Meme of Honour

Via Sunday Stealing

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Joe Lieberman.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
I already can. I can turn the channel or turn the sound off and tune out any music I don't want to hear. Why take someone else's music away from them? I don't want to hear Lady Gaga, you don't want to hear Miley Cyrus, so why should either of us have to? That's why things have buttons.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Joe Lieberman. Or Lady Gaga. But Joe Lieberman affects my life for real, so Joe Lieberman.

4. What is your favorite cheese?
Mozarella. It's mild, but it tastes good on everything.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
I like Ekrich Beef Bologna with Sara Lee Low Sodium Turkey Breast and a little bit of any kind of summer sausage, with mayo (real mayo, not Miracle Whip) and some spicy mustard (a little, not slathered), lettuce, and Lorraine Swiss Cheese on honey wheat bread. Simple and kind of trashy, I guess, but that's my favorite. Give me some Jay's No Salt Potato Chips on the side and a Jones Grape Soda, and I am a happy man.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
I will have a different answer for this question any and every time you ask it of me. Today, I'm leaning towards Zac Efron or Liv Tyler.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Same thing; I'll always have a different answer. Today, I'm thinking Katy Perry or David Bowie.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
I'm too neurotic to spend money any more. A hundred bucks would pay for my meds and a therapy appointment with enough left over for some lunch. Or it would buy groceries. Or pay part of some bills. Yes, I'm so poor that I can't even splurge in my fantasies.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Mexico. It's warmer and I love the women.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Well, since I'm in Mexico I guess I'll get some nachos. I love me some nachos. I make them here way more often than I should. Maybe have some beer, because Mexican beer is better than that watery shit they mass produce in America.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?
Not a big fan of alcohol. I'm tempted to say Foster's, because hot dogs are so good steamed in Foster's. (If you're steaming them in water, you're not doing it right.) Maybe Bass Ale, though. Bass is pretty good.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
First thing off the top of my head: I'm going to stop Captain Sir Richard F. Burton's widow from destroying his unpublished writings.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
That's a pretty enormous undertaking. Any first rule is going to kind of come off glib without anything to support it. But I think it would be that everyone is equal in the eyes of the law.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
Off the top of my head: Midshipman Barbarian. A surprisingly smart comedy about a barbarian, frozen in the ice, who emerges in 1519 and becomes a part of Magellan's crew. It's a comedy about culture clash. I don't really know where any of that came from.

15.What is your favorite curse word?
"Fuck."

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
It's still pretty creepy. Why not put them up in the spare room and then deal with them in the morning?

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
My external hard drive.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Tell everyone goodbye, have one last Pepsi Throwback, and craft some pithy comment about dying.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
I want Sylar's power from Heroes; the ability to mimic and absorb all super powers. I'm a greedy fucker.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
I'd like to say goodbye to my sister before she died.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Ellen's death. Barring that, I should've spent more time with her.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
England.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
I don't care. I'm not a bar guy. I'm a diner guy.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?
That's kind of lame, isn't it? Floating?

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Walt Disney.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My sister, obvs.

27. What’s your theme song?
"Dare to Be Stupid" by "Weird Al" Yankovic