More Star Wars Christmas

The Empire Strikes Back with part of the soundtrack replaced. Surprisingly hilarious.

Kristen Bell Mondays

Song of the Week: "Cuddly Toy"

Another Monkees song written by Harry Nilsson. This is from 1967. I heard a rumor once that this song was about a girl that got gang-raped by Hell's Angels. I can't imagine that's actually true, but it sure is disturbing. I don't know what episode of The Monkees this is from.

Twilight Summarized by a Smartass, Chapter 22

Why does it seem like I've been between chapters 21 and 24 for the last 10 weeks? Did she start the numbering over again, or something? God, every time I think this book must be about to end, it goes on for another 50 pages.

Anyway, the brief bright spot of character development from Chapter 21 seems like a long, long time ago. It's obliterated completely by this chapter, which is just too overly descriptive and fails to keep any tension going.

Bella, if you remember, has agreed to meet James at her mom's house in order to rescue her mother. She's written a farewell letter to Edward and needs to ditch Alice and Jasper at the airport to escape to James. She's finally made this decision not to sit and wait for her boyfriend to make every one of her life decisions.

As this chapter opens, Alice has another vision of James, and seems to have seen something about Bella that she won't reveal. There is way, way too much description of the airport and precisely how Bella escapes (she ducks out of the bathroom and into an elevator... cunning) and how she makes it home.

And it turns out James doesn't have her mother at all. The voice she heard was from a home movie playing in the background. She's been tricked.

And then... oy, and then.

Then Stephenie Meyer proves that her real ambition is not to write shitty abstinence porn for lonely cat ladies and sexually immature tweens. No, no, her real ambition is to write for Marvel Comics. Because then we get pages of James sneering at Bella, expounding his own cleverness, extolling the virtues of his plan. Seriously, he monologues forever, going on and on about his plan and what he did and how disappointed he is that it was so easy to lure her into his trap. He even goes on and on and on about how he did it. And he goes on and on and on about how he hopes that Edward will show up so they can have some kind of big homoerotic blowout because, you know, it's just no fun for James unless he's getting punched and groped by a total pussy like Edward.

Christ, Doctor Doom is looking at this guy and saying "You wanna keep it brief there, pal?"

And then James goes on even more about how he killed the vampire who changed Alice into a vampire, because Alice smelled so delicious and he really wanted to have her blood for himself. And then he decides he's going to torture Bella and videotape it for Edward, because he is just incredibly fixated on getting Edward angry and having a big tussle with him. James has such a hard on for Edward you'd think Edward had left James on Ceti Alpha V. Okay, I get it: James is gay, and gay people are bad because they don't like normal tortured abstinence. Sorry, but that seems to be the point Stephenie Meyer is making by going on and on and on about this shit. Poor James, he can't get off normally because his desires are so dark, he has to be the villain, what a sick fuck.

This whole book is fucking sick. Seriously, seriously fucking sick.

And then the torture starts, and Bella falls unconscious.

I can not wait until this thing is over. This is the worst book I've ever read.

Sunday Hottie 253

ZOE SALDANA

Richard Todd 1919-2009

I loved him in three of Disney's earliest live action pictures: Rob Roy the Highland Rogue, The Sword and the Rose, and especially The Story of Robin Hood. A shame to see he passed away. I understand it was cancer, which is no way to have to shuffle off. Rest in peace, sir.

My 2009 Christmas Banner

Merry Sithmas

For Meme Services

Via Jaquandor and Roger

1. What is the color of your toothbrush?

White with a sort of red-orange stripe. It's one of those collapsible travel dealies. I just got weirdly uncomfortable with my toothbrush just hanging around there in the bathroom and decided I'd get one I could close and stow it in the medicine cabinet.

2. Name one person who made you smile today.

Hayden Panettiere. I was watching a very dull movie this morning, but she was bright as ever.

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

Turning on the computer.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Posting to my various Tumblr blogs.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

Watchamacallit, which I think I've said a few hundred times on these things. I just love them. Always have.

Bonus Question Jaquandor Made Up: What no-longer-available candy would you bring back?

