Random thoughts, questions, and observations for the week. Special "Get Fucking Over It" Edition.
1. Pictures of Britney Spears smoking in the actual presence of her kid came out this week, and people were just outraged, I tell you, outraged. Because there has never been a woman in the history of the world who smoked when their children were around before, as most children aren’t exposed to cigarettes until they’re well into their twenties. Seriously, nonsmokers, smoking isn’t illegal and it never will be. Get fucking over it. It’s not like Britney took a funnel, clamped it over Sean Preston’s face, and blew smoke into the nozzle. And as for the kid holding her lighter, she’s clearly taking it away from him. I’m sick of the fucking nonsmoking rhetoric, not because it’s wrong or untruthful, but because it has become so about morality and being holier-than-thou. All this really shows is that, no matter who you are, but especially if you’re Britney Spears, everyone in the world thinks they know exactly what you’re doing wrong with your kids. Get fucking over it, people.
2. Jennifer Hudson’s album cover may not accurately represent her weight? Certainly this is the first time a photo was ever doctored to sell something! Seriously, act a little fucking sophisticated and get fucking over it.
3. Wow, how about all the invective on the blogosphere about Rumer Willis. I understand that gossip bloggers have such an itchy trigger finger that it’s considered de rigueur to pick on celebrity kids, but just saying Rumer Willis is ugly isn’t really saying anything. I mean, what did she do to piss you off so much? Have famous parents? Rumer recently commented on this, saying: “There’s so much pressure to look a certain way, and I don’t fit the convention. But it’s okay if you’re not the perfect picture. Everyone can feel out of place, but it’s not about whether you’re popular or nerdy. As long as you’re comfortable with yourself, and your friends and family love you, that’s all that matters.” That, combined with her recent statement that she wants to have to work for an acting career instead of just having it handed to her like “the trust-fund babies in Hollywood,” sounds like a girl who’s really comfortable with herself. And that’s a hell of a lot more pretty than a girl who only worries about her appearance. Get fucking over it, gossip bloggers. She has.
4. Overrated (but undeniably hot) Megan Fox was named Sexiest Woman by FHM. She says “I’m not comfortable with it at all. It annoys me.” Wow, you’re right, being objectified is totally unfair, especially when you’ve been allowing yourself to be totally objectified in order to get famous for the last four years or so, boasting that your entire job in Transformers 2: Recharging the Magic Sparkplug is “too look as hot as possible,” bragging that you’re going to be kissing chicks in Jennifer’s Body, and telling the media that you want to do a movie where you’re nude the whole time. Yeah, it really sucks they way you’re just being objectified. Get fucking over it, Megan Fox. Get over yourself.
5. Sienna Miller also needs to get fucking over herself. Seriously, how many times in your life do you need to sue tabloids for taking pictures of your tits? The paparazzi aren’t exactly a recent phenomenon, you know it’s a job hazard of being semi-famous. If you don’t want people taking pictures of your tits, stop prancing around naked in public places. Seriously, if you were one of those panda specialists and got mauled by a panda while working on one of those breeding tests, and you sued the zoo holding the panda because the panda mauled you, the judge would tell you the same thing he should be telling you in this case: You knew the risks when you took the job, so get fucking over it.
6. Kris Kardashian actually suckered me in last week with all of her talk of responsible parenting, and then her misspelled daughter Khloe spent less than three hours in jail. Because, really, they’re rich and therefore better than us. So, the Kardashians need to get fucking over themselves and their perceived fame. But you know who also needs to get over this? The people who blogged about it all week on their celebrity gossip blogs. Seriously, aren’t there worse miscarriages of justice—like, say, stealing elections—that are a little more important than some rich bitch driving drunk and not doing her probation? Get fucking over it.
