Saturday, May 14, 2005

Star Wars Ruminations: Advertising

How about all this advertising in conjunction with Episode III, huh? This is way more than was involved with Attack of the Clones, and somehow even higher than The Phantom Menace, even with 1999's epic commercials featuring the Colonel, the Taco Bell Chijuajua, and a Pizza Hut delivery girl that Tri-Con lost oh so much money on. But these commercials are even bigger, because they've got Chewbacca, Yoda, and Darth Vader.

How are fans out there feeling about these commercials, anyways? I always seem to know fans that are offended by seeing Vader strangle an M&M or show up at some guy's door for money or face off with the Burger King. They hate seeing Yoda vie with some dude over his Diet Pepsi. Of course, I remember way back, 20 years ago, when these same characters were shilling for not only their own toys, but cereals and Pepsi and other tie-ins. These days, you can't go four feet without Vader demanding that you eat Pop-Tarts or buy a cell phone.

My opinion: who cares? If you really like Star Wars, and you have a healthy balance between reality and fiction, you can separate yourself. Besides, some of those commercials are pretty cute and clever. And, after all, it's just Vader and Yoda. It's not like Vladimir and Estragon popping a Diet Coke open while they're waiting for Godot, or Tom Joad suddenly telling Ma that she should change her wireless plan. Come on, fans, it's not like you can really call these characters from gripping adult dramas that are undermined by their appearances in ads, anyway. It's all just one big, sometimes good kid's movie.

Yeah, I said it.

Friday, May 13, 2005

American TV: Room for Improvement

All of the various entertainment industries are feeling a decline that started several years ago and continues to slide. The movie companies blame pirates on the internet, who are apparently looting their films and distributing them around. Their answer to this, of course, was to sue everyone with a computer in a misguided attempt to guilt/force America into going to see their overpriced, low-quality crap and then not apologize when a study found that overwhelmingly most movie piracy was committed by people in the industry. Music sales are down, too, so of course the internet is blamed once again, and 12 year-olds are threatened with prison time and millions of dollars in fines (because, you know, not selling one copy of a shitty Ricky Martin album adds up to millions in lost revenues). And the TV studios are whining that their audiences are down, leading them to attempt to sue Nielsen Media Research rather than taking into account the idea that their shows might be crap no one wants to watch, and a huge segment of the audience is in Iraq right now.

What to say about this disturbing trend of blaming the audience for not wanting to shop at the market? How long before the networks start trying to force viewers to pay for particular programs instead of just cable or satellite? How long before they look at their own schedules and wonder if, just maybe, the programs themselves are the problem?

Let's just focus on the television for now. Does anybody out there have shows they watch religiously anymore? Or do people tend to watch things out of habit, or from that great quality control, just because there's nothing else on? You can admit it, we all do the same thing. Hell, I've seen the entire run of Dawson's Creek because there was nothing else on in the morning. I suspect that most people are watching shows out of habit. Example? The Simpsons. When I was in junior high and this show came on the air, it was the shit. It was the show that all hip people watched and loved and quoted relentlessly the next day.

Now I'm 28 and in college, and I find that the 18-22 year olds I attend classes with don't really give a shit about The Simpsons. They feel that it's a passe show for an older audience that doesn't get the jokes on other shows. And I can really understand it. I mean, have you seen The Simpsons lately? It pretty much sucks--they're running on autopilot these days, with the ratio of genius episodes to time-filling slush at about one episode in eight. Yeah, I still watch the show, but I realize a big part of that is because I've been watching it for the last 15 years and I really can't stop. But I am aware that the filler outnumbers the good stuff every year.

I don't have anything anymore that I watch just because I really like the show. Sure, on Friday nights I'm all about the WB, but that has more to do with my lust and respect for the talent of Amanda Bynes, my lust for Joanna Garcia, and my overwhelming, life-long lust for Fran Drescher than any kind of quality. And I love Malcolm in the Middle, but I just started watching that about 3 months or so ago.

All of the programs I love get cancelled. Futurama was, somehow, too smart for audiences (it didn't have the nuanced obviousness of, say, King of the Hill). Invader ZIM was cancelled, and now everyone loves it (thanks for being there to save it when it was on, guys). The Sci Fi Channel proved they have no devotion to original or interesting spec fiction when they cancelled Farscape, the greatest SF show in history. This season, The Office failed to find an audience and Arrested Development, my favorite show this past year, teeters on the brink of cancellation (probably for yet another Seth McFarlane show). And even HBO, who has been so good to me in the past (Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Larry Sanders Show are two of the greatest comedies ever), has cancelled Carnivale, apparently because they didn't say "cocksucker" enough times to fool everyone into thinking it was groundbreaking. Thanks a lot, HBO.

But what's the alternative? This season's hits are all exactly like other shows. Desperate Housewives is to Sex and the City as Grey's Anatomy is to ER back when it was good. Even Lost seems like a bigger-budget version of The Prisoner to me (I'm betting that the monster is Patrick McGoohan in a monkey suit--let me know, I don't actually watch it, but my mother won't shut up about it). And just what is the deal with ER, anyway? I had to stop watching it a couple of seasons ago because nothing made sense any longer. They really should have ended it when Mark Greene died, because the focus is all gone.

