a problem with. Those people don't get maced for standing around.

"Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. They're privileges. That's all we've ever had in this country, a bill of TEMPORARY privileges. And if you read the news, even badly, you will know the list gets shorter, and shorter and shorter... Sooner or later, the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply doesn't give a fuck about you. It's interested in its own power. That's the only thing. Keeping it, and expanding it wherever possible." -- George Carlin

Kristen Bell Mondays

Song of the Week: "The Empire Strikes Back"

You guys know I dig Meco. His 1980 EP The Empire Strikes Back is his must-own.

Mark Hamill Is 60?

Wow, that's crazy. I've always liked Mark Hamill and I've seen him in lots of stuff over the years, but since Star Wars also froze him in time 34 years ago, it's hard to picture. I wonder if my Mom is still enamored of Mark. She was such a big fan of his. I remember when she wrote him a fan letter and told him she loved him; she put in a SASE (remember those?) and he wrote her back in his own hand and said he loved her back! She was so infatuated. I was weirded out by such a thing when I was a little kid--you mean Luke Skywalker isn't a real person???--but now I think it's very cute and sweet. Having had my own fan encounters, I know how special they can be. I still remember making Harlan Ellison laugh.

60 years old. I remember a time when I thought that seemed downright elderly. Now that I'm 35, 60 seems daunting, but not scary. My Mom's 54, and she often seems younger, healthier, and more energetic than I do.

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Sunday Hottie 347

CHRIS HEMSWORTH

Some Days

THINGS MISSING FROM STAR TREK by Phillip A. Ellis

There's Leonard Nimoy's trousers

punching Captain Kirk,
and Scotty wearing evening gowns,
Chekov being a jerk.

There's Sulu training guinea pigs
to march and drink from steins,
and redshirts living till the end,
and Klingons full of wine.

And at the end as credits roll,
the cast, in frenzy, dance
a Viennese waltz, the while they sing
"Mother, where's my Pants?"

There's many things like these, I know,
missing from Star Trek...
still, thank Ghu there's no cameos
from Limbaugh or Glenn Beck

Always happy to be hosting a new poem from Phillip.