Saturday, November 28, 2009

No Joe, for a Month or So

Some of my resources are down right now, and doing these takes longer than they should sometimes, so I'm going to stop doing my G.I. Joe recaps until January. Not sure anyone will miss them, but just in case, I wanted to give a heads up instead of just ceasing them without explanation.

Besides, I should be working on a new turtle comic and a new Evaluating Disney, anyway.

50 Films, 1991-2000

After yesterday's movie list, picking my 50 favorite films from 2000 to 2009, I was having fun and decided to keep going. So, here's another esoteric list of favorites. And that is favorites, not greatest. Since I just can't bring myself to defy the calendar, it's my favorite movies from 1991 to 2000. I didn't put on any of the movies from yesterday's list, however.

1. Addams Family Values
2. The American President
3. Babe
4. Beauty and the Beast
5. The Big Lebowski
6. Boogie Nights
7. A Christmas Carol
8. Clerks
9. The Crow
10. Dead Again
11. Ed Wood
12. The Edge
13. Fantasia 2000
14. The Fifth Element
15. The Frighteners
16. From Dusk Till Dawn
17. The Fugitive
18. Galaxy Quest
19. George of the Jungle
20. Gettysburg
21. Groundhog Day
22. Independence Day
23. The Iron Giant
24. James and the Giant Peach
25. L.A. Story
26. The Last of the Mohicans
27. Little Women
28. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
29. Lost in Space
30. Mars Attacks!
31. The Mummy
32. The Muppet Christmas Carol
33. My Neighbors the Yamadas
34. Mystery Men
35. The Piano
36. The Prince of Egypt
37. Princess Mononoke
38. Pulp Fiction
39. Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book
40. A Simple Plan
41. Sirens
42. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
43. Starship Troopers
44. The Straight Story
45. Tarzan
46. That Thing You Do!
47. The 13th Warrior
48. Tombstone
49. Toy Story 2
50. True Romance

Paleontological Porn

Edited so the world makes sense again and no one's head explodes.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Star Trek as The A-Team. Forgot how much I loved the theme from The A-Team.

50 Films, 2000-2009

There's a little meme going around right now in which people are picking their "favorite films from the first decade of the 21st century." Because, as we all know, when you count in units of ten, you count from zero to 9.


Okay, sorry, I had to get that out. I wasn't going to make my list of the best films of the 2000s until the actual end of the decade, but I'm enjoying the meme as such, because the whole point of it, as originally posted here, is to pick not "The Best" movies of the decade, but your favorite films. To whit:

"This list means nothing, except to me. It's a list of 50 movies that gave me pleasure over the past decade. I can say without reservation that I would watch any of these again. Would I say that all of them are great films, however great films are supposed to be defined? Probably not. But that's nothing you need to worry about. Because it's my list."

I caught this by way of Jaquandor, and I figured I had to make my own list. So here it is, in alphabetical order:

1. About a Boy
2. American Splendor
3. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
4. Borat
5. Brokeback Mountain
6. Bubba Ho-tep
7. Casino Royale
8. Clerks II
9. Death Proof
10. Eloise at the Plaza/Eloise at Christmastime
11. Fanboys
12. Finding Nemo
13. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
14. The 40 Year-Old Virgin
15. The Greatest Game Ever Played
16. Hairspray
17. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
18. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
19. Hellboy
20. High Fidelity
21. Hot Fuzz
22. The Incredibles
23. Kill Bill
24. King Kong
25. Lilo & Stitch
26. Little Miss Sunshine
27. The Lord of the Rings
28. Lost in Translation
29. Love Actually
30. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
31. Pineapple Express
32. Quills
33. Revenge of the Sith
34. The Road to El Dorado
35. School of Rock
36. Shaun of the Dead
37. Sin City
38. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
39. Speed Racer
40. Spider-Man 2
41. Spirited Away
42. Superbad
43. 300
44. Titan A.E.
45. Triplets of Belleville
46. V for Vendetta
47. WALL-E
48. Watchmen
49. Winged Migration
50. Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie

It Was Inevitable

Thursday, November 26, 2009


1. Do you cook all or part of the meal? I love a big Thanksgiving meal, but I don't make one very often. Becca usually goes to her mom's, and I don't really do much for the holiday myself, because I got tired of being pulled all over. One time, Becca and I did get to have Thanksgiving alone, and it was awesome. We made a huge meal and ate it for days and days. Holy crap, leftover stuffing is especially awesome if you fry it.

2. How much do you spend buying groceries for the meal? I can't afford much this year, so there's that. One grocery store here had an incredible deal for turkeys yesterday: 39 cents a pound. Should've bought one.

