Yo, Joe! Episode 35

Excalibur

G.I. Joe is on the USS Flagg setting up something they call an "anti-Cobra radar system," which is really something the world's needed for a very long time. Cobra won't take this lying down, though, and a squadron of Rattlers attack with Destro, Storm Shadow, and Major Bludd in command. Duke leads a counterattack which, predictably, ends in a Cobra retreat. Apparently they're off the coast of England, because Storm Shadow's damaged Rattler crashes into a lake near a castle.

Freeing himself, the ninja sees a woman hovering near a stone table. He swims over and takes the sword off the table. We all know which sword this is.

Excalibur!

Immediately, clouds move in and a freak storm breaks. The Joes aren't finished setting up the radar, so Duke decides to use the WHALE hovercrafts to deliver the system to a nearby village. (Don't ask me to explain how this whole radar system works, I'm sure there's a method but, and I know this will shock you, I'm not a radar technician.)

And anyway, it doesn't matter because Storm Shadow uses Excalibur to destroy the radar components.

And he slices the gun barrels of Footloose, Spirit, and Quick Kick when they try to stop him. Finally, an episode where Storm Shadow actually is a bad ass.

He even almost kills Footloose just for following him. As it is, Storm Shadow takes him prisoner and makes off to meet with Cobra Commander.

Spirit, ever the Native American pulp fiction stereotype, believes the storm is unnatural. Duke, shrugging off the past 34 episodes and The Revenge of Cobra, decides not to believe Spirit until his hypothesis is confirmed by a total stranger. This guy:

Beemish. That's his name. He says that the Lady of the Lake lives nearby and that Excalibur must have been stolen, forcing her to "raise her hands and drown the British Isles." And, in a flash of lightning, he disappears. Duke, I imagine, makes plans to never come to the British Isles again. He takes it out on Quick Kick and Spirit by ordering those two "mutton-heads" to go back out into the storm and not come back without Footloose.

Well, this is England, so Destro and Cobra Commander must be holed up inside of a castle. Storm Shadow shows up with an unconscious Footloose, who suddenly jumps up and starts fighting. He nearly takes out Destro and the Commander, too, until Storm Shadow uses Excalibur to cut down a stone pillar.

Because, as we all know, English castles always have at least one superfluous pillar which is not integral to the roof's support in any way.

Destro immediately begins scheming to steal the sword from Storm Shadow, worried that Cobra Commander will figure out the sword's power and want it for himself.

As if things weren't bad enough, the village's dam is fit to bust at any moment. Duke orders Lady Jaye to evacuate the village first and save the radar system second, but Beemish shows up again and tells Duke the only way to save the villagers is to return Excalibur to the lake.

Oh, and this little girl can't find her cat. Just in case you didn't get how desperate things are here.

Meanwhile, out on the Tactical Battle Platform, Cobra attacks G.I. Joe and forces them off. Cobra next attacks the village itself, where Destro tries to fire a rocket at Storm Shadow to gain Excalibur for himself. Catching a cold from the rain, though, he sneezes just as he squeezes the trigger, and sends the rocket sailing towards the village...

...where it hits a building and buries Mutt in debris. But hey, it's awesome to finally see Mutt again! And hey, he found the cat!

(Wow, there's really not much of Mutt after this at all, either. Too bad; I love that guy.)

Wild Bill arrives with the cavalry and manages to push back Cobra, and the Baroness orders a retreat. (Seriously, everyone is here somewhere.) Major Bludd, however, fires a missile into the dam and a flood heads straight towards the village. It's been evacuated, but Mutt and Junkyard are still there and Mutt's unconscious and Junkyard's trapped.

Aww, saved by the power of a kitten. Happy Caturday, everyone!

I love the look on off-model Shipwreck's face here. He's just like "Aw, shit, fine. I always knew I'd die this way, anyway. Let's get it over with."

How does Mutt escape the flood? By the power of surfing.

Because Mutt is just that awesome. And Junkyard... hey, when you've been parachuting, surfing ain't shit.

FUCK, YEAH! SUCK MY DICK, FLOOD!

Spirit and Quick Kick, meanwhile, have walked away into the offscreen nether regions and no one cares. Well, not really, but... well, would you care?

Actually, they've found the castle, but they don't know Cobra's inside. Storm Shadow gets the drop on Quick Kick and knocks him over the edge of a battlement. The impact of the landing breaks Quick Kick's leg, which oughta shut him up for a little while. Wondering WWJWD--What Would John Wayne Do?--Quick Kick calls for the nearest Indian with an owl call. Spirit thinks he hears a wounded chicken. Eat it, Quick Kick.

Man, Spirit should change his codename to "Every Injun," because he is every stereotype of a Native American rolled into one. Not that I don't like Spirit, I just wish he could be a guy and not a stereotype. He wears an apron, for chrissakes. He has a healing power that he uses to heal Quick Kick's broken leg. Quick Kick, overjoyed, spins and jumps and leaps and does ballet moves and says he's singin' in the rain. We hear Quick Kick think: "Next time, I'll fix his brain."

Yes! Someone else gets it! Quick Kick sucks!

The two Joes rescue Footloose from the Crimson Guard, then try to escape. It leads to another confrontation between Storm Shadow and Quick Kick on the roof of the castle. Spirit signals Duke and Flint, then sends his eagle Freedom up after Excalibur.

And it works. I don't know, I believe the surfing dog, but an eagle flying off with a sword weighing it down...

Well, now G.I. Joe shows up and sends Cobra into a retreat. Excalibur is returned and the weather clears. The radar system is destroyed, but it can be rebuilt. Beemish is happy, the villagers are saved, Cobra is gone, and the little girl gets her cat back, and all's right with the world.

This episode is a bit of a trifle, but there are some really good moments here. Except for the two-parters, this is kind of the middling part of the first season.