Hell's Kitchen, Episode 14 (and a brief MasterChef comment)

Okay, why wouldn't you guys think you were going to have to make whatever Gordon Ramsay serves you? What are you, new?

Benjamin... how does Benjamin manage to just become more and more loathsome? He's such a crybaby. He really just thinks he's the greatest thing ever. He always says things--with an absolute straight face--like "I've never had a bad service" and "My dish was the best" which are just not true. His problem--one of his many problems--is that he'll lose a challenge, get constructive criticism from Gordon, and then just shrug it off and say "My professional opinion is that I'm the best cook here." He just doesn't internalize any of the criticism at all, even the criticism of a great, self-made chef like Ramsay, because he thinks he's absolutely perfect in every way. But really he's an insufferable prick.

Oh, and his "back injury." Nothing more than a temper tantrum and a crippling attack of self-doubt. I recognize his behavior because, I hate to admit it, I've done that kind of thing myself. He's losing his nerve, he knows there's a good chance he won't win, so he's building himself an excuse in order to protect his own ego from his lack of self-confidence. That way, when he gets eliminated, he can tell himself that he wasn't at his best because he hurt himself, and then he can bore everyone he ever meets with stories about how he almost won Hell's Kitchen.

So Benjamin skips prep, says that he's going to quit, and then sails into dinner service and, lo and behold, his back doesn't appear to be bothering him at all. What a surprise.

Like I said, I get it. And he was probably too scared to quit after confronting Ramsay about it, because Ramsay was exactly right: you'd never forgive yourself for making it this far, and then just quitting. Lots of people would've loved to have been in his position, and he was talking about throwing it all away--and for the record, I don't think he was ever really going to quit, he just needed an ego massage, a stronger voice to tell him what he should do, because he was trapped in this self-doubt. And honestly, that's not the kind of man capable of running a restaurant.

Even after dinner service, Ben was still trying to sell it, too. "I almost died." Yeah, of being a little bitch.

As Jaquandor pointed out, Dave broke his wrist last season, in the first week. And he won. Like I've said before, the people I respect the least are the ones who won't fight for it.

Also, Jay... I see he's the same kind of sexist that Ben is. Talking shit about Holli? What a douche. I can see Jay's strengths as a cook and as the head of a kitchen, but I don't really like him. He's all in love with Holli, but cutting her down behind her back shows he doesn't respect her very much.

Dinner service was interesting. I always like it when they get to take turns running the pass. Jay did the best; he was right on top of things and caught the sabotaged dishes. I pretty much expect him to win. I don't have to like him personally; I do have to admit he knows what he's doing and he's good at it. I think he's a natural. Holli was initially nervous, but kept it together, ran the place, and only missed one quality check. Benjamin missed two; he apparently can't tell different cuts and types of meat apart. And he still actually did better than I expected he would; I thought he'd have another attack of being unable to speak to anyone because his ego was hitting the reset button, but I guess his psychosomatic back injury got that out of the way for the day. And Autumn overcompensated for an early mistake by nitpicking everything.

I knew Autumn was going to go, but I wish Benjamin had been eliminated first. I really, really wanted to see the look on his face when he went before her. She did have a great moment when she said, very pointedly, "I never quit," and the editor cut right to Ben. Still, the look on his face when he handed over his jacket was pretty enjoyable. I'm so glad he's gone.

And now we're down to Jay and Holli. Like I said, I expect Jay will win. But I am supporting Holli. I do think she's got a real chance. I hope she takes it.

As for MasterChef, I'm still not endeared to this show. When the competition really gets going, that's when things will really get interesting, I expect. Once again, it was typical Fox, going for the emotional pornography that it hasn't earned at all: I don't know these people yet, why am I supposed to be elated when they get on the show?

And this Joe Bastianich continues to piss me off, with his judging looks and his half-closed eyes. Hey, Joe, I wish my mommy was a famous, well-established Italian chef so that I could win every argument about what constitutes Italian food, too. Asshole.