7. While I’m piling on the gossip bloggers today, they really need to just get over it in general. “Oh, Christ, I hate Kim Kardashian with a passion, and to prove it, I’m going to comment on her every move and say mean things about her, and then post 12 pictures of her in a bikini. Christ, I fucking hate her so much!” Seriously, at some point it crosses into self-loathing and unintentional self-parody. There’s being annoyed with a celeb and mentioning it once or twice, and then there’s reporting on every dinner they have and posting picture after picture on the conceit that you’re running some kind of news blog. It’s a joke, okay. Get fucking over it. (On the other hand, I subscribe to several gossip feeds, mostly because it’s the only place to find good magazine scans and photoshoots anymore, so I need to fucking get over it. I don’t have to subscribe to them, but I like hot chicks, so I do. But I admit it, so I have integrity. Or something self-serving. Moving on…)
8. Yes, media, The Dark Knight was a very entertaining movie, but seriously, now, you need to just get fucking over the damn thing. I thought Iron Man was better, anyway. And you know part of what made Iron Man great? There wasn’t an 18-month media assault culminating in kneepad-wearing kissy kissy reviews about how it was the greatest movie of all time which seemed practically written straight out of the press kit. You could actually walk into Iron Man with the optimistic hope that it would be good and not the weight of an insane amount of expectations, like it was any other movie. And the Dark Knight madness still isn't over, with the media marveling over how much money the movie made, and how people will actually go to a movie if it looks good and doesn’t totally suck, and how Heath Ledger is still dead and Christian Bale had a fight with his mom and sister. Hey, The Dark Knight was great, but could you get fucking over it and stop talking about it as though it heals the blind and the sick?
9. Also, fans need to get fucking over it. Fanboys are so dick-brained these days that they’ve actually become a parody of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Remember when that guy was a parody of fanboys? Now he looks tame and well-adjusted. Okay, the proper response to the Spirit trailer is “That looks terrible. I don’t want to see it.” Not Oh my God, Will Eisner’s corpse is being raped and how could anyone love this travesty?! The proper response (and I saw this on a number of actual critic’s sites, so this isn't an exaggeration) to a professional critic not liking The Dark Knight is “Well, we disagree.” Not I hope you get AIDS and die because you’re too stupid to live if you can’t recognize that it’s the greatest movie ever made! Especially not before the movie actually gets released. And if you want me to believe that movies like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and the Star Wars prequels insult your intelligence, you need to stop making movies like Transformers gigantic mega hits. Figure out what it is you want and get fucking over it.
10. The person who most needs to get fucking over it? John McCain. Look, I don’t care if this question is insensitive or not: seriously, how does getting shot down in Vietnam give McCain more experience at foreign policy? The guy doesn’t even know that there’s no Iraq-Pakistan border, or that Czechoslovakia hasn’t existed for 15 years, and he’s too cavalier to actually do what Obama is doing and going overseas to talk to people, assess the world situation, and see what we’re doing in Iraq. I mean, McCain kept challenging Obama to go overseas, then denigrated Obama for doing so. This is the same guy who said he wouldn’t pull troops out of Iraq even if an overwhelming majority of Iraqis wanted America to do so (because what the hell do they know about what’s good for their country, right?), much less an overwhelming majority of Americans. This man is so vain and pompous and so full of himself and a security in an ability to lead that just isn’t there. McCain, seriously, you’re not going to be president and we all know it. Get fucking over it.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Throwdown 7/25
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18 comments:
Best. Rant. Ever.
I especially loved #4 and 9.
You are my hero.
I sense a new catchphrase developing: GFOI! :)
On a serious note, we're in total agreement on item #1. I'm a non-smoker, but I've been troubled for years by the way we've basically invented a whole new underclass: the smoker. As you say, their habit isn't illegal, no matter how distasteful nonsmokers may find it, but it may as well be since they can't do it anywhere but in their own homes, and now the bluenoses are even beginning to hint around about forbidding that too, at least if there's a kid in the house. Seriously, here in my home state there was a proposed law to ticket people who are smoking in their cars if they've got a kid with them. And I thought it was ridiculous when they forbade it in bars... bars! Supposedly to protect the health of people who work in bars... but if you work in a bar, don't you have to expect that you'll be around smoking? As you say, GFOI!
As for Britney, I wish people would just lay the fuck off her. Yeah, she's a screw-up of colossal proportion, but she never really had a chance to be anything other than that now, did she? The poor girl needs to be left alone and given time to grow up and figure out who the hell she is and how to be a normal being. And if that involves being a human being who smokes, well, too bad. As you point out, she's obviously taking the smokes and lighter away from her child, which indicates to me there's at least a flicker of parenting skills developing in her.