I think the real problem here is that there are too many shows on television that are exactly alike, and they all have too much pressure to produce a certain number of episodes per year. I'd like to propose that we end the TV season once and for all, and come up with something similar to the British model. Do something radical and cut the shows in half. Half the episodes equals twice the quality. Look at classic British series like Fawlty Towers: they did, what, six episodes a season, or something? Well, why not try that? Taking ER as an example, a lot of the people I talk to keep drifting away from it because NBC has such cavalier disregard for the audience that they show four episodes in a row, then suddenly six weeks of reruns, and by the time the new episodes come back on, they can't remember anything or they just don't care to. Why not take a show like that, make 12 episodes a year, and then just show them all in a row?

What are the advantages of this? Well, think of the creative output. Instead of stretching things out to perpetuate a season, the writing becomes tighter, more goal-driven. Filler episodes become a thing of the past--there's no time for those. And showing all of the episodes in a row makes it event-driven, like a miniseries. If the quality's there, people won't lose track of the plot because it'll all be on at once. You can rerun it again as an encore presentation, or you can show something else. Think of the turnaround. If you're showing a lot of miniseries in the 52 week calendar year, that's time for a lot of different programming. No one ever went wrong with presenting diverse programming. Homogeneity sucks.

It also gives the people involved in a program more time for other projects, which entices them to come back and be associated with something of quality that won't eat up their entire creative lives. It's win-win all around. And it keeps executives on their toes; they can't just sit back and go, "Well, that's one block of programming I won't have to mess with for a decade, because people will just watch ER out of habit." No, they won't. They don't care anymore. There's a big backlash coming, and the more great British programming that we get (like the original version of The Office) the more we're going to not want to watch the networks. I already don't watch a single program on NBC, ABC, or CBS, so they might want to think about changing the American programming model. Just because it worked for 40 years doesn't mean it's going to work forever.

Bai Ling


Apparently, this beautiful, soft image so completely terrifies George Lucas and adolescent boys that he's cut her entire role from Episode III. Because, you know, the last thing you'd want in an epic devoted to fascism, war, fear, and adolescent rage is a little sex appeal. Hey, didn't Lucas design that camisole-dress that Natalie Portman wore in Attack of the Clones? When is the man going to grow up, for crying out loud. Posted by Hello

Throwdown 5/13

15 random thoughts, questions, and observations for the week.

1. Jim Caviezel attended Pope John Paul II’s funeral. Isn’t that just the most precious story? I mean, because the pope devoted his life to Jesus, and Jim Caviezel once played Jesus? Isn’t that incredible? What do stories like that do for people? Imagine you’re at Dr. Suess’s funeral, and Mike Meyers feels he should be there because he once played the Cat in the Hat. Is it still cute? Or is it just obnoxious?

2. Insiders are saying that this year’s Cannes Film Festival will be "darker" and "more introspective" than it has been in previous years. Catch the world premiere of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith there this year, by the way.

3. How bad is the movie industry really doing? You know, if you take The Passion of the Christ out of the equation, it’s about the same as last year. Maybe Kingdom of Heaven just sucks. It’s never about the quality of the project, though, is it? No, it’s all about how the audience is letting down our golden gods of the cinema. Thanks for that, assholes. Am I the only one that's annoyed by Hollywood's constant attempts to guilt-trip us for not going to see their shit regardless of quality? How about making something worth spending the money to go see?

4. Don’t you love the way the media desperately want us to believe that Paula Abdul making fun of herself on Saturday Night Live was such a success and completely dispelled the controversy about her? Most bloggers, however, seem to agree that her appearance was stilted and pointless, and that she looked really nervous and upset. It was jarring, pointless, and incredibly uncomfortable, and if anything, it made her look much more rattled by all of this than she’s letting on. Sorry, Paula, I’m not buying it. I saw the cellphone records on Primetime Live. On the other hand, what if this has all been planned? There’s nothing real involved in a reality show like American Idol, and everything that happens around it is some sort of stunt, so I don’t really trust any of this. By the way, did you know Corey Clark has a new album coming out? I have no idea. Someone should give him a free hour of prime time to promote it...

5. Am I the only one depressed that Jennifer Garner’s pregnant? That means Affleck is spawning. Ugh.

6. Apparently even McDonald’s has no more faith in Disney: the house of Ronald is only willing to continue its deal for Happy Meals endorsements with Mickey if they have a choice of which Disney movies they can do tie-ins with. Apparently they’ve tired of making toys for every single Disney feature, and want instead to pick which ones to do (especially with Pixar still looking to bolt). Man, everyone’s kicking Disney around. Roy Disney and Stanley Gold have even filed a huge lawsuit against the company since Robert Iger was chosen as successor to Eisner (alleging that a proper candidate search was not undertaken). Guess Roy’s not going to be around for the 50th anniversary celebration in Disneyland this summer...