3. Do you eat at home or go to someone else’s? Again, I don't go out of my way for Thanksgiving anymore. It was just too damn stressful.

4. Describe your perfect bite? Um... one with food?

5. White meat or dark? I do prefer the white meat. At least, as far as turkey is concerned. Yeah, I did.

6. Stuffing with giblets or without? Without. Just... yuck.

7. Anything you won’t eat at the Thanksgiving meal? I'm not a cranberry guy. My wife loves them (she makes real cranberries, not that canned stuff), and my mom loves them, too, but I'm just not into them at all.

8. Carve Mr. Gobble at the table or serve on a platter? Platter. I guess because my mom and dad always did it that way. I don't get the spectacle of watching a turkey get carved. I just want to eat it. My dad generally grills his turkey now. That sounds pretty good. Damn, I'm starting to get hungry.

9. Favorite pie? Pumpkin. Maybe with a little whipped cream. I'd kind of like to try that pumpkin cheesecake, but that looks pretty intense. I think I could only have a half-slice of that. Can't chow down like I used to.

10. Formal table or Chinet? I don't really care.

11. Your menu:
Mashed Potatoes (I'm not into gravy)
Crescent Rolls (I like the flakiness)
Stuffing (I like Stove Top)
Steamed Green Beans (or Green Bean Casserole)
Pumpkin Pie

My tastes are pretty simple, I guess.

12. Favorite leftover? Fried stuffing. I think it was Bubs who came up with that one, so thanks, Bubs! It's awesome!

13. Extended family, friends, both or just the immediate family for dinner? Again, I don't do the big Thanksgiving anymore.

14. After dinner, do you go to the latest movie or watch football on TV or just a turkey induced snooze? We used to go see movies, sometimes. I'm not a football fan, so sometimes we just put something on or talk.

15. Do you watch the Macy’s Parade? Sometimes. I wish someone carried the Disney Parade. I can't seem to find it.

16. Christmas decorations up before or after? It varies. If we don't do it kind of early, Becca gets really jaded, but she works in retail, where they've been ramping up for the "Christmas season" since freaking August. Her store's been playing the Christmas music for weeks, so I can understand. Personally, I'm kind of sick and tired of Christmas this year, too. It's already been too much, and it's like a constant reminder of being broke. Plus, Becca's been sick, so she's not really in the spirit. I don't think we're going to put any decorations up this year.

17. Black Friday shopping or sleep in? I'll get to sleep in, but Becca will have to be at work by 5 in the morning. I'd rather just stay at home instead of going to Walmart to get trampled, and I'm broke, anyway. Jeez, I want to throw people into things at the store on days when it isn't crowded, why would I want to dive into a crowd on Black Friday?

18. Any special Thanksgiving tradition? No, not really.

19. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving? The quiet. Living in a college town, it's a day when you know there's not going to be any parties or loud music until four in the morning. I dig that the most.

20. Favorite Thanksgiving memory? I don't really have a specific one. I've enjoyed lots of Thanksgivings in the past, of course, but nothing stands out as being better than all the rest. I used to like going to my stepmom's sister's and watching trashy movies (which was their tradition--to get the most gonzo movie they could find, like the year we watched Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer). I spent one Thanksgiving with my friend Alice and her family in high school--I offered to help clear the table, and her mom was so shocked to hear anyone offer help at all. And I liked the year Becca and I got to stay home and have our own Thanksgiving.

I don't know. Thanksgiving is not a big deal to me, and now that I've rid myself of a lot of the stress surrounding it, it's more enjoyable to me. I don't mind being alone and not having the giant meal, but if I get to have Thanksgiving dinner, I enjoy that, too. Take life as it comes, I guess.

Happy Slapsgiving, Everyone!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Unfortunate Place to Cut Off That Photo...

Twitter Math

Pics of Kim Kardashian in a bikini > hearing about the sandwich you just ate

Pics of Adrianne Curry in a metal bikini > hearing about your breakfast omelet

Pics of teenagers showing their abs off > hearing about waiting in line for New Moon

Just thought I'd mention.

Film Week

A review of the films I watched this week.

I have no one but myself to blame. No stars.

WAR, INC. (2008)
Shitty, shitty, totally shitty movie with John Cusack as a government hitman who goes to the Middle East to kill some oil minister and falls in love with Marisa Tomei and ends up having to deal with "the Eastern European Britney Spears," Yonica Babyyeah, played by Hilary Duff. I liked Duff, but not enough to ever tell anyone to see this piece of shit. It's not as cool, hip, clever, or funny as it thinks. And frankly, I'm sick of filmmakers trying to convince me how lovable and hilarious John Cusack supposedly is. * star for Duffster, but even that's begrudging, since she's not really very good here, I just like her in general.

