Monday, January 10, 2011

Glenn Beck Takes Civil Rights Back, MAD-Style

From the new issue of MAD; writer Jeff Kruse cuts through the bullshit of Glenn Beck's speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Who says MAD doesn't do good political satire? (They do it better than SNL, anyway.)

"I am happy to join with you today in what will be proclaimed by Fox News as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

A few years ago, this great American got a talk show. This momentous decree came as a great beacon of hope to millions of white people who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice, in the form of having others disagree with them.

But years later, the conservative white man is still not free. His life is sadly crippled by the monopoly of the left wing media. The Conservative Caucasian is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself in exile in his own land--even though he still runs practically every high-ranking institution.

I want to live in a nation where Americans can protest government intrusion in everyday life, while at the same time collecting social security and Medicare--yet never once be called hypocrites.

I say to you today, my fans, even though we face difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in MY version of the American dream.

I have a dream that a white television entertainer is the most natural choice to be the keeper of Dr. King's flame--more so than the first African-American President of the United States.

I have a dream that protest groups put together by multi-millionaires, for the benefit of huge insurance companies, will somehow be seen as 'grassroots.'

I have a dream today that angry people can gather at town halls and scream their opponents down, all the while complaining that their voices are never heard.

I have a dream that little black boys and girls and little white boys and girls can come together in harmony, and will swallow whatever jingoistic line I screech without question, because they look upon me as 'America's History Teacher'--even though most times I'm completely rewriting actual history. I have a dream!

I have a dream that, one day, the president will be judged solely by the color of his skin and not the content of his character.

I have a dream that I can hold the people I disagree with to an impossibly high standard--yet dismiss my own critics simply by saying 'I'm not perfect.' Where I can scream any hateful, uninformed, ignorant insanity I want, and then distance myself from it simply by saying 'I'm just an entertainer.'

This is my hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the discord of our nation into one where everyone basically agrees with me.

And if America is to be a great nation, this must come true. So let the paranoia ring from the radio stations of New York to the TV stations of California! Let paranoia ring from the curvaceous women of Fox News to the Tea Party in Ohio! Let paranoia ring from every militia compound in Montana and every oil executive's boardroom in Texas! From every mountainside, let paranoia ring!

And when this happens, we will speed up that day when all of my particular God's children will finally shout 'Free of facts, free of facts, thank God Almighty, we are free of facts!'"

3 comments:

Kal said...

That is terrific.

Bob "Melon" Melonosky said...

I agree! The last ten years MAD has done good political satire. Way better than Lampoon when I was writing there.

SNL hasn't even attempted political satire since Dan Akroyd.

Roger Owen Green said...

Will link to this.