7. Speaking of Disney, it looks like Michael Eisner’s going to go out with Disney on top, pointing out the success of the TV shows Lost and Desperate Housewive--two programs Eisner didn’t support and didn’t want to put on the air--and The Incredibles--a movie made by Pixar with no real input from Disney. Yes, Mr. Eisner, as long as a CEO can keep taking credit for the work of other people they never believed in, we can all make our dreams come true.

8. I caught the preview for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and I’m really surprised at how exciting it looks. Seriously, I didn’t much care for those Narnia novels when I was a kid (okay, Aslan is God, I get it, now leave me alone), but this movie looks grand. Seriously, grand. I don’t know, I love this sudden wave of post–Harry Potter fantasy movies. In the days of The Lord of the Rings, it’s like living through that period of post–Star Wars B-movies we had in the early eighties. I really do like this; it gives me a reason to go to the movies.

9. Comcast Cable called last night. I was reluctant to answer my phone, because I know my payment is late. Listening to my messages, later, it turns out it was just a recorded message reminding me of the big title fight on HBO Pay-per-View tomorrow. Huh? Is this really what Comcast is being paid to bother people with? I have HBO and I don’t give a shit about boxing, so leave me alone. This is like buying a Stephen King novel, only to have King himself call you while you’re reading it, reminding you to buy his upcoming novel. Dude, you already have my money, so back off...

10. Boy, the ego is important. Not only am I finding myself linked to the blogs of people I don’t even know, but at school I saw someone looking on the site for Seele Brent Publications, which publishes a nifty quarterly journal called Studies in Fantasy Literature, on which I am an associate editor (and the first issue of which featured an essay by myself). That made me feel good all day long. Yeah, I’m a total whore for attention.

11. As if the world needed any more proof that Americans really are a pack of drooling morons who can be conquered just by distracting them with something big and shiny, they’ve erected a statue of Samantha Stevens in Salem, Massachusetts. Yes, Elizabeth Montgomery’s character from Bewitched (hey, isn’t the movie with Nicole Kidman coming out in a month--yes, and the show’s coming out on DVD, too--forget history, we can SYNERGIZE!). John Carr, formerly of the Salem Historic District Commission, says that it trivializes the 1692 Salem Witch Trials, and adds: "It’s like TV Land going to Auschwitz and proposing to erect a statue of Colonel Klink." Glad to see someone in Salem is thinking like a clear-headed human being. Do we really need a statue of a TV character at a historical site to remind people what witches are supposed to be? This may be the stupidest thing I’ve heard since the election results. Quick, somebody get me the rights to build a statue of Leo and Kate at the Titanic memorial. Apparently history means nothing without someone to fictionalize it.

12. Omigod, did you hear that Renee Zelwegger married some country guy? I know, I don’t care either! Is it just me, or do the media seem particularly hostile, as though they’re angry at not being alerted, not having pictures, and not being allowed to give their approval to the relationship prior to the wedding? The whole thing just makes me want to beat up some paparazzi.

13. Something called the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network is protesting a scene in Monster-in-Law for making light of people with food allergies. There is apparently an "insensitive and vindictive" scene where Jane Fonda serves Jennifer Lopez a gravy mixed with nuts (J. Lo being allergic to nuts), that this "organization" is saying "sets the stage for ‘copycat’ incidents were kids may think food allergies are just a funny subject matter." I know, it’s a real problem. Like that time when I was six and I hid an alien in my closet and it made me sick because of the alien’s low tolerance for gravity and we almost died, and all because I thought that E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was cool. And then, when I was seven, I stole a plane and tried to break the sound barrier because I really admired the portrayal of Chuck Yeager in The Right Stuff. And remember that international incident I cause around the same time, when I saw Gandhi and went to India to protest against the British, because I was too stupid to look up that the British had actually left India in 1947, twenty-nine years before I was born? Jesus, come on, people, let’s use a little common sense here. Anyone who copycats a scene from a movie is too stupid to live, anyway.

14. So, there’s a blogger out there who keeps putting up messages that say things like: "Here’s another for the who cares? file. Heidi Klum married Seal in Mexico last night. Whoopee." Dude, you’ve got the disaffected thing all wrong. If you don’t care about it, don’t bother publishing it. If you’re going to make fun of it, at least say something interesting. I know that, having a blog and all, you’re incredibly egotistical (I know, I am too) and you think your thoughts have some intrinsic interest in them. But if your blog is going to be all top ten lists of which celebrities you want to bang, cumming all over your new DVD player, and feigning disinterest in the celebrity stories you keep mentioning ad nauseam, could you please come up with some remotely interesting commentary to go with it?

15. Paris Hilton says she’s lonely because she doesn’t have any real friends: "You can’t really trust anyone, especially in LA." I know what she means. After making it through two seasons of The Simple Life, I can really tell how phony, uncaring, casually rude, cavalier, high-handed, monstrously selfish, and egotistical in inverse proportion to their mental capacity people from LA can be.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Playmate of the Year 2004

It's Playmate of the Year time again, and since I have a blog now, I thought I'd blog the damn thing. As (nearly) always, I don't agree with the lady chosen by Playboy readers, but, once again, I have a blog and can make my own rebuttal. So, here are my rankings of the 2004 Playmates. Not a great crop this year.