Unwatchable crap trying too hard to be a DreamWorks movie. No stars.

LAMBADA (1990)
One of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen in my life, with J. Eddie Peck as a math teacher who moonlights dancing the lambada in a club and teaching high school dropouts about trigonometry. Earnest to the point of absolute silliness. I remember hearing about how sexy and controversial this PG-rated potboiler was when I was 13, but this thing is tamer (and dumber) than High School Musical. And the leader of the bad kids, Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" Quinones, plays his role like he's auditioning for the 1965 Batman TV series. Seriously, Victor Buono's looking at this guy and thinking "Jeez, dial it down a notch." * star. It also has some rubberneck factor because the high school chick who falls for the teacher is Melora Hardin. That's just weird.

Imbecilic in the extreme. This movie has no idea what it wants to do or who the audience is, and is totally unwatchable. No stars.

Doctor Who: The End of Time Preview

This year's Children in Need special aired the first three minutes (pre-credits) of the Doctor Who Christmas episode, "The End of Time," which is also the first of David Tennant's last two episodes as the Doctor. I so can't wait to see this.

Obviously, you might not want to watch this if you haven't seen "The Waters of Mars" yet.

The Doctor, Romana, and Prime Computers

I know, I know, I've been posting a ton of videos, but I just keep finding so much awesome stuff.

For example: here are some Prime Computer ads featuring Tom Baker and Lalla Ward in character as the Doctor and Romana. Cheesy, silly stuff, sure, but a great reminder of just how good these two were.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Muppets' Bohemian Rhapsody

This is by far my favorite of the Muppet viral videos. Please never stop making these.

Yay! I'm Transmundane!

Imperious Links

It seems like it's close to impossible to raise a normal child these days, what with the violent video games and the 4chan and the childhood obesity. But if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff we thought we were doing for our kids is ruining them. Yes, as it turns out the most innocent things we do to our kids every day can fuck them up worse than having the Joker shoot their parents in front of them.

:: This so-called legacy dilemma just happens to be the one conveniently plaguing the lead parent in Stan Dragoti's She's Out of Control, a mystifyingly straightforward yarn about a single father who not only wants to restrain her teenage daughter's unstoppable journey into womanhood, but also desires the opportunity to suffocate her immaculate vagina with the inconsistent hardness of his erect penis. (Thank you! I remember seeing this movie when I was 13 and feeling very creepy the whole time.)

:: Scenes from an Alternate Universe Where the Beatles Accepted Lorne Michaels' Generous Offer

:: Very cool van murals. (The Silver Surfer is always the best van mural you can have. Always.)

:: When you’re doing a biography of Stephenie Meyer, you’re going to run into a problem right off the bat, namely the fact that Stephanie Meyer is really f–king boring.

:: 7 Popular Chick Flicks That Secretly Hate Women

:: Sarah Palin is on an endless crusade against assholes. It’s all she thinks about. She doesn’t really have any political ideas, in the classic sense of the word — in fact the only thing resembling real political convictions in Going Rogue revolve around the Trans-Alaska pipeline and how awesome she thinks it is.

Most of the rest of the book just catalogs her Gump-esque rise to national stardom (not having enough self-awareness to detect the monstrous narcissistic ambition that in reality was impelling her forward all along, she labors in the book to describe her various career leaps as lucky accidents or mystical acts of Providence) and the seemingly endless parade of meanies bent on tripping her up along the way. The book is really about her battles with these people, how much they did and do suck, and how difficult and inherently unfair life is for a decent hardworking American gal who just wants to live life, serve God, and try to be president without being bothered all the time.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Random Thoughts

Why do fans of True Blood hate Evan Rachel Wood so much? I don’t get it. I think she was perfectly cast and very funny and interesting, but all I hear about her is how terrible she’s supposed to be. Please don’t tell me it’s because “she’s not like the character in the book,” because that non-critical whine carries no weight with me.

:: What the hell was the point of D.B. Sweeney, anyway?

:: Just saw the trailer for Amy Adams’ upcoming romantic comedy Leap Year, which looks like every other romantic comedy made in the last 70 years. In it, we find out that in Ireland it’s okay for a woman to propose to a man on Leap Day. Funny; I thought it was okay for a woman to propose to a man on any day of the year. Thank goodness romantic comedies keep coming out to show me how wrong I am about how far women have progressed.