Grape Big League Chew. Or Grape Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape. They're the same awful, gut-rotting, heavily-sugared candy, but I never see either one anywhere anymore. Disgusting, but kind of wonderful.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Yes. Also kind of wonderful if you go in with the right attitude. Sure, it's all a cynical act, but there's no reason a cynical act can't be fun.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?

"Love you" to my wife.

8. What is your favorite ice cream? How to choose?

Chocolate.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water.

10. Do you like your wallet?

I was thinking I'd like to get a new one at some point. I always get the tri-fold wallets, but I was thinking of getting something smaller since I don't keep too much in my wallet anyway.

11. What was the last thing you ate?

I actually haven't eaten yet today.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

No, but I really need to buy some socks and underwear. I am literally down to my last pair of socks with no holes in them.

13. The last sporting event you watched?

How long ago was Chicago in the Super Bowl? That year.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

I don't care much for the popcorn flavors. I just like it not too buttery and not too salty, otherwise I get sick and woozy.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

I don't text.

16. Ever go camping?

Wow, not since I was a Boy Scout. I always loved camping, though.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?

Yes. I take a multivitamin every morning, Niacin every night (doctor's orders) and one of those fish oil capsules (also doctor's orders) twice a day. That's in addition to three blood pressure pills (one twice a day, one thrice a day), Lexapro, and Prilosec. Jeez.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

No. I'm an atheist.

19. Do you have a tan?

No. I live in the Midwest. One of the local Chicago news anchors has a fake tan, and it's creepy. There's nothing creepier on a guy than a fake tan. Especially in December in Chicago.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?

No. I like Chinese food (the waiters never are rude), but I LOVE pizza.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Not at home, but in restaurants and fast food places, sure.

22. What did your last text message say?

I don't text.

23. What are you doing tomorrow?

I don't know. What are you doing tomorrow?

24. Favorite color?

Purple.

25. Look to your left; what do you see?

The television and our Christmas tree.

I Improbably Got Nominated for a Drysdale Award

And I can't quite figure out why. But if you'd like to vote for me as Blogger of the Year, I'd love you for it.

A Couple of News Gripes

All of my pending Random Thoughts were lost in the crash, but a couple of things really irritated me the other day.

1. The couple that crashed the White House party. I get that this is a security breach and it needs to be investigated. At least it was a couple of idiots and not something worse. But is it such a big deal that the party planner isn't testifying before Congress? Who cares? This is a major problem for the security staff, not the person who planned the party. Someone needs to lose their job over this, and it's not the person the media seems intent on blaming for it.

2. Tiger Woods. I... don't care. I never cared about Tiger Woods before, and I don't care about him now. Did he have an affair? Probably. But I've been hearing whispers for the last decade or so that he constantly cheats on his wife. What I don't understand is how it's any of my business what he does with his penis. This has given me a few laughs, though, and not because Tiger Woods had any affairs, but because this is yet another example of the media dancing with glee around the hate maypole that they get to tear down someone they spent so much time building up. They're cynical laughs, but laughs nonetheless. Why do people insist on making people who make a living being good at hitting balls with sticks into heroes? Big deal, the guy's really good at golf. I don't buy hero worship of athletes, because all I can ever see is every asshole jock who ever made his way through high school by tormenting smaller kids. The media wants to frame this as though one of our heroes has totally betrayed us by being a human being after all. Get over it, America. You've got much bigger problems.

3. Speaking of media perceptions, there were some photos yesterday of Miley Cyrus in a bikini in Miami, and some people were throwing a shit fit over the fact that she has a tattoo we didn't know about. I really resent this idea that just because a girl has a tattoo and a nose ring and a belly button ring that somehow makes her immoral and unwholesome. I also resent the idea that just because a 17 year-old girl is a media star, she's somehow supposed to be a role model for your children and we're all supposed to be really fucking angry with her for being a person instead.

4. So, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Madonna all tongue kiss each other on television in yet another of Madonna's desperate attempts to hold onto her youth, and it's the hottest thing ever... but Adam Lambert grinds some guys and kisses a guy on the mouth on an awards show, and he's not allowed on TV anymore? Really, America, your pathetic fear of boys kissing each other used to be childish and asinine, but now it's just fucking sad.

