Saturday, April 11, 2009

Kitty Purry

You know, far be it from me to suggest there aren't ways in which Katy Perry makes up for her shitty music and her retarded personality.

Random Shirley Temple Image

I find this weirdly haunting.

Saturday Playlist

Man, my iTunes shuffle got a little sappy on me today...

1. Scott Walker: Such a Small Love
2. Camel: Aristillus
3. Tom Waits: I Don’t Wanna Grow Up
4. George Harrison: I’d Have You Anytime
5. John Denver: Annie’s Song
6. Annie Lennox: Walking on Broken Glass
7. Frank Sinatra: The Moon Was Yellow
8. Lalaine: You Wish
9. Joe Hisaishi: Reprise
10. Aerosmith: Angel

1. This song from Scott is sad enough to make me want to put a gun to my head. Beautiful, but sad on such a nice day.
2. From the classic Moonmadness. One of my all time fave prog bands.
3. One of my theme songs. "Makes me wish that I could be a dog."
4. Great song for the early morning; dark, deep, loving, caring, and soulful. A simple declaration.
5. You know, I hear people bag on this song, but it is really, really pretty. I make no apologies for my love of John Denver.
6. I haven't heard this song in so long. You could not escape it about 15 or 16 years ago. I think I'm still not ready to hear it again. I got so damn sick of it. It's not a bad song, it was just omnipresent! And "Little Bird" was a better song.
7. Fast opening, but very mellow. Frank makes it work as only he can. Frank could sing anything.
8. I miss you, Lalaine. I think this is the title song from a Disney Channel movie. I wish I still saw Lalaine more often.
9. My favorite track from Spirited Away. Nice pick, iTunes.
10. Cheese factor of 10, Captain.

TV Report: Parks and Recreation

Amy Poehler is just about the most perfect actress you could want on a show like this. She's just heightened enough to not be weighed down by the style of the show (from the creators of The Office, similar in tone but not a spin-off), but not so over-the-top that the comedy is irritating. She plays Leslie Knope, a midlevel bureaucrat at an Indiana Parks and Recreation Department. The local government seems to be pretty ineffectual; her boss dreams of getting rid of government spending and privatizing the department ("like Chuck E. Cheese"). Leslie, meanwhile, seems to see her functionary job as a springboard into national politics. And it never occurs to her that it's anything else.

Leslie Knope is a female version of The Office's Michael Scott. She has no self-awareness, no sense of futility, and is exceptionally pronoid. And, as with Michael Scott, it serves her surprisingly well and becomes a plus. (It's probably unfair to compare the two shows based on one episode, but I'm trying to convey the tone of the show here and it's an easy comparison.) Amy Poehler is pitch-perfect in the role, coming across as someone completely guileless but who is actually just socially off and surprisingly good at her job. She's a true believer in the power of government in an office full of people who would rather not bother trying.

I don't think, as others have said, that it suffers too much from being similar to The Office. I really enjoyed the premiere and will continue watching this show. I remember when people said The Office was too awkward, too. I remember writing a post or two when I was saddened that it might get canceled after its first six-episode season. Now it's one of the biggest hits on TV. I don't know if Parks and Recreation will hit with the same amount of people, but I think Amy Poehler alone makes it worth watching.

(And how cool is it that two of the funniest women in comedy, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, have shows on Thursday night? And in-between, Jenna Fischer, another of the funniest women around... well played, NBC. Well played.)

Maybe It Has Something to Do with Being Disorganized

26 March 2009: It is reported that Blender magazine is going under.

9 April 2009: I get a letter in the mail offering to renew my subscription for another year at 80% off the cover price.

Guys, I think you can stop the automatic mailing now.

TV Report: Krod Mandoon

Er, no.

I heard this described as a parody of a show like Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess. In actuality, it's not a parody of those shows--and those shows are hard to parody because they're so tongue-in-cheek. It's just another one of those incredibly stupid Hercules and Xena rip-offs.

It's way too late for more of this shit. It's not cute anymore.

