Shorter Scarlett Johansson

"There was nothing wrong with those pictures. There's nothing wrong with anyone who wants to take pictures of themselves or star in a porno or something, even though I would never do anything so degrading that I have absolutely no problem with. So even though I called the FBI on the guy who I claimed stole the naked pictures because the sanctity of an actress' cell phone is a national security issue, there's nothing wrong with those pictures. I just want you to know I'm classy and don't give it away for free, not that there's anything wrong with that, either. Now why don't you pay me to pose topless-but-not-really to show you what a serious actress I am?"