Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Oh, Fanboys, Really...

Mel Smith, director of the excellent The Tall Guy and the execrable Bean, made a remark the other day that George Lucas--who wrote and produced Radioland Murders, which Smith directed--was buying up the film rights for dead actors "in the hope of using computer trickery to put them all together in a movie, so you’d have Orson Welles and Barbara Stanwyck appear alongside today's stars." It sounded to me like a bit of spiteful commentary or a joke taken out of context. But, of course, since it was a "rumor" involving George Lucas, the crybabies on the internet took it and ran with it without verifying whether this was actually true...

Of course, Lucasfilm had to deny this, because this is apparently the sort of Extremely Important Internet News that needs to be dignified with an official denial. And once again, the fandamentalists who can't just get over it have to be placated.

Look, guys, I get it, alright?

You're pissed off that the Prequels didn't recapture your childhood because, inconveniently, you'd spent 16 years sort of growing up before The Phantom Menace came out.

You're pissed off that George Lucas didn't make the prequels sooner.

You're pissed off that CGI exists.

You're pissed off about Jar Jar Binks.

You're pissed off about the Special Editions.

You're pissed off about The Clone Wars.

You're pissed off about Shia LaBeouf and prairie dogs and all sorts of things that can't possibly be Steven Spielberg's fault.

You're pissed off about Howard the Duck and Labyrinth and Radioland Murders and all of the other stuff George Lucas made in the 80s and 90s that wasn't Star Wars.

You're pissed off that Boba Fett is a character who did nothing but stand around and look kind of cool for a movie and a half and then didn't die the epic death his barely-any-screen-time character supposedly deserved.

You're pissed off, for nearly three embarrassing decades, that George Lucas used Ewoks instead of Wookies under the misguided and frankly idiotic belief that he would have somehow merchandised the shit out of Wookies less than Ewoks.

You're all so damn pissed off at George Lucas simply because, in 1977, he did you the favor of creating a fictional universe that you love and wish you could live in.

I get it, alright. I get it.

You don't need to complain to me any more about any of this retarded bullshit, because I totally understand where your stupid, stupid neuroses are coming from.

But, seriously, this one was just embarrassing. You guys hate George Lucas so much--you're so angry at him--that someone makes an off the cuff remark and you all run with it, holding onto your injured anuses and rushing to your blogs and chat rooms to cry and sob and righteously heave about what new injustice George Lucas has done to your precious feelings, without even taking a second to think "Wait, that's stupid, maybe I should see if that's remotely true."

Christ, you people are an embarrassment.

This is why it took me nearly a decade to love Star Wars again. Because all you people ever do is ruin it and make it unpalatable to just like some damn movies because, you know, those of us who aren't caught up in the untenable rage of being fans can apparently never like them enough.

Seriously, you so badly want to believe that George Lucas is this evil person that you'll hear something this profoundly dumb and simply believe it because you want this negative opinion confirmed so terribly.


Jesus, someone could say that there's a hole in the ozone layer that was caused by all of the CGI computers at the Skywalker Ranch and you'd just swallow it and be up all night raging to the internet that George Lucas has to be stopped.

You people are ridiculous.


Drake said...

You know the prequels work better if you re-watch them a few times.
I wish George would cgi dead actors, even dead they're better than 90% of the "actors" we have now.
The only thing i have a beef with George is...Han shot first. lol

MC said...

I'll own it. I wrote about this topic for two reasons: 1) As someone who is not in the cult of Lucas, it is fun to bash him and 2) destroying the original version of a movie so it no longer exists is kind of a dick move.

And on that second point, you have already agreed with that in principle at least.

I have no vested interest in Star Wars. But the mere idea that someone could own older movies and then tamper with them, much like Ted Turner did, bothers me on a deep level. True or not, that particular idea did cause me to write a post about it. If it was anyone else, I would have had the same reaction. Granted, the title "If You Didn't Dislike George Lucas Before..." was a little inflammatory.

But yeah, I totally own up to going off half cocked. You nailed me.

SamuraiFrog said...

Drake: I think the prequels work entirely in the larger context of a saga. I've sat and watched all six movies in one day, and I had a hell of a good time with it. The prequels are stronger that way, but I think they're generally good movies.

MC: And you know, I didn't even see your post until after I'd written this. I don't like the idea of people messing with older movies, either; Ted Turner takes the cake for threatening to colorize Citizen Kane simply because he could do it and it would piss people off.

I do agree with the second point; Lucas cutting into the negatives of the original Star Wars films is an insult to film history. You can't rewrite your own history. The Special Editions don't necessarily bother me, but trying to wipe the original versions out of existence is wrong.

Your post was pretty tame; some of the stuff I've read this morning is just outlandish as all get-out. It gets so tiresome to read.

The Frog Queen said...

Damn, that made my morning. Could not have said it better. Bravo.



GarrettCRW said...

The funny thing about Lucas tearing up the O-negs for the Original Trilogy is that there are still other high-quality sources (such as the interpositives and even Lucas' personal prints of the films) that make quality restorations still possible. Given his efforts to suppress the Christmas Special, I find the continues existence of these elements to be a bit surprising.

However, Lucas is not the only one who seems to revel in altering old TV shows and movies. The new release of Fantasia is still censored, and Disney hasn't exactly made a point to reissue Melody Time, Make Mine Music, and Saludos Amigos uncut, either. Plus, you have the fact that Hasbro is now airing their hacked up versions of G.I. Joe and The Transformers on TV (and I suspect that the Hub will eventually air their equally botched "restoration" of Jem at some point).

It's getting so bad that Ted Turner is actually a *reliable* source for unaltered films (i.e., Turner Classic Movies).

SamuraiFrog said...

Yeah, at one point, Ted Turner did a 180 and became a force for film preservation. An important one, too.

Disney also won't re-release Song of the South, yet some of their supposedly offensive shorts (they were hardly the Censored Eleven) made it to their DVD collections with Leonard Maltin apologizing for them. I really wish Disney would get over this and just accept the past for the sake of history.