Friday, February 18, 2011

The Exciting Outdoor Activities of Superman

Bear punching!

Elephant tossing!

Lion throwing!

Spider wrangling!

Wolf flinging!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Adrianne Palicki as Wonder Woman

At least they finally cast somebody.

I don't know. I liked Adrianne Palicki a lot on Friday Night Lights, but I can't say I want to see her play Wondy. I'll wait and see, of course.

My real problem is that the idea of David E. Kelley in charge of a Wonder Woman series sounds just as bad to me as a Wonder Woman movie shepherded by Joss Whedon did, so I'm not expecting anything good. I'm expecting sub-Smallville combined with the WB's embarrassing attempt to redo Tarzan a few years ago. Or Bionic Woman. Christ, I hope they don't jump off of Joss Whedon's idiotic "coming of age story" idea and make something like Ally McWonder Woman...

Kenneth Mars 1935-2011

I'm sad to hear Kenneth Mars has died. I always loved seeing him turn up somewhere; I don't think I've seen him since his regular role on the last couple of seasons of Malcolm in the Middle. And I first discovered him as the voice of King Triton in The Little Mermaid when I was 13. Weird. At that point, The Producers and Young Frankenstein were still in my future... Sorry to lose you, Kenneth. I always enjoyed you.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

This Is Why Film Was Invented

One day, I'm going to have seven of these guys.

Look Into the Eyes of a Hungry Hungry Hippo

Look at them. Do they look hungry hungry to you? I'd say they look full full. In fact, looking into the red one's eyes, trying not to roll back in his head, I'd say he was downright gorged gorged. This game isn't about feeding at all! This game is about over-feeding! For goodness' sake, stop making him eat those damn marbles! You're torturing him into giving up secrets that no child should ever know! Knock it off, baby Caligula! Just stop before he bursts bursts!

I never realized all of the dark angst this game implied...

TV Report

:: There is way too much Justin Bieber on TV these days. I can't watch the morning news for a day without more talk of Justin Bieber. It just seems desperate for me. What was the point of Justin Bieber's unfunny appearance on Saturday Night Live a couple of weeks ago? Lorne Michaels and Dana Carvey both looked like they were desperate for 12 year-olds to think they were cool. Messed up.

:: Speaking of SNL, this past week they had one true moment of political satire that was ballsy and brilliant. When Fred Armisen, as Hosni Mubarak, looked in the camera and thanked the United States for keeping him in power all of these years, I nearly punched the air. "Behind every repressive dictatorship is an enabling superpower." Oh, that was totally deserved. More of that, please.

:: And speaking of overrated pop singers--yes, this isn't TV, but I wanted to mention it--Lady Gaga's new thin-plagiarism-of-Madonna single, "Born This Way," is idiotic. I know Lady Gaga has prospered financially by setting herself up as the patron saint of the outcasts and the gays and all of this, but this new song is nothing more than pandering directly to her audience. It's not an act anymore, is it? Now she really believes all of the shit they write about her.

:: Also speaking of SNL, I am dreading Miley Cyrus' appearance. I like Miley, I'm just not looking forward to the shoehorning of another unfunny Miley Cyrus Show sketch into the works. They've only done it three times, I think, and it's already routine and even if Vanessa Bayer's impression is actually funny, they don't do anything funny with it. Also, it's hard to find Vanessa Bayer as sexy as she is when she keeps insisting on mostly playing characters between the ages of 6 and 18.

:: I watched the premiere of Mad Love on CBS the other night. Imagine that, a painfully unfunny sitcom on CBS. Imagine that, Piefucker and Sarah Chalke make horribly unfunny, horribly unsympathetic romantic leads. Imagine that, Judy Greer totally wasted on a sitcom. Thanks, but I'll pass on this one.

:: I think How I Met Your Mother has been really strong. The death of Marshall's father was played well, and they've found the balance between humor and gravity there. It would be the best of the characters' parents to pass on, but I've known too many people who start losing their parents in their thirties. The characters are maturing, and I still think that's the real point of the show. As for this whole thing with Zoey, that was pretty inevitable, but they're trying to grow it organically. It's been nice getting to know Zoey before the relationship pressure comes in, so I'm starting to accept her as a character instead of a plot device. Frankly, none of Ted's girlfriends are going to live up to Robin, but Zoey's got a shot of at least being better than the awful Victoria and the odious Stella. They didn't make the mistake they made with Stella, which was to only have her on to highlight how wrong she and Ted were for each other. That got tiresome as hell.

:: I wish all the men on Teen Mom 2 would quit mumbling so much. I have to keep turning up the volume to make out their unintelligible ramblings. (And seriously, Chelsea, you think your creep of a boyfriend and your best friend hating each other has nothing to do with you? It's all about you and your stupid, selfish decisions, idiot.)

:: Gosh, I enjoy Hellcats. Nothing more to say than that, I guess. But yeah, I love Hellcats, silly as it is. Or because it's so silly, to be honest.

:: Speaking of silly, I love the retarded excess of Spartacus: Gods of the Arena. When I went into this 6-part prequel series, I was a little disappointed that it would be going back in time instead of moving on into the Servile War that Spartacus had initiated in the finale of Blood and Sand, but I figured this was just a placeholder until they knew whether or not star Andy Whitfield could return to the show after cancer treatments, or if they would need to recast (which they have). But the fact is, my favorite characters on Spartacus are Oenomaus and Crixus, and Gods of the Arena delves more deeply into their origins.

