My Advice: READ MORE

FRIEND: What's your favorite book?

ME: Probably A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters by Julian Barnes. Why, what's yours?

FRIEND: Well, I've never read a book that meets all of my narrative requirements.

ME: What? What does that mean? What are your favorite books?

FRIEND: Oh, Jurassic Park, The Da Vinci Code, the Twilight series...

ME: Oh, I see what your problem is.

FRIEND: What's that?

ME: You read crap. Maybe you should stop reading crap and read some real books and stop blaming literature for your lack of insight.

This is why I don't have more friends...