:: What’s with this little cult that’s grown up over the last few years devoted to the apparent awesomeness and infallibility of Frances Bean Cobain? Those people were shocked last week when their precious Bean threw a “don’t you know who I am?” celebrity shit-fit on a plane. You guys want to know how she could feel entitled because she’s Kurt Cobain’s daughter? Because you assholes have spent her entire life telling her she’s entitled because she’s Kurt Cobain’s daughter!

:: No, I can see why you’d want to put a watermark on the image you posted on Tumblr. After all, you took that picture, so you own it, right?

:: A linguist in Minnesota spoke nothing but Klingon to his son for the first three years of his life, just to see if he could “pick it up” like a natural language. Still not licensing to be parents yet, huh?

:: I hate that Ringling Bros. feels it has to compete with Cirque du Soleil.

:: So, the economy is recovering but foreclosures are up? How does that work, exactly? Sorry, down here on the bottom, we’re still recovering from the massive fraud perpetrated by the companies we must protect or else the economy might collapse. Or something. This country is such a waste.

It does do my heart good, though, to see that the attorney general of Ohio is suing the three largest credit rating agencies in the country (Moody’s, Standard & Poor’s, and Fitch) alleging that they cost state retirement and funds over $450 million by approving high-risk Wall Street securities that went bust. The lawsuit accuses them of being in league with banks to create the conditions that led to the financial collapse. In other words, for fraud.

Sue them all.

:: According to the New York Times, American workers are overpaid by as much as 20% and should take a pay cut. I’m waiting for this to happen, honestly. Wages go down, health care costs go up, savings are destroyed, Americans get screwed. And the financial elites who caused the disaster are still insulated from it, still losing nothing, and Congress continues to be on their side. Things are going to get worse. They really are.

:: I really, really, really don’t want to hear anymore right wing “alternatives” to the public option that simply amount to “let’s not have a public option.”

:: Wait, if you work for the RNC, your abortion is covered by your insurance. Wait… what? Also, why are Republicans attacking the cost involved in HR 3962? It’s actually pretty cost-effective: it would increase coverage by 10% while only raising the costs 0.8%, which isn’t bad. The real problem with it is that the public option, such as it exists now, has been watered down to the point where it will only have the power to stop the insurance companies from screwing over their policy holders. Which, in and of itself, is much more than I was even expecting it to do. Provided it gets passed.

It was announced last week that uninsured emergency room patients are twice as likely to die as people with insurance. I think it’s time for the right to explain why they’re fighting so more people will die rather than less.

:: According to the Harvard Medical School, 2,266 veterans under the age of 65 died in 2008 because they couldn’t afford health insurance. In comparison, 155 US soldiers died in Afghanistan last year. But I’m sure all of those veterans didn’t have insurance because they didn’t want to pay for it and wanted cable television instead, right? Keep doing that bang-up job of supporting the troops, America.

:: I don’t have anything to say about Carrie Prejean right now other than she is a manipulative liar, a willing pawn (for money and publicity) in the right wing quest to oppress homosexuality, and a bigger sore loser than Sarah Palin. She is an idiot. Who the fuck walks off of Larry King? No, honey, he wasn’t being inappropriate, it’s just that you were completely unprepared for fame, because no matter how much you love attention, you have nothing to say.

(That said, I loved Mark Evanier’s contention that she’s been “getting a lot more airtime than any state-level beauty queen in history to complain that everyone's trying to silence her.” Right on.)

Why are we still talking about Sarah Palin? What is the point of that? Still, hearing her fans boo her for leaving a book signing early… yeah, if she can’t handle being governor for a full term and can’t handle a small market book tour, there’s an indication of what she would’ve been like for the country.

Kristen Bell Mondays

Happy 17th Birthday, Miley Cyrus

You are now legal in 37 states, including my home state of Illinois. Worth mentioning. Or something.

(BTW, does anyone else find it interesting and kind of hilarious that for a country so all-out terrified that teenagers might be fucking, the age of consent is 16 in 28 states?)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Song of the Week: "Bad Reputation"

Joan Jett, 1980. Not much to say other than I fucking love this song.

Twilight Summarized by a Smartass, Chapter 20

Belle wakes up in a hotel room in Phoenix. Edward and Carlisle have lost James. Alice has a vision that makes it pretty obvious that James is coming to Phoenix himself to hunt her. Belle pouts and feels sorry for herself.

That's... really, that's it.

Happy 25th Birthday, Scarlett Johansson

Even though you left me for Ryan Reynolds, I'm still a fan.