Film Week

A review of the films I've seen this past week.

ANOTHER CINDERELLA STORY (2008)
Well, it's cute. I like Selena Gomez; I think she's one of the more talented Disney girls. And I'm pleased to see that dancing is starting to look more like dancing and less like having an aneurism to music; geez, you lazy kids, you can move your legs, too. (Chris Brown excepted; not a fan of his music, but that kid can dance.) A cute time-waster, and I was surprised to see Katherine Isabelle from Ginger Snaps as one of the evil stepsisters. But am I the only one who doesn't think Jane Lynch is funny? **1/2 stars.

NORMAL ADOLESCENT BEHAVIOR (2007)
Stupid, reactionary fantasy about teenagers who have sex. Ridiculous. And released on video as Havoc 2. Don't bother unless, like me, you're extremely bored. * star.

PRAYERS FOR BOBBY (2009)
Man, this movie just took me by surprise. I was expecting one of those painfully earnest, bad-but-fun Lifetime movies. And there I was, sobbing like mad several times. This movie struck a real chord with me. It's emotionally genuine. This is a true story about Mary Griffith, the gay rights crusader, and her son, Bobby, who came out to her while he was still in high school in the early eighties. Mary, a devout woman, pushes religion as the "cure" for homosexuality, and refuses to see Bobby any other way but sick and in need of more God. Bobby, becoming more desperate and adrift, kills himself, and it's only then that Mary finally makes an effort to understand her son's feelings and that homosexuality is not a sin and not an illness. I identified a lot with this movie. I'm not going to get all pretentious and say I know what it's like to be gay, but I do know what it's like to be made to feel like there's something wrong with you, like you're not a real person because of something people don't like about you. And I know what it's like to try to get your parents to understand it and, when they don't get it, to stop trying and feel shut out. A surprisingly powerful, mostly sensitive film. Sigourney Weaver is excellent (of course) as Mary, and Ryan Kelley is sympathetic and likable as Bobby. Henry Czerny plays Mary's husband; it's always nice to see him. ***1/2 stars.

SANTA CLAUS (1959)
Oh, holy shit. A terrible Mexican film terribly dubbed into English and painfully narrated with the kind of earnestness usually reserved for films about the coming atomic wars. So, Santa Claus lives on a cloud in heaven, has children of all races building his toys for him (are they kidnapped slaves?), has a creepy telescope with an eye and a mouth that can see into childrens' dreams, and has his best friend, Merlin, make potions for him. His sleigh is drawn by four creepy wind-up reindeer. And there's a demon, Pitch, who is under Satan's orders to try and stop Santa as he makes his intricate, seemingly-in-real-time way through Mexico City. The scenes of the devils camping about in hell is like some kind of fucked-up parody of Kenneth Anger. This movie is unbearable. For about ten minutes it seems like an unintentionally hilarious camp classic that's going to be a lot of fun to rip on; after that, it is unbelievably tedious. Seriously, this may be the longest 90 minutes of your life. What a piece of shit. Apparently there's a Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of this movie. I wonder if they had more fun with it. This movie has made me hate Christmas, hate movies, and kind of hate being alive. Tread carefully; this is the kind of movie you can't un-see. The worst piece of happiness-killing awfulness you could ever look for. No stars.