I love all the Throwdowns you do, but man, I don't know how you keep on doing it.
I would be able to write one or two observations, but then I'd get distracted and start knocking a ball of yarn around. I just don't have the focus, I guess.
I am sort of proud that I've never used the term "Kardashian" on my blog.
And if someone disagrees with my high opinion about something, I always assume it is their loss. I mean, those dudes (and let's face it, it is almost always a dude) are defending their favorite movies with terminal intensity when what they should be saying is "Maybe you are right, but why don't you give [whatever] another try." Of course, if you say that Hawk the Slayer is rubbish or whatever their fixation is, they may just punch you in the face... so be careful.
As a smoker, I agree we have been denigrated to a lower class. Your diatribe (rant) couldn't have been better. I am so fukking over it - it is pathetic! LOL
I totally agree with 12345678910!
Especially #3
You rock!
Thanks for the pure giddy entertainment. I have dozens of baby pictures, cigarettes and all, of my oldest brother together with my mom that look like #1. For me, that picture induces a pleasant nostalgia.
I've wondered exactly how being held prisoner of war qualified McCain to be the Commander in Chief. True, it doesn't disqualify him, but how does it qualify him?
And lately, there's the theme that "McCain knows how to win a war." that I'm hearing parroted by apparent listeners to right wing radio.
He knows how to WIN a war? Which war?
Me personally I would want the guy who didn't get shot down as President.
I know I'm blessed. I've managed to be blissfully aware of all of your references, save for 8 and 10; I mean I know who Britney is, but I missed the smoking story. Lucky me.
Actually, I have to take you to task about the Britney Spears thing. Britney, being a crazy person, isn't technically responsible for this, but still, dumb people look up to her despite everything. And I live in a town of dumb people, accentuated by an astonishing amount of teenage mothers and parents who constantly smoke around their kids - so much so that not only do the kids around here cough and wheeze, but you step into an elementary school and any given kid reeks of cigarettes. People ought to be outraged by that shit out of principle.
Angry: Thank you.
Jason: I've talked about that before, too. There are some people who seem to want to make smoking illegal anywhere. Smoking was banned in public buildings and restaurants here in DeKalb, and it became an issue of restaurant owners not being told how they could run their businesses.
Britney smokes. I don't really see the big outrage on principle. My parents never smoked, but about 80% of my relatives always did.
Splotchy: Sometimes I just get really, really tired of doing it, though. I usually just jot something down during the week that bugged me and then it's all ready by Friday. If I did it all at once it would take forever and be too involved for me.
MC: Bonys points for a Hawk the Slayer reference. Oddly, I hear there are people out there rabidly defending The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, which is kind of weird.
TheMom: I keep hearing rumblings now about banning those people who smoke on the sidewalk outside of buildings.
D. Prince: Cool, thanks!
Flasputnik: My grandparents, all four of them, always smoked around us. So did most of my aunts and uncles. But it's not like they blew the smoke in our faces, is it?
DCup: Yeah, which war did McCain win, exactly?
On Smash: Zing! Very nice.
Roger: Um... sorry to waste your time, then?
John: I remain unmoved. I honestly have no outrage to spare over that.
It was more a Spaced reference from when Bilbo was firing Tim because he chewed out that kid over Jar Jar. ;)
Ah, thank you Youtube, here it is for everyone else who didn't see Spaced, and hasn't picked up the DVD's that came out this week.
In retrospect, I did a rather piss poor job of trying to shove that dialogue into my original comment.
Ah, how could I forget that great line? I think the one that sticks out more to me is "Jar Jar makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft."
That's okay, I did a piss poor job of spelling "bonus."
*starts a slow-motion imaginary gunfight*
I guess it could have been worse... I could have referred to that weird masturbation analogy from the end of the first season, and that would have been uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Totally agreed on all of them, but especially 3, 7 and 9. Top stuff.
Not a waste. I'm now informed about stuff. Don't care, but I'm a librarian so info is info.
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