This show is nothing more than a tremendous waste of Little Britain's Matt Lucas. Avoid at all costs.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Goode Friday

Batman vs. Actual Superpowers

Way back, I posted a video called "Batman Meets Superman" that really poked a lot of holes in the hot air balloon of The Dark Knight. And now, there's a second part which takes some of the air out of the whole "Batman is cool cuz he's a regular guy with no powers" meme I'm so, so sick of.

Even if you like Batman (and I do, don't get me wrong), I think these are funny videos.

Here's Part 2:



And here's Part 1 again:

No Throwdown This Week

I just can't bring myself to do one.

I am so disgusted with what's going on in this country right now. Wall Street is killing the economy in a power bid. Republicans are obstructing cabinet picks in a power bid. I don't know what the hell President Obama is doing anymore, but his Bushlike stance on secrecy looks like power corrupting to me. And person after person seems to be snapping and killing as many people as they can because they're striking back at a world that makes them feel powerless.

After a while, the disgust just builds up and builds up to the point where you just can't filter it anymore. I'm benumbed right now by all of this.

People want "change" but no one has any ideas how to make it happen. There are idiotic, desperate cries of "socialism" from people who have no idea what socialism is. Congress and the White House seem hellbent on "fixing" the economy from the top down. And all the while, we suffer the most and have the least voice.

When are we just going to storm the Bastille here?

America is in need of serious repairs and Congress is busy arguing over the cost while the White House is going to hide the details of how it was wrecked in the first place.

Nice.

It's pretty clear to me that all of this change and transparency and the punishment of those who are responsible just isn't going to happen. No one in a position to do anything about it is interested in doing anything about it. Obama acts like he's still campaigning half the time. The rest of the time, he's basically telling us to stop asking questions and move on. He talks a good game about sacrifice and accountability, but he's not putting any of it into practice. He's just placating everyone.

Granted, there are some areas where Obama has really stepped up. But there's a lot he's not interested in.

Even his response to Vermont, which is now the fourth state to legalize gay marriage, sounded like he was in campaign-mode. At least we don't have a president who publicly says he doesn't believe in evolution anymore. But to have a president who can publicly say he doesn't believe in equality--especially the first black president--is a sign of how little we've stepped forward as a nation.

I know we're better than this. I think we're smarter than this. But what we're getting out of our government is an absolute fucking joke. And I'm sick of trying to make sense of it. I don't have anymore hope to give to this ridiculous farce of show government, placation, and naked power grabs. It's the same as it's always been; it's just the names that have changed.

Nothing's ever going to get done. And no one cares.

Am I That Obvious?

One of YouTube's recommended videos for me this morning was the official trailer for 17 Again. I don't recall ever having watched any Zac Efron videos on YouTube, so the question for me is: how does YouTube know that I want to fuck Zac Efron?

Dave Arneson 1947-2009

So soon after Gary Gygax, too. Sad. Without those two, some of my childhood days would have been a lot more boring.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Obama Fried Chicken

ME: Apparently this guy called his joint Obama Fried Chicken in honor of the president.

BECCA: What do you think Obama Fried Chicken tastes like? My guess is that it looks really great, but when you finally get it, it's kind of a disappointment.

TV Report: Some Finales and Other Concerns

Does this mean that the TV season officially lasts from October through April now? Because I see so many shows have either hit their finales or are ramping up for a late April finish. Hey, if it means less reruns (what the fuck, How I Met Your Mother?), I'm good. My biggest gripe about network television is trying to spread a 22-to-25-week season over an average of 32 weeks. If you're giving me a rerun, you might as well not be on.

At random (with possible spoilers):

* I watched the ER finale. Except for that episode a couple of weeks ago with George Clooney on it, I hadn't seen a full episode of ER since Carter came back from Africa married to Thandie Newton. (Jaquandor has a great post that reflects most of my feelings about the decline of ER. I stopped watching it about the same time he did, after the Dr. Romano BS.) It was kind of a bittersweet finale; it was pretty easy to see which of the later doctors were essentially analogues of the characters on the premiere, and there were a lot of references and callbacks. There were some nice cameos, too, and I liked what they did with Rachel Greene showing up and linking the show to what I think of as the two halves of ER--the good half and the bad half. (Although, you know, in my head Yvonne Zima is still Rachel Greene. Why did they ditch her? Or she ditch them or whatever?) For me, the show ended when Mark Greene died and Carter read his letter to the staff. Everything after that stinks. So, it was a nice goodbye to something that, in my mind, had been dead for years.