Besides that, it's just more of the visceral, over-the-top, pulp goodness of the first series. The more excessive this show gets, the more I love it. I can't explain it, really. I just love that it doesn't bother trying to go for realism and just jumps into this sort of comic book version of Rome. Great, great stuff.

:: I've been really digging what they've been doing on the past several episodes of The Clone Wars. All the things that happened to Anakin, Obi-Wan and Asoka on Mortis really deepened the whole idea of balance in the Force and what Anakin's destiny really is (and how long it would take him to achieve it, if you consider, as I do, the events of Return of the Jedi to be the fulfillment of the prophecy where Anakin is the Chosen One). Every time I watch this show, I can hear the groaning of Star Wars fans, because it also deepens how truly ineffective, detached, and arrogant the Jedi really are in the age of the Clone Wars. But, again, I think that's part of George Lucas' whole point about corruption and institutions. I really think the people who are still whining about how much they hated the Prequels are really whining because George Lucas' version of the Star Wars universe is not what they want it to be. Shame, really, because it's quite good most of the time.

:: So, is the Hub not going to show the second season of G.I. Joe? What a rip.

:: I stopped watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager some time ago. At home bored last weekend, I thought I'd see what I missed, since the show is on the Netflix Instant. I couldn't make it through the first episode I hadn't seen. I don't know how the characters on this show make it through one day without accidentally killing themselves.

:: Becca and I did watch the first season (only eight episodes) of The Greatest American Hero over the weekend. We picked up the DVD at a grocery store for five bucks. I used to love that show when I was a little kid, but I didn't remember much about it because I was really, really young when it was on. Turns out it's a fantastic show. It's from a time when science fiction shows were actually about people in situations instead of just situations. The pilot especially is one of the strongest pilots I've ever seen. I see the other two seasons are available to stream on Netflix, so I will definitely be watching those. I hope the quality lasts. And yes, the special effects are really, really hoary, but the strong writing, acting and characterization makes that easy to overlook. And it's funny.

And, of course, one of the best theme songs in the history of TV.

Try to Make Your Lip Service Sound More Believable

This kind of open hypocrisy is why I would never have voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton for president. She gave a speech yesterday about internet freedom, pledging to "expand the Obama administration's efforts to stand against internet repression in autocratic states" and declaring that the US "stands with cyber dissidents and democracy activists."

Interesting words coming from an administration that has also been persecuting Bradley Manning over leaked documents highlighting war crimes, leaning on private companies to refuse service to Wikileaks, and has been involved in the relentless character assassination of Julian Assange in the media. Please explain to me the difference between what Mubarak did when he effectively shut off the internet and the illegal denial of service attacks on the Wikileaks servers.

Yeah, our government is for all kinds of internet freedom...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Do Not Test Me on This

ME: I had a dream last night that Joan Jett was my mother.

BECCA: Really? How did that go.

ME: Uh, awesome.

BECCA: I guess she's technically old enough.

ME: She's technically awesome enough. Can you imagine being Joan Jett's kid? You'd be born with awesome.

BECCA: And then you'd know Cherie Currie.

ME: I'd make Cherie Currie my girlfriend.

BECCA: I don't think Joan Jett would like that very much.

ME: Joan's got to let me live my own life. I'm 34.

BECCA: And Cherie is how old?

ME: 51.

BECCA: And Joan is how old?

ME: 52.

BECCA: Yeah, you two probably wouldn't be talking right now if she was your mom and Cherie was your girlfriend. Besides, why would Cherie Currie want a 34 year-old boyfriend?

ME: I'd charm her like you wouldn't believe.

BECCA: Uh-huh. And would you really want a 51 year-old girlfriend?

ME: If it was Cherie Currie I would! Do. Not. Test. Me. On. This.

BECCA: Or you'll what?

ME: I'll write about it on the internet?

BECCA: You will anyway.

ME: ...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Kristen Bell Mondays

IMKristenBell: I wouldn't want u guys to get the wrong idea about what I did this evening...

Editor's Note: Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

While Listening to William Shatner's The Transformed Man

ME: You know why this album is better than Leonard Nimoy Presents Mr. Spock's Music from Outer Space?

BECCA: I can't wait to hear this. Why is The Transformed Man better than Leonard Nimoy Presents Mr. Spock's Music from Outer Space?

ME: Well, first off, Shatner is at least trying something here. He's not cashing in, he's genuinely trying to do some weird performance jazz acting thing.

BECCA: Okay.

ME: And at no point are we going to be subjected to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Earth."

BECCA: Okay, you're right.

ME: The last thing I need to ever hear again is Mr. Spock, in character, telling me not to let the Earth get in my eyes...

Song of the Week: "Piggy Bank Love"

The Bonzo Dog Band is another favorite that hasn't been up for Song of the Week yet. This sweet little bit of weirdness is from their debut album (and one of my favorites), the classic 1967 record Gorilla. Highly recommended. (For Python or Rutles fans, of course, this is the group Neil Innes was in. And for people who love crap, this album has the song "Death Cab for Cutie" on it, a name acquired by the band an embarrassing number of people love because Seth on The OC told them to.)