My 30 Favorite Muppets

Splotchy commented yesterday in my post about despising the "Muppets Band" tee shirt that he thought a Lew Zealand or Crazy Harry shirt would be much cooler. I had to agree, and started thinking about Muppets that would make better tee shirts (another choice: Pops). For some reason or other, that led me to do this: a list of my 30 favorite Muppets.

30. Bad Andy
I admit, this is mostly out of sympathy. In a particularly Muppetless time, I thought it was neat that the Domino's Pizza mascot was a Muppet. And I also admit, I'm still pretty irritated with the reason why he was quickly axed from the commercials: sales went down because people couldn't figure out what he was supposed to be. Was he a monkey? Was he some kind of child? No, morons, he was a Muppet, and I don't think I can function in a world where a Muppet's identity goes questioned.

29. Doc Bullfrog
He just looks neat; I've always been very drawn to this frog design for some reason. He's from Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. And his restaurant has mashed potatoes.

28. Count Von Count
Why? I'm not sure, I just think he's funny. He always reminds me of Count Floyd from SCTV.

27. The Doozers
I just always thought they were neat, too. I used to love watching them ride their little machines and build structures out of sticks. I remember seeing a bunch of mechanized Doozers at the Museum of Science & Industry when they had the Jim Henson exhibit there. You could also go into the Fraggle Rock tunnel, but the way. I think I was about 11 at the time, and it was wonderful.

26. Doglion
25. Thog
I always have a soft spot for the giant Muppet monsters, and these are two of my favorites. Poor Thog always looks nervous and confused.

24. Boober Fraggle
I always like the depressed ones who hate company. That always resonated with me, and now I'm a hermit, so there you go.

23. Bert & Ernie
Still my favorite gay couple on television. Sometimes, when I say that, people tell me I'm ruining their childhoods. Personally, I like Bert & Ernie better as a gay couple; they not only teach acceptance (which is way better than tolerance), they kind of show you how you can make relationships work. True SamuraiFrog fact: my first word was "Ernie."

22. Grover
Another childhood fave. I used to put a blanket around my shirt and pretend I was Super Grover. I could relate to him a lot; I always felt like I was saying and doing the wrong things all the time.

21. Sweetums
Jack not name; jack job. He's just awesome.

20. Uncle Traveling Matt Fraggle
He used to inspire me; my whole life, I've had this unfulfilled urge to wander and travel and see new things, and it's always, always quashed by this pragmatic/fearful side of me that says it's better to stay home. Every morning, calling me away.

19. Uncle Deadly
He's just so neat to look at. Plus he's got that great Vincent Price connotation, since he appeared with Price on The Muppet Show (and they sang "You've Got a Friend").

18. Koozebanians
For some reason, this is still the most vivid Muppet sketch in my head.

17. Animal
He gets tiresome, sometimes, but he's still really funny.

16. Big Bird and Barkley
When I was a kid, we lived in a neighborhood with two of those big sheepdog things like Barkley; I was always afraid of them, but I loved the idea of having a dog that was gentle and fun and big like Barkley. Big Bird was also naive and childish like I was (as a naive child, natch), and I just... I don't know, they make me feel like I haven't lost something that makes me me, because they help me remember.

15. Oscar the Grouch
We share the same temperament. Shout-out to Slimey (who never gets shout-outs).

14. Bobo the Bear
"And I'm the bear currently known as 'not amused.'" I loved Bobo when they made him the doorman on Muppets Tonight. His gentle humor and amiable nature makes me laugh hard; he's probably my favorite part of Muppets in Space. I like that the Muppet family keeps growing; there were some pretty good characters from Muppets Tonight (although I could probably live without Clifford), including Dr. Phil Van Neuter, Johnny Fiama, Sal Minella, and...

13. Pepe the King Prawn
As little sidekicks go, I find this smooth-talking shrimp a hell of a lot funnier than Rizzo the Rat. (Nothing against Rizzo, I just don't think he's that funny.)

12. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker
Now, a Muppet Labs shirt would be awesome. Every joke about scientists, from Pinky and the Brain to Dr. Philo Farnsworth, originates here. And their sketches are still among the funniest I've ever seen.

11. Pigs in Space
I couldn't decide between the hilarious Dr. Julius Strangepork and the also hilarious Link Hogthrob, so I picked the whole thing. First Mate Piggy only adds to the fun. I think the "Pigs in Space" sketches illustrate something that's great about the Muppets: yes, there are great nods and parodies of Star Trek, Star Wars, Buck Rogers, etc, but it's not a parody of one specific media. A lot of the humor comes from Link being a pompous ass, Piggy being vain but kind of smart, and Strangepork being a little crazy. That's why so many shows like Family Guy fail for me; for humor to really last, it has to come out of the characters and not just repeating something.

10. The Swedish Chef
No, not Dane Cook. I defy anyone to watch the Swedish Chef and not laugh. Can you say the same about Dane Cook? The guy doesn't even have a kitchen.

9. Dr. Teeth
I miss him. I always liked the way he talked, in this sort of faux-hippie jive that sounded like some weird prospector slang, consarn it.

8. Cookie Monster
Former IBM spokesmonster. I loved his fanatical devotion to cookies. Did he turn me into a fat guy who eats too much junk? Nope, I did it to myself. Isn't it really the job of the other monsters to teach kids to balance their diet? C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me, dammit.

7. Wilkins and Wontkins
Those Wilkins Coffee ads are so laugh-inducing it's hard to breathe.

6. Fozzie Bear
I can sympathize, man. I can sympathize. Man, Frank Oz performed a lot of characters who were easily hurt and frustrated.

5. Statler and Waldorf
Anyone ever notice these guys are referred to as "Statler and Waldorf," but Waldorf is always on our left side? How come it's not "Waldorf and Statler"? There's some kind of conspiracy going on here. Anyway, how could I not love these guys? This is what I turn into when I watch 90% of television.

4. Snuffleupagus
Remember back when everyone thought Big Bird just made him up? There's something forever sad about Snuffy, like the Little Tramp, that I just really hold on to.

3. Gonzo
The Muppet who wanted to go to Bombay to be a big movie star. So much of my worldview is based on abject weirdness, and there you go. Plus, he sings my favorite ever Muppet song, "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday." I still remember every word.

2. Kermit the Frog
Always one of the great fictional figures of my life. In fact, for fun, I once made a list of my 100 favorite fictional characters, and he came in first. Yes, I make lists for fun.

1. Rowlf the Dog
My favorite Muppet. Obviously, Jim Henson is a pretty influential person in my life, and now I recognize that I like Rowlf the best because he just seems the most Jim Henson to me. Something really comfortable and never forced, always funny and relaxed and never frustrated or full of pathos. He didn't have to be a symbol the way Kermit sometimes did. When I was a kid, I liked Rowlf the best for some of those same reasons; he was funny and amiable and easygoing. He reminded me a bit of my Uncle Ralph, who not only had a similar name but was a big guy with a slightly gruff voice (mostly from smoking) and who laughed an awful lot. Rowlf is something special for me, more than the rest of them, and watching him sing "Cottleston Pie" or "New York State of Mind" is a beautiful thing.