* I loved, loved, loved Eastbound & Down. There's just something about Danny McBride which is utterly awesome and hilarious to me. As I predicted, the six-episode series took McBride's utterly unsympathetic asshole (baseball washout Kenny Powers) and took him to the lowest point possible, at which point he suddenly became pathetically sympathetic, and you just rooted for the guy. It was the same thing in McBride and Jody Hill's The Foot Fist Way, and it was worth the wait here. It was nice to see some real Southern Gothic. Well, some good Southern Gothic--there is no way in hell I am watching a second series of True Blood, HBO. You lost me on that one. I'm interested to see if a second series of Eastbound & Down will hold up. I actually dug the note it ended on, with Kenny once again fleeing from failure and trying desperately to leave it behind him so he doesn't have to acknowledge it. I think the critics were way too hard on this show. What is with critics this year? They seem to be demanding a return to predictable A to B to A writing where everything is resolved and characters don't develop. Patience, guys. That's why it's serialized. Trying to tell a story. Remember, story?

* Some questions about Big Love: is Roman finally, finally dead this time? I liked the character, but every time someone dies on this show it's another fake-out. I'm sick of the fake-out. Also, what is the point of Sarah? She finally had a real plot this season, but there's no reason for her to stick around. There are so many damn characters on this show, and they keep focusing on the least interesting among them. For me, the whole show's really about Nikki anyway. I would be happy if it was mainly focused on Chloe Sevigny and they didn't have to keep pretending that there's some kind of interesting arc for Ginnifer Goodwin. Oh, and I should say, too, that Jeanne Trippelhorn is fantastic on that show, and she actually gets more interesting as it goes on. But Bill Paxton continues to be one-note and kind of a weenie. I'm never sure if I'm actually going to watch this show when a new season comes up, but I always do. Becca, though, has insisted I watch it when she's not home. So there's that.

* The news for the season finale of Heroes is that a character who has been around since season one will be killed by Sylar. Tim Kring, you know what I'm going to do if it's Claire. That's all I'm saying. I still owe you for Elle, pal.

* I really enjoyed the hell out of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, but I was a teensy bit disappointed by the finale. Well, not disappointed, really. It just seemed like a weird place to end the season. It just sort of stopped. I've also figured out what the real problem is with Anakin. This show has actually made Anakin a likable, interesting character... then they get him back around Padme in the finale, and he turns smack back into that unlikable little whiny bitch. So, I'd say the key is to keep him away from Padme on the series so the writers don't have to default back to douche mode for Anakin. Otherwise, I've got no complaints about this show. I love it. I'm especially fascinated by the dark tone at the corners; this show really humanizes the Clones and makes them separate personalities, and they work so closely with the Jedi, but you realize at some point that the Jedi don't know that they're training the Clones to eventually take over the galaxy. The Jedi are engineering their own destruction; it adds a lot of depth to the show when you realize that Obi-Wan's friend and right hand man Commander Cody is going to fire shots at him one day. And I like Ahsoka Tano, but you know she's going to have to end up dead at some point...

* Ugly Betty was getting so good, and then it just kind of started to peter out, and now... gone. Is it coming back, or what? And when? I'm sure as hell not watching In the Motherhood or Samantha Who, so let's just stop this farce and put my damn show back on.

* You know, I'm surprised at how much I'm really enjoying the hell out of Castle. What started out as just cute silliness has become something fun that I'm getting wrapped up in. It's so nice to have something to enjoy that doesn't try to take itself seriously.

* I liked the Cupid pilot. I really didn't like the second episode. Should I give it one more chance, or should I just not bother?

* I can't wait to see what happens in the final episodes of The Office. How many shows have I been able to say that about in their fifth year?

* I'm so glad that Reaper is back; I've sung the praises of this show before, but I didn't quite realize how much I really missed this show until it finally, finally came back on. (Becca says it's also her favorite show on TV right now.) I especially like the inclusion of Nina, Ben's demon girlfriend. I'm just amazed at how little this show can think of to do with Andi. I was disappointed to see that the show's creators were apparently going to leave the show to go do some crap on Fox that'll probably be canceled quickly (I mean, that's what Fox does). Does this mean Reaper is going away? But it's so good, damn it.

