A Teary-Eyed (But Manfully So) Movie List

Another movie list to comment on for no real reason: the Sports Blawger's Top 20 Movies That Make Men Cry. I've never been afraid to admit that I'm an over-emotional goon at the movies; I've cried in more films than I can remember by this point. But I know, the cliche is that men are supposed to suppress their emotions, and every so often there's a list of movies it's "okay" for men to show feeling at. Here's this guy's, with my comments, just for the sake of having something to comment on.

20. It's a Wonderful Life
Great movie. It really is. I haven't seen it in years, though; ever since the rights issues were settled and it's only shown once a year at Christmastime, I don't watch it anymore. Because they show it on NBC, which means so much advertising and reminiscing by low-tier celebrities is thrown in that it takes something like five hours just to air the damn movie. I should do what my dad did and get my own copy on DVD, and then watch it at my convenience every Christmas. I have a lot of Christmas staples, anyway, there's always room for more.

Anyway, It's a Wonderful Life has never made me cry. It's got one of the happiest of happy endings, but it's never edged into tears for me.

19. Schindler's List
Yes. At the end, when Oskar Schindler and his wife are ready to flee, and his eyes widen and he says "I could have done more." His breakdown there, that sure feeling that all he's done has not been enough, is beautifully tragic. It could so easily have descended into Klaus Kinski levels of egomania, but Schindler is so genuinely mournful that it works. It's a little unfortunate that Spielberg takes an earned outpouring of emotion and stamps on it, though, by including that cloying funeral business at the end. We get it, Schindler es bueno.

18. Frequency
I don't remember much about this movie, but I do remember that I liked Dennis Quaid in it (I love Quaid in science fiction) and that I didn't cry at the end. I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell happened at the end of the movie. How did shooting the guy in the arm in the past kill him in the future? I just don't get it, dammit.

17. Dead Poets Society
I hate this stupid movie. It's certainly too stupid to cry at the meaningless end of the film (Ethan Hawke and the others have already been forced to betray their teacher, and he's already been fired, so what is this protest meant to prove?). It's a stupid, stupid, stupid movie. (Read Jaquandor's classic post on the film.)

16. Forrest Gump
The most right-wing movie ever to be extremely popular with audiences. It's a cute movie, and there are parts I get swept up in, but it never made me cry. Also, as a man I kind of resent how wonderful it's supposed to be that Forrest keeps his love for Jenny alive throughout the film, even though she treats him like total shit, uses him whenever she needs to, and never told him he had a son until she was basically forced to by AIDS. The only reason his blind, pandering love for her is forgivable is that, like everything in this movie, it's not genuine humanity so much as an allegory about how America responds to itself.

15. The Natural
Not this one, either. The Natural is very pretty to look at, has a wonderful score, has a very pretty and talented cast, and is complete and total bullshit (especially compared to the original Bernard Malamud novel, which is excellent). I hate it when movies can't build up any dramatic tension because they're so busy having it all ways instead of making dramatic choices. The end of this movie needs to make a dramatic choice. If Robert Redford is so sick at the final game that his ruined stomach is bleeding bright red blood through his skin and onto his shirt, there's no way he makes the final homer and runs all four bases. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. He either misses because he's in unbearable pain, or he makes the homer and drops dead. But the movie, like so many American movies, decides it has to have it all and makes the leap into unbelievable bullshit. Lots of people love movies about Jesus as a baseball player, but I don't.

14. The Shawshank Redemption
I cry twice in this movie. First, when Brooks hangs himself. That the guy spent his whole life in prison and couldn't adjust to life on the outside... it's tragic. I cry again at the very end, when Red hopes he'll see his friend again, and the walk on the beach... The ending of this movie is so great and happy because it's totally earned. You have to go through so much pain and shit and frustration and hell just to get to it. It's earned.

13. Big Fish
More father and son cliche nonsense. Tim Burton has declined so much in the new century. There is a lot to like in this movie, actually, but it doesn't invest enough in itself emotionally to earn any tears at the end.

12. Seabiscuit
I never saw this movie and frankly can't imagine myself seeing it. It's by the folks who made Pleasantville, which I thought was awful.

11. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Of course, I cry in all three of these movies. There are emotional scenes throughout. This one gets tears from me in many places, but there are three big ones. The first is the death of Theoden, which is very peaceful and beautiful. The second is the scene where Gandalf tells Pippin what the next step of the journey (i.e. heaven) is like; Pippin says "That doesn't sound so bad" and Gandalf wistfully answers "No, it doesn't." That's a personal connotation for me, really; it makes me cry because it reminds me of my sister who died. I'm not even sure why, but it does. And finally, at the Grey Havens. It made me cry in the book and in the movie, every single damn time, and I think it's the most easily tear-inducing line I've heard or read: "I will not say do not cry, for not all tears are an evil."

10. The Passion of the Christ
I had heard all of the rumors of church groups buying up showings, so I figured if I went early enough, I'd avoid the large crowds. Becca and I were interested because Mel Gibson directed the film, and we loved Braveheart and I liked The Man Without a Face. We went on opening night, Wednesday in February. Didn't realize it was Ash Wednesday and the place was packed. Every seat taken. Did the film make me cry? I don't remember. There's not really much of an emotional current to the film at all, unless of course you're a Christian and you're adding your own feelings to it. It's like an audience participation film; if you're non-religious, like me, it's a brutal snuff film with no plot, no characters, no point, and no message beyond "Man, that guy can take a lot of pain!" If I did cry, it was out of sheer exhaustion with the cruelty on display (oddly enough, Pokemon: The First Movie had the same effect on me).

9. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Of course this film makes me cry every time I see it. First because E.T. dies (and Elliott says "I don't know how to feel"), second because he's alive, and third because he leaves Elliott at the end ("I'll be right here"). The hug at the end destroys me every time.

8. The Green Mile
The Green Mile was like Frank Darabont took The Shawshank Redemption and pumped it full of hot air. There's a lot to like, to be sure, but it's precious sometimes and asks too blatantly to be liked. I was sad when Black Retarded Jesus was killed at the end, of course, but I don't remember crying.

7. Saving Private Ryan
Also total bullshit. And the framing device, the bit that everyone says is the real tearjerker, doesn't make any sense to me. Private Ryan is sitting in the cemetery remembering two hours of movie he wasn't even around for? And that cloying crap at the end, that "Tell me I've lived a good life" crap is Spielberg going over-the-top for an emotional climax the movie doesn't deserve. There's a good movie in there somewhere, but unfortunately for Spielberg it's only about 100 minutes long at most, and he can't edit himself anymore. If that great Normandy sequence weren't in the film, I think most people wouldn't remember it as something Important.

6. The Pride of the Yankees
Never saw it.

5. Rudy
Gods of all that is, was, and will be, save me from this movie. Everybody's always got to bring up Rudy. For me, it's really about a stubborn kid who wants to follow his father's dreams no matter what, even though he's completely inept as a football player. Wow, big triumph. Did you earn daddy's love now? Who cares?!

4. Braveheart
I've seen women have two reactions to the ending. Either like Becca, they get very emotional and cry, or like my mom, they're too horrified by the torture to get swept up. It makes sense to me after seeing The Passion of the Christ that Mel Gibson said the original cut of that scene was so graphic that women were running out of the theater during test screenings, and that it was toned down substantially. What an ass. Anyway, I love this movie, and I do cry at the end, especially when Wallace is being tortured and you see Hamish and Stephen crying for him.

3. Brian's Song
Come on, of course. That's a sad, sad movie. And it was made for television, but it's a classic film. The key is that it doesn't ask too much. It doesn't overreach and try to get cute. It's just a very honest story about the friendship of two men. And it's beautiful.

2. Old Yeller
I remember this movie made me cry when I was a kid, but I don't think I've seen it since at least 5th grade. I don't know. I guess we'll find out if it still makes me cry when I get to Evaluating Disney: 1957.

1. Field of Dreams
Yeah, it makes me cry. The tears pretty much flow through the last fifteen minutes. The father-son stuff at the end is what kills me, of course ("Hey, Dad? Want to have a catch?"), but what really starts me is when Moonlight Graham makes his choice, becomes a doctor again, and saves the little girl's life. "Oh my God, you can't go back." That he made that choice... what a great movie (and one of the few American movies where magic realism works).

It's an okay list, I think. Not my list, but not a bad one. But like I said, I've lost count of the movies I've cried over. I think this list is sorely missing The Iron Giant, which makes me sob. And so did Philadelphia, much more than either of the Tom Hanks movies on this list. Or the final, final moment of About Schmidt, which destroys me emotionally (but in a good way).

The last movies that really made me teary at the end were Local Hero and The Trip to Bountiful. What made you cry?