12. Nicole Whitehead, Miss May. I like her pretty blond hair and her big, round ass, but she comes across far to timorous in her photos. She has no self-confidence, and it sort of bleeds through the pages. Her pictures were sort of average, too.

11. Sandra Hubby, Miss March. She's a little too toned for me, although her pictures were brimming with confidence. One thing I love? Long nipples. But mostly she's not my type. Man, that sounds like a weak argument: not my type.

10. Aliya Wolf, Miss February. She's big, isn't she? I mean, she must be a handful to hold, which is something I love. She just has too much of a hard look for me to like. Yes, I mean her face.

9. Kimberly Holland, Miss October. She's cute and perky, and I love the way her rear end arches out, but there's something about her eyes that freaks me out. Kimberly looks so old; I don't mean that to say she's a hag, but there's something in her eyes that is almost deep and ancient that makes me uncomfortable. I know, it's weird.

8. Stephanie Glasson, Miss July. Beautiful tits, beautiful hair, a nearly perfect body, and a sexy face. But there's something about her that holds me back, too. She needs to be a little more personable, I think.

7. Cara Zavaleta, Miss November. She's a little too broad and muscular to make the pigtails work, but she looks cute as hell. She has tons of personality in her pictures, and just looks happy to be there. It's infectious.

6. Krista Kelly, Miss April. Her pictures were really, really good. She's multifacted, she can project, and she's got an expressive body.

5. Colleen Shannon, Miss January. Okay, she was just insanely hot.

4. Pilar Lastra, Miss August. Not too skinny, very warm and inviting, and very womanly. I love that lipstick she's got on, too. This was definitely a year for dark tans, but since she's Hispanic, it looks natural. And very, very sexy.

3. Tiffany Fallon, Miss December. This is the woman chosen by Playboy readers as the Playmate of the Year. She's hella beautiful, but it's not much of a surprise that readers managed to choose a white woman with dark hair. Maybe next year they'll choose a blond. Despite her being an obvious choice, though, she's gorgeous and sexy, and her layout is the stuff of classic Playmates. I don't want to make it sound like Tiffany doesn't deserve her win, because she really does. She just wasn't my choice. Otherwise, congratulations, Tiffany. We love you here at Electronic Cerebrectomy.

2. Scarlett Keegan, Miss September. As regular readers may know, teenaged, freckled, fair-skinned, slightly-built redheads are my siren and my kryptonite...and one day, probably my downfall. Scarlett, who is 19, is maybe a little more slightly-built than I would like (her hips are obscured here, but they're a little too angular), but she has a sort of Irish faerie look to her that always gets me. Wow, what a beauty. Plus she's a teenaged, freckled, fair-skinned, slightly-built redhead. And I totally want her.

1. Hiromi Oshima, Miss June. Isn't she gorgeous? Besides having a hot, hot body, she's also got a beautiful smile. And I think that's one of the things that always determines for me. If a woman has a beautiful smile, it makes me love her that much more. I hate to say that an Asian woman probably has no chance of being PMOY, but... My choice: Hiromi Oshima.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Masters of Animation: Ub Iwerks

The early history of Ubbe Ert Iwerks and Walter Elias Disney has been covered in a previous installment. How they met in Kansas City. How they went out of business together. How the ingenuity of Iwerks saved Disney’s Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoons, and how nearly all of the animators were hired away by Charles Mintz, who cut Disney out of the show. How Iwerks worked late nights single-handedly animating Plane Crazy in secret, and how Mickey Mouse quickly became a sensation.

Disney’s first cartoons were distributed by a man named Pat Powers. It was Powers who helped set Iwerks and the Disney brothers with the Cinephone, which allowed Steamboat Willie to feature synchronous sound (Powers himself had pirated the technology, "adapting" it from RCA). In those early days, Walt acknowledged that Ub was the real animation talent by paying Ub a higher salary than he paid himself. But it was Walt who became rich and famous. When Ub and Carl Stalling produced The Skeleton Dance, Walt was not enthusiastic about it. Friction grew between the two, and Ub began to feel like his place in Disney history was being covered up, that he was shut out of the spotlight to make it look like Walt had done everything himself. Pat Powers felt the same way and offered Ub his own studio and double the salary he was receiving now. Ub had loyally stood by Walt during the Mintz debacle, but this time Ub said yes and left Disney for Ub Iwerks Studios, under contract to Powers’s own Celebrity Pictures. It was 1930. Walt felt betrayed and set about erasing the contribution of Ub at the Disney Studios.
In 1928, when Ub and Walt set about trying to find a replacement character for Oswald, Ub had designed a frog before settling on Mickey Mouse. Pulling his drawing out of the drawer, Powers and Iwerks hoped Flip the Frog would be the new animation star. However, Ub’s first Flip cartoon, Fiddlesticks (1930) was vaguely unsatisfying, little more than a retread of the Silly Symphonies or the cartoons where Mickey played the piano and capered about (except, of course, with a frog). It’s incredibly well animated, just not very exciting. Interestingly, Flip (who opens the cartoon with the same dance Mickey performed in The Opry House) is accompanied on the piano by a mouse on the violin who looks a hell of a lot like Mickey (and probably pissed off Walt, which was the point). The mouse plays the violin and cries over the beauty of his own notes–a gag Mickey also performs in Fiddlin’ About, although they were released so close together it remains unclear who was being ripped off. What is much more interesting (and what makes this charming little cartoon a milestone) is that this is the first color cartoon, and the mouse is wearing red shorts. Mickey Mouse wouldn’t wear red shorts until his first color cartoon, The Band Concert, five years later.