(That said, I need to air one of my usual complaints: WGN cannot be a CW affiliate and continue to show sports. I'm sorry, it's one or the other, guys. I only watch one damn show on the CW, and I'm sick of having to TiVo several different shows on Tuesday night just because I know Reaper won't air at its "special" time of 10:30 Central because baseball ran over. Knock it off. You guys have actually made me feel sorry for Chicago-area 90210 fans. Not just because they choose to watch 90210, but because most Tuesdays they have to catch it at somewhere between 11:30 and 1:00 am because the Cubs needed extra innings to lose.)

* I really dug United States of Tara--Toni Collette's performance alone made that show worth watching--but I think it needs another series to put the first one into perspective. It ended on such an interesting note, shunning the easy answer of a rape trauma as motivation for a woman's behavior, which was a nice subversion of stereotypes of male-dominated fiction about women. I just hope we can ditch Nate Corrdry. I'm more interested in what's going on between Rosemarie DeWitt and Patton Oswalt. Rosemarie's Charmaine is an interesting character; I don't find her likable or sympathetic in the least (DeWitt's performance is excellent), but I'm interested in what happens to her. Can't wait for more, Showtime.

* That said, I am beyond done with Secret Diary of a Call Girl and will not be watching a third season if it happens. The second series took Hannah and turned her into a pathetic sad sack whimpering after the love of a total asshole who didn't seem to be worth the fuss. And that smug, we're-so-cute ending was just the final nail in the coffin. Fuck you.

* Has anyone else seen Mistresses on BBC America? I quite enjoyed the first series; they've started airing the second, but I'm going to wait until it's all on my TiVo and watch it at once, which is what I did with the first series. I was hoping for more trashy fun along the lines of Footballers' Wives, but this show is much more soap opera-y. For a show by women, I was surprised at how often the producers and writers punished its women characters for having sex, which is another stereotype of male-dominated fiction about women. But the various endings for the four main characters were pretty satisfying. Not an incredible show, but not a bad one by any means.

* Does it feel to anyone else like South Park is just never going to be that good ever again? It's been limping along with the occasional flare of brilliance for the last couple of seasons. I'm never excited that it's on anymore. Instead I feel like I'm obligated to keep watching it. Not sure why. The classic era is long over. I remember Trey Parker and Matt Stone once talking about how they didn't want this show to go on forever. It feels like it already has.

Wholesome Country Cuties

I saved the best one for last, obviously.

Dennis Quaid

Oh, man! You're in some of my all-time favorite movies. The Right Stuff. Enemy Mine (seriously). The Big Easy. Innerspace. Great Balls of Fire. Come See the Paradise. Dragonheart. Savior. The Parent Trap. You're even great in terrible movies like Undercover Blues, Wyatt Earp, The Alamo, The Day After Tomorrow, In Good Company, Flight of the Phoenix, and American Dreamz. It's your 55th birthday today! What have you got to say?

"Uh, don't take my picture, man."


Ah. Sorry. Nevertheless...

Happy Birthday, Dennis Quaid!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

What's Hotter Than Two Chicks Swordfighting?

Two chicks in a clothes-ripping Jedi duel.

Film Week

A review of the films I've seen this past week.

