Sunday, August 28, 2005

Applied McScience

So there's this woman, Merab Morgan, who is claiming that she lost 37 pounds in 90 days at McDonald's. I haven't decided whether or not I like this woman or what she's done. Apparently she wanted to prove Morgan Spurlock and his Super Size Me documentary wrong, which is a noble cause. I fucking hate Spurlock and his movie, which is not a documentary so much as a lecture from a skinny lightweight who can't even handle a little McDonald's meal without puking. It's a character piece, an actor's reel for Spurlock--"Look how sanctimonius I am, gimme my own TV show!" I don't know who this guy is, but I don't need him wagging his finger in my face and telling me I eat too much food.

Well, this Merab Morgan woman didn't like him either, and apparently felt that he was being unfair in blaming McDonald's for making people fat. And I agree with that, too. That fucking idiot who tried to sue them for making him fat--dude, did the burgers come to life and shove themselves in your mouth at night while you slept? No? Then you don't get to sue. And to be fair, Morgan Spurlock only gained 30 pounds, which is less than a pregnant woman. Fucking whiny, skinny, lightweight piece of shit excuse for a human being. Apparently a lot of people don't like Spurlock, either--another woman, Soso Whaley, has made a documentary called Me and Mickey D, in which she chronicles losing 36 or so pounds while eating McDonald's. I kind of which she'd called the film Fuck You and You FX Series, Morgan, or indeed No Shit, Spurlock. I mean, Jesus--did anyone really need a movie to prove to them that eating nothing but McDonald's will make you fat?

The obvious difference, of course, is that Whaley and Merab Morgan were picking and choosing, sticking in the salad category, eating lighter desserts, and not just chowing on the same meal every day as Spurlock did. Spurlock likes to stack the deck, ordering the way he does so he can smugly blame McDonald's for serving way too much food rather than taking any responsibility for himself. You don't have to finish all the food, do you?

I'm sure that McDonald's is out secretly pushing Morgan's story just to have some good publicity for once. And what they don't mention often enough is that Morgan is, in fact, a construction worker, which certainly helped her lose some weight (trust me, I was a lot less fat when I moved boxes on my feet all day instead of just sitting around and studying occasionally). But Morgan is ultimately right when she says of her weight loss that "the truth of the matter is that beauty is power, and if you're fat, or your overweight, then people don't really take you seriously."

Which explains why I'm such a prick right out of the gate. I have to cram my intellectual power down everyone's throat.

Now, if only McDonald's could just solve the "their food tastes like garbage" problem...