Take a look at Fiddlesticks here.


Ub Iwerks had managed to beat Disney to color. He knew that Walt had signed an exclusive two-year deal with Technicolor for their 3-strip process, so Ub simply used the 2-strip Technicolor. The pallette was limited, especially heavy on reds and greens, but it was still functional and rather pleasant. But Powers tried to sell the film to MGM, who was thinking of a distribution deal (everyone was getting into animation in 1930), liked the color but balked at the price for what they thought was a rather ordinary cartoon. The second Flip short, Puddle Pranks (1930), was similarly underwhelming (and color had been abandoned because of the cost). Powers felt that they were put off by the frog, and pushed Ub to redesign Flip so that he looked more human. Round was a shape that audiences responded to, so Flip ended up looking more like Mickey Mouse. By his third film, The Village Barber (1930), Flip was more human (and he would become much more so), and MGM picked up the series.
Ub was able to hire a staff that included many animation luminaries. Future Warner Brothers story man Bugs Hardaway (whom Bugs Bunny is named after) and former Fleischer animator Rudy Zamora came first, followed quickly by others. The biggest coup for Powers was enticing Grim Natwick (the designer of Betty Boop) away from Fleischer Studios. Natwick was one of the biggest and most respected animators in the business–so much so that Roy Disney had tried to hire him as a replacement for Ub. Natwick was followed by other Fleischer animators, including Al Eugster, Jimmie (later Shamus) Culhane, and Berny Wolf. Iwerks employed the four top Betty Boop animators. Ub was also joined by Carl Stalling, whom he had begun the Silly Symphonies series with at Disney, and who left the Van Bueren Studios to join his old pal. Among the other animators and storymen who worked at Ub Iwerks Studios were Norm Blackburn, Frank Tashlin (formerly of Van Bueren, later the director of several Jerry Lewis comedies), Steve Bosustow (later the founder of UPA, producer of the Mr. Magoo and Gerald McBoing Boing cartoons), legendary sound engineer Glen Glenn, future Warner storymen Cal Howard and Earl Duvall, and future Disney storymen Ted Sears and Otto Englander. Chuck Jones started in animation washing cels for Iwerks (he was later fired). Mary Blair (subject of a wonderful new book by John Canemaker, The Art and Flair of Mary Blair) also began at Iwerks, and would go on to design for Disney, including the little characters for the It’s a Small World ride.

Ub was a technical innovator, and MGM fed that hunger for invention by giving him a lot of capital; MGM spent more for their animation at that time than any other studio except for Disney. What set Ub’s cartoons apart were his adult touches and his technical flourishes. In The Cuckoo Murder Case (1931), a Philo Vance parody starring Flip the Frog, his vanishing point effects nearly outdo all of the ones he did for Disney. Flip also has a run in with the Angel of Death reminiscent of the one Mickey Mouse had in The Haunted House (1929). In Room Runners (1932), there is nudity and cheesecake to spare, making use of the Boop animators now working at the studio. The Office Boy (1932) is basically about how many times a secretary’s butt can be used for humor value. In Chinaman’s Chance (1932), one of many overly-racial-caricatured cartoons from the studio, Flip gets high on opium and the film produces a sort of liquid effect as Flip gets stoned.

Though the films were lavishly animated and very stylish, audiences never fully warmed to Flip the Frog. Though Ub’s abrupt departure had dealt Disney a blow in quality, by the end of 1930 they had recovered and were providing high competition for Iwerks. The Flip the Frog series was producing a steady though small profit for MGM, but they were starting to wonder why they really needed animation if the returns were going to be so small. The series ended in 1933 with Soda Squirt.

Ub needed something more story-oriented rather than gag-oriented, and came up with a new star: Willie Whopper. Grim Natwick designed Willie, a boy with a tendency to tell Munchausen-esque tall tales about his various, imagined achievement. The first short, The Air Race (1933), was the best in the series, with Willie winning an airplane race. It played on Iwerks’s predilection for mechanical jokes, and when watching it one can tell that he was really enjoying himself. In another moment of adult humor, St. Peter (whose cloud is buzzed by a plane) gives one pilot the finger. Ub didn’t believe in self-censoring the way Walt came to. Curiously, The Air Race was not released until 1936, and then under the title Spite Flight. Powers didn’t care much for Willie, and felt he needed to be fat to be sympathetic. By the third short, the truly disturbing space comedy Stratos-Fear (1933), Willie was round.
Iwerks wasn’t quite satisfied with the Willie Whopper series, either, and decided to run a new series at the same time which he called ComiColor Cartoons. It would not be beholden to a character, but free-form and experimental, like the Silly Symphonies. He went to Cinecolor (Walt had extended his exclusive deal with Technicolor), which had a limited 2-strip process, but he tailored the cartoons to use the strengths of orange, brown, red, and green, which appeared the most vibrant. Cinecolor was also used for Willie Whopper, beginning with the bizarre Hell’s Fire (1934). The ComiColor Classics are the best cartoons from the Ub Iwerks Studios; they often began with an ornate storybook opening up–something Disney would "borrow" for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The series began with the Grim Natwick-directed Jack and the Beanstalk (1933), one of the best. This was quickly followed by The Little Red Hen (1933); for the cartoon, Jimmie Culhane and Al Eugster interviewed a radio performer named Clarence Nash for the role of a duck. They loved him, but couldn’t hire him without Ub’s approval, and Ub was out of the office that day. Nash, emboldened by his terrific audition, interviewed at Disney and was hired on the spot to be the voice of a duck in a similar Silly Symphony called The Wise Little Hen. Nash would stay at Disney, becoming the voice of Donald Duck for nearly 50 years.