MR. BROOKS (2007)
I'm not sure why I got so caught up in watching this movie, except that it reminds me so much of an earlier time in my life. Kevin Costner plays the title character, a successful businessman who is also a serial killer who interacts with some kind of imaginary alter ego played by William Hurt. Demi Moore plays a cop on his tail. His wife is Marg Helgenberger; Demi's superior is played by Lindsay Crouse... it's one of the 10 glossiest thrillers of 1991! So, a voyeur (Dane Cook, nicely forgettable) sees Mr. Brooks commit a murder and forces him to continue killing so he can watch; Demi is going through a painful divorce from Jason Lewis; and Brooks thinks his daughter (Danielle Panabaker) is hiding something. There's a lot going on in this movie, mostly to its detriment. Some subplots are given short shrift in favor of more stereotypical thriller elements, and it's kind of a shame. They're trying to make a point about daughters and expectations, but it gets lost because, quite frankly, they're telling the wrong story. What would make a great--if trashy--700 page novel makes a 2 hour movie that's just too breezy and glossy to grab you in the right way. (By comparison, the same screenwriters wrote the excellent Starman.) But there is a lot here that I appreciated. Costner and Hurt give great performances. I liked the way Mr. Brooks treated his compulsion to kill as an alcohol addiction, even going to AA meetings and trying to stay centered. The whole thing with William Hurt actually works, partially because they never try to explain it. I heard that this is supposed to be the first part of a trilogy; I'd actually love to see another two parts to sort of flesh this whole world out more and make sense of an ending that I think is something of a cop out. I can't decide if this movie is so trashy it's good, or if it's better than it has a right to be. But either way, I can't deny that I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. *** stars.

STORYTELLING (2001)
Meh. Except for the first twenty minutes with Selma Blair and the Belle & Sebastian soundtrack, meh. Honestly, meh. ** stars.

OPEN SEASON (2006)
I love animation. I am, however, really sick of dancing, wisecracking animals. Really sick of them. This movie has some high points, but it's also a great example of how grating modern animation can be. ** stars.

At Least I Get Paid to Be in High School Now

Another meme from Jaquandor.

1. Did you date someone from your school senior year?

No. I did date someone from another high school, but only for three weeks. And for the third week, we apparently weren't talking. Yes, "apparently." I just didn't call her for a week because I got busy with school and didn't think about it. I know, I'm a shitty boyfriend. I didn't know she was waiting for me to call her to apologize for something I hadn't even remembered saying, but which she blew far out of proportion. Then I was set up with two different girls at the school's graduation party, and I went out with each of them (Inez and another girl whose name I wish I could remember--mystery girl was really hot and we went to the school parking lot late at night and smoked some weed. She was fun), but neither of them really worked out.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?

No.

3. Did you car pool to school?

A couple of times some friends picked me up. A couple of times my mom even let me borrow the car. Mostly, though, I took the bus.

4. What kind of car did you drive?

My mom's Ford Escort.

5. What kind of car do you have now?

Honda Civic.

6. It's Friday night...where were you (in high school)?

Either at home or at my friend Carl's. Or maybe a movie.

7. It is Friday night...where are you(now)?

At home or at a movie.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?

I got my first job, working at Target, about two months before I graduated.

9. What kind of job do you do now?

Substitute teacher.

10. Were you a party animal?

No.

11. Were you considered a flirt?

Very much so. Still am.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?

None.

13. Were you a nerd?

I don't think so. I didn't get nerdly grades.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled?

No.

15. Can you sing the fight song?

I don't know if we even had one.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)?

My junior year English teacher, Mr. Crandus, was a really great teacher who respected my intelligence and validated my ambitions.

17. Where did you sit during lunch?

All over the place. I didn't have a regular group of friends in high school, but I did have someone who dug me in every group, so I ended up at many different tables.

18. What was your school's full name?

Downers Grove High School South.

19. When did you graduate?

1994.

20. What was your school mascot?

We were the Mustangs. Famously, the students picked the name Mustang in the sixties in reference to the car. So, of course, we had a horse symbol. Makes you wonder what those sixties kids' colleagues at Downers Grove North had in mind when they picked the name Trojans.

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you?

Fuck, no.

22. Did you have fun at Prom?

I didn't go to my prom. I went to the prom of the class a year ahead of me; Lenka Machalova, the girl who sat behind me in Psychology 1 was an exchange student from the Czech Republic and wanted to go to the American prom, so I agreed to go as a friend. (We were already study partners a couple of times.) She didn't know I had an enormous crush on her. I wish that story had a better ending. We hung out for a while that summer, and I helped her save her belongings from a flooded basement, and I showed her the Star Wars movies for the first time in her life. And it was a little awkward because she didn't like me back.

23. Do you still talk to your prom date?

Haven't seen her since we said goodbye in the summer of '93.

24. Who was your best friend?

Carl, who unfortunately went to a different high school.

