Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Meme-orites

The questions here are taken from the defunct TV Tuesday blog.

1. What is your favorite "Classic" TV show?

Star Trek. Close second, M*A*S*H.

2. What character from a "Classic" TV show would you like to be?

Captain Kirk, of course.

3. On which "Classic" TV Show would you have loved to have a walk-on role?

I've actually never given that any thought in my life. But probably Star Trek.

4. Can you remember a line you liked from a "Classic" TV show?

Yes. (What, you want an example? What am I, a dancing ape in a circus?)

5. Which TV doctor would you choose to remove your appendix?

I was going to say Hawkeye Pierce, but then I remembered the time he was drunk and Radar's illusions were shattered. So instead I'm going to say Dr. McCoy, because it would probably just be a chewable pill or something.

6. Which TV doctor would you not let touch you with a 10- foot pole?

I always despised that Dr. Malucci on ER.

7. Which TV doctor/hospital would you choose for the best medical care?

I don't know, it seems like TV hospitals are always on the brink of failing. (DRAMA!)

8. Everyone knows nurses run the hospital. Who was/is your favorite TV nurse?

I always thought Chuny Marquez from ER was hot as hell. I would love to have a Latina nurse to play with take care of me.

9. Do you consider yourself a "fan" of reality TV?

As a genre, it's not much. I don't sit around thinking 'Oh, man, I hope there's a new reality show for me to watch, because I need a new edited TV version of reality!' The genre doesn't automatically interest me on its own, but I'm not opposed to watching them. Currently I'm watching Teen Mom 2 and Kitchen Nightmares.

10. What's your "can't miss" reality TV show (or shows)?

Teen Mom 2. I really need Kailyn to just be alright, after her ordeal with her asshole baby daddy and his extremely disappointing parents.

11. What reality TV show do you suppose the devil plays on the TV in Hell as punishment?

Pick anything from VH1. What the fuck do I care what Scott Baio's doing with his life? Every micro-celebrity from the 80s is not someone worth following around with a camera, guys.

Oh, or Bridalplasty.

12. If you were given a free ticket to be on any reality show, which one would you choose?

Beauty and the Geek, but I'm too old for that now. I just want to hang out with Playboy models.

13. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you?

Well, from the TV shows currently on and following the usual primetime format, I'm going to say we start off at 7 (I'm Central time) with How I Met Your Mother, follow it with Parks & Recreation (Ron Swanson is my spirit father), Modern Family at 8, The Big Bang Theory at 8:30, and finish off with Castle in the 9:00 hour. That would be a fun night of TV for me.

14. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment's hesitation?

None. As bad as they are, every show is someone's favorite. It's much easier for me to just not watch them than wish any ill upon them.

15. Is there a show (previously canceled or just no longer airing) that you'd bring back, original cast and all?

Farscape! And Veronica Mars. Where's my Veronica Mars, Joel Silver, you woman-hating bastard!

16. You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be?

Mine and Carl's old standby: Faded Blues, a cop drama starring William Shatner and Adam West as retired detectives brought back into the fold to solve their one unsolved case. Also starring Billy Dee Williams, the coolest man alive, as the chief. And I have a great idea for an episode where Andy Griffith plays a kindly old pornographer.

17. Is there a game show (past or present) you think you would do really well on, as a contestant?

Jeopardy. But I suppose on some level everyone thinks that.

18. Is there a game show you think is the stupidest thing you've ever seen?

I still can't figure out the overcomplicated garbage that is Deal or No Deal. I hate Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (so fucking slow) and for some reason Press Your Luck really irritates the shit out of me.

19. Is there a game show you watch, but don't like to admit to watching? (A guilty pleasure!)

No. Pretty much just Jeopardy.

20. Who is your favorite game show host? Who is your least favorite?

Say what you will, I always liked Anne Robinson and her no-bullshit attitude on The Weakest Link. And I don't watch The Price Is Right, but when I saw Bob Barker in other stuff, I always liked him. My least favorite? Richard Dawson. Uber-sleazy.

21. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop?

Barney Miller.

22. Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept?

Chief Wiggum, but (usually) hilariously so.

23. Which TV show had the best ensemble cast of police officers?

Barney Miller. I never get tired of it.

24. You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose?

Super sexy Kate Beckett on Castle. I'd love to have that sexy bitch to play with protect me.

25. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian of all time?

George Carlin.

26. Which one could you do without? (Not your type of humor, or just plain stupid!)

Fucking Dane Cook sucks.

27. Which comedian do you think has gone on to have a great career aside from doing stand-up?

Well, Steve Martin's certainly done well for himself. Did you ever read Pure Drivel? It's a collection of his columns and one of my favorite books ever. (Also a great book: Shopgirl.)

28. If you went to a comedy club on amateur night, and they gave you some jokes and a microphone, would you go onstage?


29. Who is/was your favorite TV mom?

I know she's not strictly a TV mom (or wasn't when I was a kid), but Maria from Sesame Street is who I wanted to be my mom when I was a kid. She was so perfectly motherly, and she was (and is) my favorite.

30. Was she a realistic mother, or more of a TV fantasy type?

I guess I answered that above.

31. Which TV mom did you find the most unrealistic? Or if you’d rather: creepy – sappy – mean – you choose the adjective, and you name the mom.

Does Kate Gosselin count as worst TV mom?

32. No disrespect to your dear old mum, but which TV mom did you think it might be neat to have as your own?


33. What show would you like to see brought back for an hour or two episode, to see how the characters are doing now? (This should be a show that it might be possible to do a reunion on.)

Part of me would love to see a Freaks and Geeks reunion/update, but I'm not sure Judd Apatow would do it justice these days. (Seriously, Funny People was awful, and no one but Judd wants to see a movie about the supporting characters of Knocked Up.)

Hey, how about a Veronica Mars movie? Where's my fucking Veronica Mars movie?

34. Pick a show that could not realistically be brought back for a reunion, because some or all of the cast members are gone. What if they could have done a reunion before it was too late? Name the show you'd most like to see.

I don't know. Some kind of TV version of M*A*S*H Goes to Maine might have been fun. Then again, it's not a bad book, but not as classic as M*A*S*H.

35. Which reunion show have you watched and thought "Wow, they should have left that one alone!"

I don't remember watching any reunion shows.

36. Which do you prefer- a "reunion" episode of the series, or a "cast reunion" where the actors sit around and talk about the making of the show?

I think both could be interesting. I certainly never wanted to see a Seinfeld reunion (not a fan of that show at all), but what they did on the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm as a sort of quasi-reunion was very, very good.

37. What is your favorite TV theme song?

The theme from The Greatest American Hero.

38. Which song drives you crazy enough to hit mute on the remote?

It's not a song, but the opening piano strains of Everybody Loves Raymond are to me what a bell was to Pavlov's dog. But instead of salivating, I dive for the remote and change the channel as quickly as possible. I also despise that Two and Half Men "song."

39. Which song are you proud to say you remember (most of) the lyrics to???

I don't know if I'm proud to know any TV theme songs, but I remember a lot of them. I recently quipped on Tumblr that I'm going to start choosing my friends based on how much of the Adventures of the Gummi Bears lyrics they know, so let's go with that.


Kal said...

Why does everyone but me know the Adventures of the Gummy Bears song?It's one of those missing gaps in my pop cultural education.

Megan said...

My parents stopped watching TV after Barney Miller ended.

Oh, except for Jeopardy.


Tallulah Morehead said...

Given your love of Steve Martin's writing (fully justified), be SURE to read his BORN STANDING UP, which is a wonderful book.

I found online a clip of Steve doing stand-up on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour around 1969 or so. You'd think I'd remember the date accurately, since, when Steve exits up the audience aisle, I can clearly and recognizably (If you know what I looked like 42 years ago) be seen sitting on the aisle seat near the back. Boom, a memorable evening in my life from decades back forever preserved on the internet.