Jack and the Beanstalk.

The ComiColor Classics were generally wonderful cartoons, though Iwerks and his animators were prone to racial and gay stereotypes. The best of these are the charming The Brementown Musicians (1935), The Brave Tin Soldier (1934), The Valiant Tailor (1935), Puss in Boots (1934), the gorgeous Jack Frost (1935), and the bizarrely surreal Balloon Land (1935). Summertime (1935), with its centaurs and flower ballet and a beautiful sequence where trees turn into the silhouettes of nude women and dance, seems to have inspired a lot of scenes in Disney’s Fantasia (1940). For The Headless Horseman (1935), Ub developed a multiplane camera to make background layering possible, giving the cartoons more depth. He built it from parts out of an old Chevy he’d paid $350 for. His head was much more in technical problems than it was in animation, and more and more he deferred to Natwick. Iwerks was not interested in story or character as much as he was in innovation.

The Brave Tin Soldier.

MGM was no longer impressed with Iwerks, and decided to dump him for their own in-house animation division, from which Hugh Harman and Rudy Ising would direct the Happy Harmonies series. Ub was forced to shut down the studio, but with Grim Natwick and a few others he launched Cartoon Films Limited. Natwick directed commercial films, including See How They Won (1936) before leaving for Disney, and Iwerks was subcontracted by Leon Schlesinger to direct two Looney Tunes cartoons–Porky and Gabby (1937) and Porky’s Super Service (1937). Iwerks apparently despised Porky Pig as a character, and Chuck Jones and Bob Clampett were brought in to complete both cartoons. Iwerks drifted around some more, even working for Charles Mintz at Columbia on four cartoons in the Color Rhapsodies series in 1940 (he left after only four because Columbia’s animation studio was widely regarded as a sweat shop). In Great Britain, Iwerks directed three cartoons featuring Gran’Pop Monkey, a character created by illustrator Lawson Wood. Taking a teaching position in America at the Ray Patin Animation Training School (Patin was a former Iwerks animator), Iwerks felt like his time was over and he should get out of the business altogether.

Many of Iwerks’s contemporaries thought he was being wasted as a teacher; Hugh Harman called Roy Disney and asked what the general mood was. Roy harbored no ill will towards Ub, and said that he would be interested in having Ub come back. Ub called Ben Sharpsteen and was hired to head the burgeoning technical department in 1940. He began to do effects animation, playing with the multiplane camera Disney had developed in 1937 (at a cost of $70,000), and combining real water with animation for the rainstorm in Bambi (1942). During the war, when Disney was making cartoons for the government, Iwerks directed animated training films such as Stop That Tank: The BOYS Anti-Tank Rifle (1942) and Victory Through Air Power (1943), a film which not only utilized Ub’s extensive knowledge of every type of aircraft, but supposedly influenced President Roosevelt’s handling of the air support of D-Day.

Iwerks loved doing technical tasks and creating new animation technology much more than he had loved animating. He worked all over the place, troubleshooting, inventing, and generally fixing problems. For Saludos Amigos (1944), he refined the method to combine animated characters with live action that he had used on the old Alice Comedies. As the head of the Disney Optical Printing Department, he perfected his methods by creating a new optical printer for The Three Caballeros (1945). He redesigned the 3-strip color system for Disney and improved the saturation and contrast range so much that engineers for Kodak asked to see his designs. His services were so invaluable to the company that in a company manual of the time, Ub is praised as someone whose "ingenuity can usually contrive to get an effect or shoot material that stumps the more staid, conventional camera crane."