25. What did you want to be when you grew up?

A writer.

26. Any regrets?

Sure, lots of them. But they're the same that lots of other people have--not making the most of opportunities, not getting better grades, not working harder, not hitting certain people, not telling certain people you liked them, or, in the case of one girl, telling her you did.

27. Biggest fashion mistake?

My standard wear was pretty much tee shirt, flannel shirt, and jeans.

28. Favorite fashion trend?

I liked the flannel. It was comfortable. And I was wearing it just because they wouldn't let me wear my jacket in class. Then, at one point, everyone started wearing it.

29. Are you going to your next reunion?

Probably not. I haven't felt the need to go to any of them. There's only a couple of people I'd ever want to see again.

30. Who did you have a secret crush on?

Lots of people. And Jamie Drendel, but I think that crush was very overt.

31. Did you go on spring break?

No. Stayed home. And it snowed one year. Awesome!

Yeah, this high school meme was as underwhelming and ordinary as high school itself.

Plug

The new Positive Cynicism is up at HoboTrashcan. Miley Cyrus, media, me being annoyed, etc.

Jack Wrangler 1946-2009

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Health Report, Year 3: Week 17

Being insured feels good. Having the proper medication feels good. Working all day feels good. Spring feels good. I may be poor, broke, overweight, in bad health, and underemployed, but today feels good.

The Cheerleader Has Bigger Balls Than I Do

I admit it. Say what you want about Hayden Panettiere, but I'd never let a shark get that close to me. That's one tuff chick.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Geek Credentials

Jaquandor did this meme, and there was no way I could resist it. You just put an X next to the items which describe you. So here we go.

(X) You spent a day watching all of the Lord of the Rings/Star Wars/Star Trek movies. -- Yes, I still do this occasionally. In fact, since we bought the big screen TV, we've decided we have to do this again. We did do a day watching all six Star Wars movies--the day I really became a fan again--and plan to do it with Lord of the Rings and several other films series. We've also done it with Back to the Future and Indiana Jones.

( ) You spent next two days after watching commentary, outtakes, and behind the scenes footage.

(X) And you bought the soundtrack. -- I have the soundtracks to a LOT of fantasy and science fiction movies.

(X) You went to a midnight release of a movie. -- Not a new movie, though, so does this still count? I have been to a lot of midnight showings of cult movies, though. That was how I saw Bubba Ho-tep the first time.

( ) You camped in front of the theater for more than 12 hours to get tickets. -- I've never stood in line longer than 90 minutes for tickets, but I did do that for all three Star Wars prequels and all three LOTR movies.

( ) Camping did not prevent you from being in costume.

(X) You can have an entire conversation with friends consisting of quotes from your favorite movies.

( ) You own at least three game systems. -- Thanks to Becca, yes. I still have my Atari 2600 and my original Nintendo Entertainment System. Every time I think I can't play video games anymore (because of how easily I'm frustrated by stupid things), Becca comes home with a Nintendo 64 or a Playstation 2. Also, Becca still has her old Sega Genesis.

( ) You have lost weight because you forgot to eat while trying to reach the next level in your game. -- Lost?

( ) You own more than four game controllers (of any kind). -- Not for any one system.

( ) You have existed on 3 hours of sleep per night so that your "Sims" get 8 hours and are refreshed for work.

( ) You upgraded your computer because you wanted to buy a new video game/expansion pack.

( ) You have dressed as your game avatar, or as a npc in that game.

( ) You achieved level 60 on World of Warcraft.

(X) You have played "Dungeons and Dragons" or any other RPG. -- Those were fun times.

(X) You know what "RPG" stands for.

( ) You dressed as your RPG character would dress.

( ) You own dice with more than six sides.

( ) You have been accused of having a "gamer" scent. -- No, but I've done my share of gamer-bashing at cons. (One of my favorite lines ever, via Paul T. Riddell, who once discovered a petting zoo at, I think, Armadillocon: "Oh, look, they brought animals for the gamers.") I remember Carl and I getting some dirty looks while waiting in a line at WizardWorld and passing the gamer tables; we said, simultaneously, "You sunk my battleship!" Pissed off gamers.