Things Even Out Slowly, But They Do Even Out

Well, my computer at least works now. In fact, it probably works a little better than it did before, since there's barely anything on it now. I think the destruction of my computer was the result of a virus or malware that I couldn't find, but which might have been that Google Redirect, because I was having especially bad problems with Google searches.

I do have an external hard drive, so most of my stuff was in there and is perfectly fine and accessible. I blame myself for not seeing the problems I was having with the virus and not immediately backing up everything I already had. I should've known better. That's part of the reason I have the damn external drive in the first place. In the end, I only lost two months of work, and that can mostly be reconstructed. I don't think I permanently lost anything truly important.

If there's one lesson I've had to re-learn far too often in my life, it's that my C drive is temporary storage only. In the future, I'm going to try to keep very little on it and back up to the external and to flash drives.

So, except for the fact that it took me an hour to get a picture on my dying monitor this morning, everything is okay with the computer.

Thanks Kraxpelax, Tonio, JA, Cal, Keith, Devilham and Shawn for the encouragement in the comments section (although I lost your comment because of some Blogger error, Kraxpelax), and thanks for the email, Johnny. Sympathy and encouragement are always helpful. I've got a lot to hold on to here: I still have a home, I have my wife, I have my pet, I have a car that runs, and I have a usable computer once again. Hell, I have cable TV (for now) and I think I can breathe at night again with the new CPAP machine (got that on Tuesday). I'm losing weight and I'm not starving to death. We're barely getting by, but at least we're getting by at all.

Sorry to clog up Electronic Cerebrectomy again with more of my whiny, self-pitying crap. Sometimes I need to vent. And I think I will try meditation. I do feel like I'm slowly gaining control of my issues with weight and sleep, and hopefully that'll lead to me being more engaged again.

Thanks, guys.

Frustration and So On

I hate living in the digital age sometimes. It seems like whenever things break down there's no real explanation for it, and that can be very, very frustrating. I remember when I had my first car. It would break down--a lot--but at least when it did I could figure out why it did. Now when our machines stop working, they just seem to stop working for reasons all their own.

It's been a really hard couple of days because of this.

Yesterday afternoon, my computer crashed. Windows would not re-open. I couldn't get it to recognize the last known good configuration, and I couldn't get it into safe mode. There ended up being nothing I could do but reformat my hard drive and reload my operating system. So I lost everything that was on my computer.

It sucks. And it sucks that I can feel such a psychological blow losing things that are ultimately frivolous and unimportant, but things that I've taken the time (or wasted the time) to work on.

At least I'm not starting over from square one. I had most of my stuff on my external hard drive, and I think I only lost about two months of work. Computers are the most frustrating thing on the planet, and I hate that we rely on them so much for what we do. I really wish I could afford a new computer--or at least a new monitor, as this one is just breaking down--but the $2 I have in the bank are telling me no.

So much shit, all piling up, and it's making it really hard to get to where I need to be. I may not get back into school because of financial aid problems. I got a bill for my sleep study that's around $700, which I have no hope of paying. I don't know how much longer I can put off my student loans, especially if I can't get back into school. I have to get this CPAP machine and I'm very worried about how much that's going to cost me after insurance. Shit, I don't even have socks anymore. I'm wearing the last pair that doesn't have holes through them. This fucking sucks.

(I'm just venting here. I know people are less fortunate than I am, but that knowledge does absolutely nothing to help me right now.)

I might have to throw some ads up on this site. Every little tiny bit helps.

It would be a lot different if I had a job, but I'm still so drastically underemployed. Competition for sub jobs this year has been horrible, and I've only worked one half-day this year. No one is hiring for even the most bullshit job.

On the good side... well, the therapy is helping, although I don't know how much longer I can afford to go (it's a $40 co-pay every time, and with me not getting to work, that's a sizable chunk). With the Lexapro prescription, that's another $25 a month I've got to spend on medicine. But the Lexapro seems to be helping, too. Again, despite the incredible frustration of what happened yesterday (and I did not handle it well, I promise you), I don't quite feel like I'm starting over at square one. But it does feel like a major setback to me.

I also did lose some weight in the last month. 13 pounds. So that makes me feel a little better, too.

Posting might be light for a little while as I try to get everything back to where it should be. Well, as much as I can. Because I really, really just want to work. If only.

Nothing like the holidays, is there?