Besides doing animation effects for Melody Time (1948) and Cinderella (1950), Ub also did the following:
* invented the Wet Gate process which allowed 16mm film used for the True Life Adventures series to be blown up to 35mm without scratching it.
* developed a color separation system that controlled balance, density, and contrast so that shots filmed at separate times would blend together.
* created Oscar-winning effects for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954), one of Disney's biggest hits (and, interestingly, directed by Max Fleischer's son Richard).
* created the 360 degree film process for Disneyland called Circarama, then later enhanced through the use of mirrors to become the seamless Circlevision.
* helped Disney develop an in-house 3D system for two shorts.
* patented the Xerographic Fusing Apparatus and the Xerographic Developing Apparatus to allow animation to be copied onto other cels, enhancing the linear backgrounds of 101 Dalmatians (1961).
* created a nodal point perspective camera that allowed forced-perspective shots for Darby O’Gill and the Little People (1959) (a process still being used in films like The Lord of the Rings).
* created a sodium vapor process that allowed Hayley Mills to appear as twins in The Parent Trap (1961).
* developed a switching system for editing machines that allowed The Mickey Mouse Club to be edited quickly.
* developed a traveling-matte process that allowed animated characters to move from the background to the foreground in live action settings for realistic interaction, thereby making one of the most popular sequences of Mary Poppins (1965) possible.* created special lighting effects and a projection effect that made the Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln attraction so realistic, leading to the Hall of Presidents and effects for The Haunted Mansion attraction.
* designed electronic effects for The Pirates of the Caribbean, creating a circuit that mimicked the flickering of fires.
* developed cheaper, more resilient 35mm projectors that are still used in Disney parks.
* created an optical prism for the effects in The Love Bug.
* worked on special effects for Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds–Hitch himself demanded that Iwerks and no one else create the effects for his film.

Ub and Walt came to be friends again, redeveloping a real respect and admiration for one another. Ub even conceded that Mickey would have been nothing without Walt’s storytelling and marketing skills. When Walt died of lung cancer shortly before Christmas 1966, Ub remarked: "That’s the end of an era." After that, he didn’t feel the drive to please and impress that he had with Walt. They truly needed one another. Ub never retired, but slowed down, dying of a heart attack in 1971 at the age of 70. In 1989, the Walt Disney Company officially acknowledged that Ub Iwerks was the true designer of Mickey Mouse, and awarded him the first Disney Legends Award. Today, his non-Disney work is considered a side note to his career. But his legacy lives on as one of the most important animators who ever worked.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Film Week

A review of the films I've seen this past week.

HOUSEBOAT (1958)
I watched this film early one morning just to indulge my lust for Sophia Loren. I will see any movie with Sophia Loren in it, and this one turned out to be pretty cute. It's one of those widower movies, with the always-effortlessly-wonderful Cary Grant as an absentee father who wants to raise his kids after their mother dies. Loren is the daughter of a touring conductor from Italy who hates being under his thumb. Anyway, through a series of convolutions, she ends up as the children's nanny and they all end up living on a rickety houseboat. Will Sophia and Cary fall in love? If you can't figure that out, you must not have ever seen a movie before. But it's cute, and has some surprisingly nice moments (such as a sweet conversation between Cary Grant and his oldest son about the resilience of matter and the nature of death). A pleasant movie at five in the morning. *** stars.

LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (2004)
I loved the way this film looked, with production design by frequent Tim Burton collaborator Rick Heinrichs. The story was imaginitive (I've never read the novels), sweet-natured, and surprisingly gripping--three orphaned children are shipped around from distant relative to distant relative when their parents are killed in a suspicious fire. There's a plot about a fortune and some kind of investigation and a secret society that never completely adds up to anything, but the real joy here was the design, the nature of the story itself, and the strange characters. My favorite performance in the film was Billy Connolly's as a sweet herpetologist. Meryl Streep was good, and it's always nice to see Timothy Spall. This is the kind of movie so confident in its style that it can give actors as talented as Luis Guzman, Jennifer Coolidge, and Craig Ferguson roles so small that they barely even speak. And the much-maligned Jim Carrey...I thought he was excellent. He went over-the-top, but the whole movie is pitched so tongue-in-cheek and so outside of normality that it was very appropriate to the movie--in fact, the movie even jokes about Count Olaf's over-the-top nature. In something that has to be a very funny commentary in itself, he plays a failed actor that the children can always see through. One character, the assistant herpetologist, was a character I'd never seen him play before, somehow making it without Carrey's usual tics and standby gimmicks. Even though the plot was not a complete success, the style and wit and all-around adorability of the movie makes it easy for me to give this one **** stars.

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS (2004)
I never used to like Zhang Yimou. I thought Raise the Red Lantern and Ju Dou were ponderous, self-important attempts to recreate the feeling of movies like In the Realm of the Senses. Plus, Gong Li is a very boring actress. Yimou's sudden forays into the world of martial arts, however, have turned out to be very exciting. I loved Hero, and this one is just as good, not least of which because Zhang Ziyi has a much larger part in this one. She's the best actress I've ever seen come out of China (apologies to Maggie Cheung, whom I adore), and she gives this film so much depth, such epic power with a simple performance that is both effortlessly balletic and coolly studied. An amazing film. **** stars.

ELEKTRA (2005)
Oh, how I wish I'd seen the fake martial arts movie before I watched something as bold and wonderful as House of Flying Daggers. A terrible, boring waste of time. Worse than that, it completely wastes the potential of Jennifer Garner, who was much better in 13 Going On 30. I can't really remember anything that happened, because my body forcibly stopped paying attention in order to save my mind (much the same way it does during funerals and Black Eyed Peas videos). As lame and boring as Daredevil was ridiculous and stupid. * star.