( ) You can identify a Black Lotus.

(X) You can identify a Charizard. -- And I can admit that he's my second-favorite Pokemon (after Bulbasaur).

( ) You have bought any of the "Harry Potter" books after standing in line until midnight. -- Luckily, Becca works at a bookstore, so I never had to.

( ) You waited to get your "Harry Potter" book in costume, quoting favorite lines.

(X) You have attended any function with "con" in the name. -- It's a sure way to get me somewhere.

( ) You stood in line at said "con" for more than 4 hours to have an item signed.

( ) You spent more than $50 on a costume to wear to "con" because you wanted it to be authentic.

(X) You own more than 50 comics.

(X) You collect your comics in longboxes.

(X) You know what a "longbox" is.

(X) You've met and had your comics signed by the creator(s).

(X) You know how many "Robins" there are. -- I think.

(X) You know that the portrayal of Rogue in the movie "X-Men" is completely wrong. -- I don't like the word "wrong," but it is different. I liked Rogue in the movie, though. I knew way too many fanboys who just seemed to think Rogue was their imaginary girlfriend.

(X) You have chatted online more than in person.

(X) You chatted online enough to learn the time zones.

( ) You think that when the Mythbusters say "Don't try this at home," they really don't mean YOU.

( ) Have participated in a movie/tv marathon that involved a drinking game.

( ) Can sing along with the Buffy Musical Episode.

(X) You know Seth Green from more than just the "Austin Powers" movies.

(X) You can name all 8 Kevin Smith-directed movies without referring to IMdb. -- And I liked Jersey Girl, too.

(X) You have participated in a "Clerks"-esque discussion about Star Wars (or any other movie).

(X) You have participated in a Kirk vs Picard discussion.

(X) You have participated in a Star Wars vs Star Trek discussion.

(X) You have participated in a Babylon 5 vs. Star Trek:DS9 discussion

(X) You know who jms is.

( ) You have ever corrected anyone who called you a Trekkie. -- I don't care either way, "Trekkie" or "Trekker."

(X) You have worn a Star Fleet Uniform. -- One year when I was in elementary school I went as Mr. Spock for Halloween. I did the TV show uniform, so it was really just black pants and a thin sweatshirt.

( ) You own a Star Fleet Uniform.

(X) You think "Twilight" is lame because everyone knows that vampires burst into flame in the sunlight. -- Well, I do think Twilight is lame, but it's mostly because of the vamptard fans.

( ) You have written fanfic.

( ) You have watched Bizzare Foods and thought "I'd try that."

( ) You can pinpoint the moment at which "Lost" jumped the shark. -- That show has so many other problems, frankly.

(X) You know who Stan Lee is.

(X) You know who Jack Kirby is.

(X) You know who Geoff Johns is.

( ) You have built a website.

(X) You have started a blog.

(X) You maintained a blog for over a year.

( ) You know what the Genie SFRT is.

( ) You have a Twitter account.

( ) You have over 500 followers on Twitter.

( ) You purchased a smartphone just so you could check Twitter on the road.

( ) You forget your family members' birthdays because they aren't your friends on Facebook. -- No, I forget my family members' birthdays because I'm a selfish dick.

( ) You have given virtual gifts on Facebook.

( ) You have Superpoked your boss on Facebook.

( ) You have gotten a date through Facebook (and we're not talking dinner and movie with your buddies).

( ) You have broken up with someone/been broken up with through Facebook. -- This doesn't make me feel like I'm missing anything on Facebook.

( ) You've reached level 30 or higher in Mafia Wars.

(X) You know what Mafia Wars is.

( ) You participated in more than three social networks.

(X) You've spent more than 200 hours playing the same video game. -- Sometimes I forgot to go to classes because I was on the computer plating Civilization III.

(X) You've seen any movie in the theater more than three times.

(X) You can name the episode of MST3K where Joel was replaced by Mike. -- One of my favorite episodes ever: Mitchell. Baby oil!

(X) You've argued why the comic is way superior to the show/movie when discussing "The Tick," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," "X-Men," "Fantastic Four," "Spider-Man," etc. -- Especially TMNT, when you mention it.

