32 Singles

Another birthday list from Tom the Dog, this one using this site to tell you what song was number one every year on your birthday. So, since I enjoy making them, here's another list.

2008 ... "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry
As I've said before, this song's just crap. And Katy Perry, former Christian pop singer, is riding it to however much she can get out of it, keeping up this idiotic image of a girl who's totally, like, hetero, but loves to make it with girls. First she wants to make out with Miley Cyrus, now she says the song was inspired by Scarlett Johansson... gods of the elder, will you please shut the hell up about it? Your song sucks!

2007 ... "Umbrella" by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z
I liked this; every Rihanna album is always good for two or so really good pop singles.

2006 ... "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland
Would you believe this is still on my iPod? This is as good as modern pop music can get.

2005 ... "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey
All Mariah Carey songs blend together in my head. I think this is one of the slower ones. I don't know, I just like her music videos. The songs are incidental.

2004 ... "Burn" by Usher
I couldn't tell you; all Usher songs blend together. Not a fan of the guy.

2003 ... "Crazy in Love" by Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z
Another good pop single; I like this one.

2002 ... "Hot in Herre" by Nelly
Crap.

2001 ... "U Remind Me" by Usher
See 2004.

2000 ... "Bent" by matchbox twenty
I guess it's kind of nice that in America people can become successful no matter how incredibly shitty their music is.

1999 ... "Bills, Bills, Bills" by Destiny's Child
Meh. It was one of the less irritating Destiny's Child hits; well-produced.

1998 ... "The Boy Is Mine" by Brandy & Monica
Oh, yeah, remember Brandy? Jesus fuck, I hated this song.

1997 ... "I'll Be Missing You" by Puff Daddy & Faith Evans featuring 112
Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Hufflypuff/Puff the Magic Dipshit/Dip Shitty can suck it. He put about as much effort into this single as your average fourth-grader does when they realize they didn't do their science project the night before it's due.

1996 ... "How Do U Want It/ California Love" by 2Pac
Not a 2Pac fan. Now Pac Man, there's a guy I like.

1995 ... "Waterfalls" by TLC
Mega-crap.

1994 ... "I Swear" by All-4-One
Ultra-mega-crap.

1993 ... "Weak" by SWV
I don't even know what this is. I know who SWV is (an En Vogue wannabe group), but I don't know the song and can't be arsed to look it up.

1992 ... "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot
Amen, brother. I actually like this song, and not in an ironic way like a jerk. That said, I'm so tired of hearing white people sing this song because they think they're being ironically funny. Jerks. Ironic detachment is just a desperate plea for other people to notice how clever you are, there, I said it.

1991 ... "Unbelievable" by EMF
Unbelievably bad. And using it to advertise Kraft? What the hell was that all about?

1990 ... "She Ain't Worth It" by Glenn Medeiros with Bobby Brown
I don't know what this is.

1989 ... "Toy Soldiers" by Martika
I just remember being surprised that someone from Kids, Incorporated had a single. I never liked this song. 1989 was a year of really awful, confused music trying desperately to find the new pop tone once New Wave petered out. I think mainstream pop really blew hard from ca. 1988 to ca. 1995.

1988 ... "Hold On to the Nights" by Richard Marx
Sucks. Richard Marx sucked. The only song worse than this was "Right Here Waiting." Older women sure dug him; he was kind of a proto-Michael Bolton, only far more wimpy.

1987 ... "Alone" by Heart
Cheesy, but I like it.

1986 ... "Invisible Touch" by Genesis
I've made no secret of my love for this entire album; I think (and apparently so does Patrick Bateman) that this is the great unsung eighties pop album. What did this have, like six hits?

1985 ... "A View to a Kill" by Duran Duran
I like this song, too. Not a huge fan of Duran Duran, but this is a good one. It shows up on my iPod now and then. So does "Hungry Like the Wolf."

1984 ... "When Doves Cry" by Prince
Wow, this song was played forever. It's a good one, despite how overfamiliar it is.

1983 ... "Every Breath You Take" by The Police
Another song that got played forever and ever and ever. I'm still sick of it, actually. Just to show you how close to the edge of insanity I am, I suddenly realized when I was in high school, about 1992, that I was still hearing the song on the radio all the time. I actually started noticing that not a day went by without me hearing this song somewhere. And it just haunted me for years, until some time in 2003 when I was actually able to consciously say, "This is the first day in over a decade that I didn't hear 'Every Breath You Take' at all." I like the Police, but that song...

1982 ... "Don't You Want Me" by The Human League
I love this song. This also shows up on my iPod every now and then, too.

1981 ... "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes
Okay little tune, but not a favorite.

1980 ... "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me" by Billy Joel
Not my favorite Billy Joel song, but not a bad song at all.

1979 ... "Bad Girls" by Donna Summer
Donna Summer ain't bad, but I can live without this song.

1978 ... "Shadow Dancing" by Andy Gibb
Fuck no. Hate it.

1977 ... "Looks Like We Made It" by Barry Manilow
Blurgh. The only Manilow song I like is "Mandy."

1976 ... "Afternoon Delight" by The Starland Vocal Band
I admit, I have a soft spot for this song. It just weirdly makes me feel good. Probably the cleanest song about fucking I've ever heard.