ANDREW LLOYD WEBER'S THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (2004)
Oh, where to begin? Let's start with the director, Joel Schumacher, who bears most of the blame for taking a musical that, though wildly over-the-top, can be exciting in key places and making it a boring snore-fest. Rather than staging any scene imaginitively, he simply has his actors pace and stare at each other. I found the "Masquerade" sequence especially dismaying, because I imagined it (I've never seen the stage version) as big and wild, and Schumacher only puts about 20 people in the frame, skimping about. The sets look alright, although at least five were ripped whole cloth from the masterful Jean Cocteau film Beauty and the Beast. The actors? Ouch. Starting from the top, then, one of the biggest problems here is Emmy Rossum: she simply cannot act, sing, or perform. Her voice is small and ordinary, and she has real problems hitting the high notes. She cannot keep up with the music, and when acting, she cannot keep up with her own lip-synching (there are few in this movie who can). She is not pretty (despite the many attempts to put her in cleavage-popping outfits), and she vacillates between two facial expressions: deer in headlights, and confused. She's a lot like Julia Roberts, who always looks to me like she's irritated and can't be bothered to actually act (looking pretty should just be enough, apparently, except she fails at that, too). Emmy Rossum should hold the film together, since the whole story is predicated on the notion that everyone finds Christine Daae beautiful and wonderful and amazingly talented, but she's never the focus of any of her scenes because she can't really hold the attention of a viewer. It's like someone took Anne Hathaway--who would have been a much better choice--and bludgeoned out all her personality and charm. Of course, it's all for shit without a magnetic Phantom, and that's another thing this movie doesn't have. Gerard Butler just mopes around the screen with no character, no motivation, and a really cheap makeup job that makes it hard to focus on his eyes (a whole mask, instead of a half-mask, would have been better). He's flat and tuneless and off-key as only a Scotsman can be, but at least he has passion and character in his voice. Sometimes, he sounds Hungarian for some reason. He tries a little too hard and doesn't succeed remotely. Patrick Wilson, as Raoul, fares better, if only because he has less screen time and manages to play his role seriously without being self-important. Miranda Richardson is wasted--and for some reason, the only actor playing a French character who uses a French accent. Simon Callow and Ciaran Hinds are pretty funny as Andre and Firmin, and can at least keep up with the music. Jennifer Ellison has a small role that is distracting, just because I kept thinking what a better Christine she would have made than Emmy Rossum does. That leaves everything to Minnie Driver, whose singing voice is unfortunately dubbed, but who steals the entire movie in a hilariously pitched performance as the Diva. She's very funny and steals the focus of every scene she's in. She's the only person in this entire enterprise (including Lloyd Weber, Schumacher, and all the technical crew, Ellison and Richardson excepted) who isn't being pompous enough to treat this little stage musical as though it were Shakespeare, and if they didn't handle it carefully they might drop it and it might break. Basically, it's a rock opera anyways, and should have been re-orchestrated in a Jim Steinman does a Meat Loaf album kind of style. A magnificent opportunity to redefine the movie musical totally wasted for tedium and gasbaggery. 1/2 star.

NATIONAL TREASURE (2004)
It's kind of cute, but extremely silly, and it suffers from the problem all modern action movies suffer from: it's too damn long. It lags for the first hour, but the second hour picks up somewhat, and it all ends up being kind of fun, but unsatisfying. No one really acts well in it, but at least Diane Kruger is prettier and fresher than she was in the endlessly dull Troy. Still, it makes about as much sense as an episode of Batman and has similar production values. **1/2 stars.

THE CAT RETURNS (2002)
This is one of the recent Studio Ghibli releases that's been put out on DVD by Disney; in fact, it's the first one not directed by Hayao Miyazaki. It's a wonderful, imaginitive film. You never see this kind of imagination in American animation anymore. A young girl (voiced in the English version by none other than Anne Hathaway) saves a cat from a truck, and he turns out to be a prince. She is visited at night by a procession of the King of the Cat Kingdom, and told she will marry the prince. The girl seeks the help of the Baron, a cat figurine who has come to life, and along with Muta, a very fat, acerbic cat, they attempt to escape the Cat Kingdom before she turns into a feline herself. I can't quite put into words just how much I loved this movie; it's easily as good as Miyazaki himself. **** stars.

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (2005)
I went to see this a second time, this time with my mother, and I loved it even more than I did the first time. It's oddly affirming in some way, and very whimsical, a bit more like a Doctor Who episode than a Monty Python movie, which many critics compared it to unfavorably. A great, great movie. **** stars.

Monday, May 09, 2005


Jessica Simpson in "The Dukes of Hazzard." Oh, my God, I cannot wait to see this movie the first of the inevitable eight times I'll end up going. Jessica, the amount of control you have over my life... Posted by Hello


This is Mark Rosman's idea of a dark Hilary Duff movie? Anyone want to bet whether it's a classic Motown song playing while they dance? What, no hairbrushes to sing into? Oh, Hil, you have to move on from this... Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 08, 2005


A picture too cute not to post on Mother's Day. Posted by Hello

Sunday Hottie 14


ANNE HATHAWAY Posted by Hello