( ) You have the soundtrack for "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" on your MP3 player.

(X) You are willing to defend the Star Wars prequels. -- And have.

( ) You openly disparage the Star Wars prequels because they don't live up to "Empire."

( ) You're openly concerned about the time line ramifications that J.J. Abram's "Star Trek" movie presents to the canon. -- I wouldn't say concerned so much as disappointed that Abrams didn't have the spine to just straight up remake Star Trek.

(X) You own anything written by Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore or H.P. Lovecraft. -- Many by all three.

( ) You have a flying spaghetti monster on your car.

(X) You've seen a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show with live actors in front of the screen. -- Yes, when I was 16. My cousin who took me was really weirded out. Somehow, she'd never heard of what Rocky entailed. I wanted to come back to the same theater (Billy Joe's Pitcher Show in Des Moines, IA) the next week to see Heavy Metal for the first time, but she didn't want to go through the same thing again.

(X) You know the REAL reason Spider-Man had a black costume.

( ) You know the NCC numbers of at least two starships other than the Enterprise. -- I used to, but now I can't recall them. I used to at least know the Excelsior.

(X) You know what "NCC" stands for. -- Is it still Naval Construction Contract?

( ) You own an original Star Trek Concordance, Technical Manual, and Blueprints. -- Used to have the Concordance.

( ) You own at least two medieval weapons.

(X) You have participated in battles with foam-covered swords. -- Still do, occasionally. Hey, they're only a buck at Le Mart du Wal.

(X) You know who "Major Matt Mason" is. -- But only because of the recent film announcement.

(X) You have seen bootleg copies of the original Fantastic Four and Justice League movies. -- Yes, and I have a really shitty tape of the Corman FF. And, honestly, I don't think it's that bad. It's certainly better than the crappy movie with Jessica Alba.

( ) After having had children you realize there's now more people to costume and relish it.

( ) You've managed to turn four days at Euroquest* into nearly eight because, who needs sleep?

( ) You've spent more than $1000 on your "spot-on" costume. (and it's still not quite right...)

( ) You've made a fan film.

( ) Your fan film has been seen by more than your immediate family.

(X) People know you by your online name instead of your mundane name.

( ) You know what Pennsic is.

( ) You've camped at Pennsic.

( ) You have/had personalized plates on your car proudly proclaiming your fandom. -- No, but I always thought about getting one that said "Red 5."

( ) Your spouse and/or friends do as well.

( ) You yell at your kids when they try to open a toy/book/comic/figure etc. that you're collecting. -- Does it count if it's younger cousins?

( ) Your kids have broken your Hallmark collectible Star Trek/Star Wars, etc. ornament. -- I don't have to worry about it since I don't have kids. But I do have Star Trek, Star Wars, and DC Superheroes ornaments.

( ) You've traveled more than 500 miles to attend a con.

( ) You have a tattoo related to your fandom of choice.

( ) You met your spouse at a fan-related event or con.

( ) You got engaged (to be married!) at a sci-fi convention.

( ) You are publicly willing to defend Dollhouse, because Joss Whedon must be trusted.

Happy Birthday

...to one of my adopted actors, Billy Dee Williams.

Consideration

ME: I had so much fun doing my The Bible Summarized by a Smartass series on my blog. You know, even though I was reading the bible.

BECCA: Right.

ME: I'm thinking of something else to serially summarize. Something as popular as the bible, but with as disproportionately large an amount of overly-vocal nutjobs. What do you think of Twilight Summarized by a Smartass?

BECCA: Well, sure, if you can get over hating yourself for reading Twilight.

ME: Good point.

Kristen Bell Mondays


Sunday, April 05, 2009

Song of the Week: "5D (Fifth Dimension)"

My favorite track by the Byrds, the title and lead-in for their third album, Fifth Dimension. It is very much a Roger McGuinn song. It's not the modal show stopping masterpiece "Eight Miles High" is, but it's just so pretty and uncertain that I love it. 1966 is such an interesting year in music, with bands like the Byrds, the Beach Boys, the Beatles, and the Zombies branching off in search of new directions in rock music. This is the kind of music I never, ever get tired of.

Sunday Hottie 218

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO