The Health Report, Year 2: Week 22

I've got nothing to report, really. I'm steady on, enjoying the relaxation and time to write and watch movies and read. I overdid it last week with the food because it was my birthday last week, and now I'm back on track. Walking and doing light exercise and making my own food and not drinking sodas and getting some decent sleep.

There's not a whole lot else to report, really. I'm just looking forward to getting back to work at the end of August and maybe getting to see Hellboy II this week finally.

So, well... here's a cute picture. I'm in a good mood. Good as they generally get for me, anyway.

Evaluating Disney: 1954

1954 was a year of growth for Walt Disney in every area except for animation. The animated shorts continued to be scaled back; only nine would be released this year, with two features in active production; originally, Walt had planned to have Lady and the Tramp in theaters this year, with Sleeping Beauty following in 1955. Both films were delayed by things that took up Walt's time and attention: the theme park, the new television series, the documentaries (with the True-Life Adventures now viable as features instead of shorts) and an increased production of live action films (for the first time, two such films would be released this year). In fact, not only were the True-Life Adventures viable (The Living Desert and Bear Country both won Oscars this year), but so was the new documentary short series, People & Places (The African Eskimo also won an Oscar). Walt was as busy as he could be, but the animated shorts were paying the price, both in quality and in quantity.

1/15: Spare the Rod
Donald Duck. Huey, Dewey, and Louie are playing in the backyard and won't help Donald chop firewood. One of those guardian angels appears on Donald's shoulder and claims to be the voice of child psychology, telling Donald he should make a game of it and play along. Meanwhile, three heavily caricatured African pygmy cannibals appear and try to boil Donald, who mistakenly believes they're his nephews. Because of the caricaturing of the pygmies (which either purposely or accidentally recalls the cannibals in the 1930 Disney short Cannibal Capers), this cartoon was severely edited from six minutes to about two-and-a-half. I actually thought the pygmies were funny and that Donald's predicament was typically humorous, but it's undeniably somewhat offensive. I also find it interesting that Jack Hannah and his team are kind of poking holes in the idea of child psychology, and it makes sense generationally; they probably got corporal punishment when they were kids, and they turned out fine. I think the most important question raised by this short is: Why would cannibals want to eat a duck?

2/4: ROB ROY, THE HIGHLAND ROGUE
Walt spent another summer abroad, overseeing the shooting of another adventure film. Once again, Richard Todd was the star, and Glynis Johns, James Robertson Justice, Michael Gough, and screenwriter Lawrence E. Watkin came back onboard. The only holdout was Ken Annakin, who had directed The Story of Robin Hood and The Sword and the Rose to success, and that was through no fault of his own: Rank wouldn't let him out of his contract a third time, so Disney went with a new director, Harold French. Rob Roy is less action-packed than the previous two films, but is still romantic and concerned with the ideals of fairness and justice. This one gets more scorn heaped on it than the previous two films, and it's probably a bit of a potboiler, but I found it very enjoyable. The film was still received with the sort of lukewarm critical reviews Disney's other live action films were greeted with, and for whatever reason, Walt suspended his English operations after the film was finished, not shooting in England again. Richard Todd, a stalwart adventure star if there ever was one, appeared in no further Disney films. The poor guy also injured himself leading a charge in the film when he stepped into a rabbit hole.

3/5: Donald's Diary
Donald Duck. Disney wasn't exactly reinventing racial politics, and it didn't do any favors for gender politics, either. In this short (possibly narrated by Ronald Colman--I've only seen this told once, but no one else has an identity for the very familiar narrator), Donald meets and marries Daisy, who has become a caricature of the husband-nabbing woman who will make the most horrible wife in the world. Donald dreams about a future where Daisy lusts for jewelry, stops wearing makeup, and lets her family eat the Duck out of house and home. In the end, he runs screaming. If any of this were funny, that would be one thing, but the whole short is predicated on the idea that marriage is awful and women are schemers.

3/12: Stormy, the Thoroughbred with an Inferiority Complex
This is a live action short that, I have to admit, I've only seen bits of over the years and can't find anywhere to watch.

4/7: The Lone Chipmunks
Chip 'n' Dale. Pegleg Pete returns as an outlaw who has robbed a Western bank and hides his loot in a tree. By doing so, he dislodges all of the nuts Chip 'n' Dale have saved, and the two get revenge--and, they hope, a $10,000 reward. It's pretty funny, but pales in comparison to some previous and truly brilliant shorts with Chip 'n' Dale. The quality has really lessened these days, and a lot of the jokes seem tired. Although this does have one of my favorite moments for Dale; when Pete picks him up, thinking he's a gun, Dale gets squeezed and shouts "Bang! Bang!" This is the last cartoon in the Chip 'n' Dale series.

5/21: Pigs Is Pigs
Special cartoon. This is a verse adaptation of Ellis Parker Butler's story "Pigs Is Pigs," in which a rule-abiding train station agent named Flannery won't release guinea pigs to someone who has ordered them unless they pay the livestock rate, not the pet rate, because "Pigs is pigs, not pets." While Flannery is waiting for the home office to settle the matter, the guinea pigs breed prodigiously and overrun the station. Bill Thompson is the voice of Flannery, and one of the singers is Thurl Ravenscroft. This short, directed by Jack Kinney and animated in the sort of limited (but clever) UPA style, is everything Disney animation could have been in 1954 and sadly wasn't. It's clever, hilarious, satirical (especially the jabs at how indecisive and needlessly bureaucratic corporations can be), and fast-paced. This is a perfect short.

6/18: Casey Bats Again
Special cartoon. For some reason, it was decided that the Make Mine Music segment Casey at the Bat needed a sequel (though not narrated by Jerry Colonna this time). The verse leaves a little to be desired. Casey gets married and has children, and though he wants a son, he only ever has nine girls. But when someone points out that's enough for a baseball team, he becomes their proud manager. The animation is sparse, here; it's the full Disney treatment, but with sparse backgrounds and as few characters as possible, so we don't see much of the big game. Instead, we spend too much time with Casey who frets that his girls won't win, and so takes to the field in drag for himself. As far as I can tell, this is the last film that features animation by Fred Moore, who tragically died while Peter Pan was in production; it's nice that he was at least able to go out with a whole baseball team of his famous "Freddie Moore girls."

7/16: Dragon Around
Donald Duck. Dale, reading about knighthood and dragonslaying, thinks his tree is being attacked by a dragon. It's actually Donald in a steamshovel, and he needs to tear their tree down for a freeway. He's amused when Chip 'n' Dale start attacking the "dragon" and, this being Donald, takes the opportunity to screw with them. Of course, the chipmunks decide it's time for revenge. There are some really good gags in this one, my favorite being a moment when Chip 'n' Dale knock one of the teeth out of the steamshovel, and Donald screws a gold replacement back in.

8/13: Grin and Bear It
Donald Duck. The animators knew they'd hit on a potentially great character in Humphrey the Bear, and brought him back for another round with Donald. Humphrey is a great character who didn't get used often enough, having the misfortune to be introduced when the shorts program was reaching its end. This cartoon is also the debut of a fun character, Ranger J. Audobon Woodlore, voiced by Bill Thompson and very fussy. In this short, Donald visits a state park where the bears are all joyfully mingling with the visitors. Humphrey, apparently afraid (and with some reason!) that he'll wind up a rug if he doesn't make a good impression, tries to insert himself into Donald's picnic, but Donald's not interested. Humphrey panics easily, and it's actually very funny instead of frustrating. The backgrounds are spare in a neat way, real designy; the whole thing reminds me of a Mr. Magoo cartoon. What a waste all of those shorts with the far less interesting Louie the Mountain Lion were, when there was Humphrey all along.

8/17: THE VANISHING PRAIRIE
This second True-Life Adventures feature film is much better than The Living Desert. Where Desert had come under critical fire for imposing human viewpoints on animals, anthropomorphizing the processes of nature, and truly stupid bits like the "scorpion square dance," Prairie lessened those excesses considerably. There's still some there, especially early in the film (and the end, which has rams butting one another to "The Anvil Chorus"), but there's a lot less of it, and The Vanishing Prairie is much easier to take seriously. Walt had been so pleased with the footage he was getting for The Living Desert that, before that film was even completely edited, he sent photographers into the American prairie to bring back film of prairie dogs, buffalo, burrow owls, mountain lions, and a number of other animals threatened with extinction. Indeed, the whole tone, which is refreshingly straightforward, takes on a melancholy tinge occasionally, lamenting that this scene of nature may disappear very soon if not preserved. The photography is amazing; there was a glass case built for the prairie dogs in order that cameras could film inside the tunnels, taking audiences one place they had definitely never gone before. When the film was to be released, the censorship board in New York banned a sequence which featured a buffalo giving birth, which they felt was inappropriate; Walt answered back with "The birth scene would never have appeared on the screen if I believed it might offend an audience. It would be a shame if New York children had to believe the stork bring buffaloes, too." The ACLU complained about the censoring of the scene, and the board relented (the film critic of The New Yorker observed of the scene, "I survived it, and so will you."). This is a big leap over The Living Desert, and Walt planned more True-Life Adventures features for the future.

10/15: Social Lion
Special cartoon. A lion is brought from Africa and escapes, and no one pays any attention to him until he tries to pretend he's a man. And that's it, really. A couple of good sight gags, but it feels cheap and is uninteresting. The lion is the same model used for Lambert the Sheepish Lion, even down to one scene of the lion calling for his mama.

11/12: The Flying Squirrel
Donald Duck. Another typical short: Donald screws with a cute animal who gets revenge. This time, Donald is a park peanut vendor and he reneges on his deal to give a peanut to a flying squirrel who helps him tie up his sign. There are some really clever gags, though, especially with the squirrel mimicking a bomber plane while Donald fires popcorn out of a cannon. The squirrel itself is really cute; I wonder if there was any thought to replacing the now absent Spike the Bee with the squirrel as a foil. The animation is really less in quality by now.

12/23: Grand Canyonscope
Donald Duck. I think this is the only cartoon where J. Audobon Woodlore doesn't work at Brownstone National Park (and without Humphrey). Donald Duck is great in this short, on a trip to the Grand Canyon where he proceeds to act as the compleat Ugly American. I love the animation on his burro. Woodlore is always on him about what he can and can't do with the environment, even during a chase with Louie the Mountain Lion (best gag: Woodlore looks at Louie and says "But the last lion seen at the Grand Canyon was during the Civil War! Unless..." and Louie puts on a Confederate cap). The backgrounds by Eyvind Earle are impressive and elaborate; this was only the second Disney cartoon in Cinemascope (another great line: Woodlore tells the crowd "Spread out, folks, this is Cinemascope"). The widescreen adds some energy, I think, because the animators have more space to fill and rose to the challenge. Because not every theater was equipped in 1954 to show Cinemascope, and because there was no way at the time to turn a widescreen film into a standard film, two versions of the cartoon were made (in the other, Woodlore tells the crowd "Spread out, folks, it's a big canyon"). Plus, the widescreen version was distributed by Disney's Buena Vista arm, while the standard was distributed by RKO, whose deal with Disney wouldn't expire until the end of 1955 (Lady and the Tramp also existed in two versions). Therefore, this is one of Disney's most expensive shorts at $100,000. This cost of producing two versions is another symptom that led to the end of the shorts program. This short accompanied 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the first live action Disney film in Cinemascope.

12/23: 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA
For this film, Walt hired a new production team and made a picture different in flavor from his previous English films, but still retaining the feel of Disney. His director this time was Richard Fleischer, funnily enough the son of Disney's former rival Max Fleischer (Walt knew who he was and simply thought he was the man for the job). This was Disney's most ambitious film yet, his most expensive (in live action), and logistically a complex shoot. Knowing he would spend a lot of money on it ($4.5 million), Walt hired one big star (Kirk Douglas) and other well-known actors (James Mason--over Gregory Peck, apparently, plus Peter Lorre and Paul Lukas). His talent behind the camera was also experienced; for example, art director John Meehan had won two Oscars, one for The Heiress and the other for Sunset Boulevard. Disney also allowed a lot of time to develop the script and populate it with genuine characters (and even allow for some family style comedy). Even the Nautilus itself was lavish, built to scale (200 hundred feet long) and eventually ending up right in the Disneyland park. He even sent a documentary crew to film the story of the making of the film, which he aired on television and won an Emmy for! Nothing is wasted, I guess, and Walt insisted on perfection. The underwater scenes were filmed off the coast of Nassau (the same location used for the 1916 version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea), and closer shots on the deck were filmed in a specially-built tank in Hollywood. It all paid off, though, and the film was not only a hit, but critically well-received, finally proving that Walt Disney had a place as a live action film producer who could deliver a box office smash. This is still considered to be one of the best Disney films, and that's frankly because it is.

12/24: Siam
People & Places. Unfortunately, Disney has yet to release the People & Places series on DVD. I remember some beautiful shots from this, but I haven't seen it since I was a kid and the Disney Channel used to actually show these things.

All told, there were only 15 new films released by Disney in 1954. It seems like a sparse number for the studio, but this was shored up by a large number of re-releases. Films seeing another release this year were not only Fantasia and Pinocchio, but most of the segments from Make Mine Music and Melody Time (Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet, Casey at the Bat, Willie the Operatic Whale, The Martins and the Coys, Little Toot, Once Upon a Wintertime, and Two for the Record, a double bill of After You've Gone and All the Cats Join In).

Any money those releases generated was necessary, because Walt was giving most of his time over to the construction of his theme park. Once Disney and ABC had finalized their deal for the building and ownership of the park (which now included ABC getting all concession profits for ten years), someone at ABC suggested that Walt change the name of the theme park from Disneylandia to Disneyland. Walt announced that the park would open to the public in July of next year. It was bold considering the park existed in theory only and no building had yet taken place. In fact, Disney had people touring amusement parks across the country, trying to make deals for new equipment and not the same old rollercoasters and ferris wheels, and learning what not to do to bring in the public. It was around this time that Disney had just completed buying the 244 acres of land it needed near Anaheim, and the first orange tree was removed in August.

Meanwhile, the ABC deal included a TV series; specifically, 21 one-hour programs over three years. This was Walt's show Disneyland, and he would use it to effectively promote the park, himself, his studio, and his films. The first episode of Disneyland aired on 27 October, titled "The Disneyland Story" and detailing the efforts going into the construction of the theme park. So not only was Disney being paid between $50,000 and $70,000 for a single episode of the show, but they were being paid essentially to advertise Disneyland for an hour in a broadcast seen by an estimated 30.8 million viewers. On the second episode, Walt aired a truncated version of Alice in Wonderland, one of his biggest disappointment, and continued to the end of December with an episode about The Vanishing Prairie (which aired Seal Island), a compilation of Donald Duck cartoons, So Dear to My Heart, and behind-the-scenes looks at Lady and the Tramp and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and the next True-Life Adventure, The African Lion, in addition to a Christmas special and Davy Crockett, Indian Fighter, the first episode of the soon to be incredibly popular Davy Crockett series. One episode, "Undersea Adventure," which was little more than a well-made hour-long promotional special for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, won an Emmy. It also got Walt sued; footage of Kirk Douglas and his sons spending time at Walt's home and riding his train had, unknown to Douglas, been filmed and used on the episode. Douglas sued.

1954 was a busy year, and still Walt was planning for the future: he bought the rights to eleven of L. Frank Baum's Oz books with an eye to adapting them into films. He was also petitioning the federal court to dismiss Clement Melancon's lawsuit from last year. And, possibly to some amusement, the now-retired Mickey Mouse was banned in East Germany for being an "anti-communist subversive."

1955 would see Walt even busier as he raced to complete Disneyland. But it would not be a busy year for animation; only four shorts and one feature were released in 1955. Animation was quickly becoming the least concern of the studio that had once only existed because of it.

How Complaints of This Magnitude Should Be Handled

MC has a post up today about the infamous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction and how the fines for the, um, incident have now been dismissed. Nevertheless, MC feels (and I agree), the effects of the FCC's initial fine will be felt on TV for a time to come.

I can't believe it's four years later and we still even remember it, much less are still talking about it and still dealing with legal proceedings over a bare 9/16 of a second flash of boob. If you ever wonder why people in Europe think America is ridiculous, it's because of crap like this. No one in America is a grown up, apparently. Well, no, that's not true, because the people I'm friends with are grown-ups, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends, really. The problem is, grown-ups take things in stride; the very tall children scream loudly and mask their discomfort by pretending they have to sue over seeing a titty for the sake of protecting your children and your sensibilities because obviously you are unable to make these decisions for yourself.

Anyway, I think these complaints need to be dealt with in the following manner:

COMPLAINER: Your honor! I saw 9/16 of a second of nipple on television! Now, in addition to being traumatized, there are literally thousands of children watching the Super Bowl who have been scarred for life! They might even figure out what sex is and be degenerated morally by the mere knowledge of something every biological creature on Earth is aware of and in fact needs in order to keep the species alive and thriving! In the name of God, your honor, you must fine the stations that dared to air an infinitesimal moment of skin and moral terpitude during one of the nation's many annual paens to competitive violence!

JUDGE: It's just a boob, son. Grow up and get over it. You'll live.

Problem solved.

80s Revisited: The Hitcher

Looking back and such.

The Hitcher (1987)
Directed by Robert Harmon; written by Eric Red; produced by David Bombyk & Kip Ohman.

The Hitcher is, quite possibly, the worst movie ever made.

I don't even know how to approach it, but here goes. There is a basic plot: C. Thomas Howell plays Jim Halsey, a guy from Chicago taking a rideaway car out to San Diego. Somewhere in the desert he picks up a hitchhiker, John Ryder, played by Rutger Hauer. Now, picking up Rutger Hauer in the desert and giving him a ride seems like a sure ticket to hell, but it's okay, we didn't know that then. Ryder starts playing a little mind torture game with Halsey and threatening him with a knife, so Halsey manages to kick him out of the car and keep driving.

Of course, that's not the end of it. Ryder keeps playing this psychological game of predator and prey with Halsey. The thing is, there's a point to all of this and I can't really figure out what it is. I mean, what's the point here? Is it just nihilism? Is it supposed to be a meditation on the nature of chance and the way violence is inescapable? Is there some sort of homoerotic subtext going on? I'm not really sure what the point is, because it all leads up to a final moment that is neither surprising nor dramatic. What is the damn point of The Hitcher?

The movie is short on gore, but surprisingly long on intensity and pure psychological cruelty. Frankly, the movie loses me (as it did when I saw it in the late eighties) when Jennifer Jason Leigh gets pulled in half by a semi. Ryder has done this as a psychological test; he tells Halsey that if Halsey shoots him in the head, he'll be able to save the girl. But he doesn't. Even when someone's life is in danger, Halsey can't defend himself or anyone else. I guess this is supposed to be a very dramatic test of civilization versus instinct, but it doesn't come off. All I could think was, Look at all of the cops and EMTs and firefighters; no one has an axe to cut her free with? Give me a break, it's a semi. It's going to take him seconds to even get the thing moving, use those seconds!

A major problem here is that C. Thomas Howell is almost aggressively bland and one of the shittiest actors I've ever seen. His reactions are so over-the-top and cartoonish that I can't take him seriously as the character. Rutger Hauer is cool and intense and really looks like he's capable of slow and cold-blooded killing, which is Hauer's stock in trade (I fucking love Rutger Hauer). So the mental contest here is not only one-sided, it goes nowhere. It doesn't help that Ryder seems to be able to bend the laws of space, time and physics to just go in and fuck with Halsey's head.

I don't know, it just... what's the frigging point of this movie? It's not anything. It's just there.

Next time: looks like it might be Mannequin. Oy.

The Ladies at Court 39

Eliza Dushku, looking beautiful as ever.

Jess, I love the sentiment. Love it. But... can we talk about why you look like you've had a nose job? I loved that nose.

Sometimes Miley Cyrus's lack of poise is just painful.

Wow, look at Alexa Vega. Now that's poise.

Yay! Hilary Duff gained some weight back and looks like a healthy and beautiful girl again...
And she's going to need the weight if she plans on always having this much to drink. Sheesh.

Anne Hathaway and her lovely legs.

Anne Hathaway and her lovely legs on The Tonight Show.

I can't figure out if this picture of Ali Larter is hot or if it just killed all of my attraction to her.

Audrina Partridge and her breasts have certainly gotten my attention. Now that she has my attention, is she going to, like, do anything with it? What is it she does?

I think this is a beautiful picture of Penelope Cruz.

Jade Jagger. I have a weird fetish about the daughters of rock stars.

Theodora Richards. I have a weird fetish about the daughters of rock stars.

Abi Titmuss by the pool. Deciding to stop posing for topless pictures seems to have killed her career, but she's beautiful with or without clothes.

My MandyPants has started to date Seth McFarlane. Obviously she needs professional help. Maybe a sensory deprivation tank. Or just looking at the guy and watching an episode of Family Guy or two...

Yay, some Jennifer Tilly for a change!

Haven't seen Leann Rimes in a long time, either. She still looks good. Has she had an album out recently? She had a couple that I liked.

Wow, Mischa Barton looks hot.

Zooey Deschanel is absolutely beautiful. I love her eyes.

Zooey at the premiere of the Shyamlan movie. Grrrowl.

Zooey... what was I saying?

Song of the Week: "Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?"

Finally, a She & Him video! If you haven't heard their album yet, I think you're really missing some great music. Zooey Deschanel can do anything.

21st Century Political Discourse

BARACK OBAMA: The surge has not worked. Everyone knows it has not worked. I intend to end the occupation of Iraq and have troops withdrawn within 16 months of assuming the presidency.

JOHN McCAIN: The surge is working! You'd know that if you went there for yourself and saw what was going on, you traitor! I dare you to go! This is not politically motivated!

LIBERAL BLOGGER: Bliss, bliss, attend Barack Obama and step into the light!

UNAFFILIATED BLOGGER: Inflation is the worst it's been in 27 years! The Euro is stronger than the dollar! GM is having another wholesale downsizing! Experts say more banks will fail in the coming year!

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: George W. Bush saved this country! Let me lie with statistics to show you how no one is poorer than they were 30 years ago without adjusting for inflation!

SUPPOSEDLY LIBERAL MEDIA: Hey, look how much money The Dark Knight has made!

McCAIN: We need to stay in Iraq for 100 years or until they give up civil rights and Islam. That's not politically motivated.

PM NURI AL-MALIKI: Obama's got the right idea. It would be great if America could stop treating us like little monkey children who only got electricity last week and don't know how to run our own affairs.

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: How dare you?! Maliki is a traitor! He refuses to accept that he and his country are monkey children and that conservative Christianity and military might are GOOD and Islam is BAD.

McCAIN: The surge is working! PM al-Maliki would know that if he went there for himself and saw what was going on, the traitor! This is not politically motivated!

LIBERAL BLOGGER: Obamamania! Iraq is on the side of the great one! Huzzah!

UNAFFILIATED BLOGGER: We all knew Bush would fuck everything up but you still voted for him? What's your problem, America?

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: Love it or leave it! If you hate it here, get out! This is OUR time! At last, the rich white Christian minority is FINALLY running America! Boys kissing is the greatest evil in the history of the world!

LIBERAL BLOGGER: Obama farts rainbows and heals puppies with his magical healing gaze of orgasmic healing.

AL-MALIKI: Actually, I was mistranslated. I didn't say I supported Obama's plan at all.

UNAFFILIATED BLOGGER: Well, what was it you actually meant to say?

AL-MALIKI: Hm?

LIBERAL BLOGGER: NPR and Jon Stewart and Obama in an orgy of intellectual smugness and warm fuzzy feelingitude, oh my!

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: Take that, Obamaniacs! Nice try, but al-Maliki doesn't support your Messiah's plan at all!

UNAFFILIATED BLOGGER: Of course, he does support an eventual withdrawal, he's said that several times.

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU TO VOTE McCAIN!

SUPPOSEDLY LIBERAL MEDIA: OMG! Miley Cyrus is showing her belly again in private photos!

MICHELLE MALKIN: [unintelligible screeching noises]

UNAFFILIATED BLOGGER: And isn't anyone scared that Bush acts with impunity, claims executive privilege where there isn't any, and changes the laws to retroactively make legal the crimes he's actually committed? I mean, FISA gives him a lot of power to just sort of do whatever he and the entire executive branch want. The excecutive branch includes government departments, too, you know.

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER: If you haven't done anything wrong, then you have nothing to fear. FISA keeps us safe! And even Obama voted for it!

LIBERAL BLOGGER: Wait... he did?

SUPPOSEDLY LIBERAL MEDIA: Look! There's a new iPhone!

OBAMA: I'm going to go to Iraq and see things for myself, the way Republicans always challenge me to do.

McCAIN: That's politically motivated!!

SUPPOSEDLY LIBERAL MEDIA: Angelina Jolie whelped twins! America is blessed!

Sunday Hottie 181

KAREENA KAPOOR

Thomas M. Disch 1940-2008

I just find out that Thomas M. Disch committed suicide on 4 or 5 July. He wrote the novels 334 and Camp Concentration, as well as a great, great book about how much science fiction has influenced our daily lives, The Dreams Our Stuff Is Made Of. And many, many more great stories, novels, and poems, really. He was fantastic. I have no idea why he elected to kill himself, but I'm sorry to see him go. And I'm sorry the death of SF authors rarely makes the news...

I've always loved Disch's novella The Brave Little Toaster, and I choose to memorialize him here with the poem that opens it:

Lives there a man with soul so dead

He's never to his toaster said:

“You are my friend; I see in you

An object sturdy, staunch, and true;

A fellow mettlesome and trim;

A brightness that the years can't dim.”?

Then let us praise the brave appliance

In which we place this just reliance.

And offer it with each fresh slice

Such words of friendship and advice

As “How are things with you tonight?

Or “Not too dark but not too light.”

New Lyrics Master 23

This week nearly all of the lyrics were guessed correctly (except for one of the world's most-recorded standards, oddly enough), but it was Chance who took it with five correct answers, pulling him into a tie for second place with Royal Cyclops. Since I've already given out the Beatles (to Chance, funnily enough), he gets Tom Petty this week:

Next week, even more. Probably with some Beatles. What can I say, they're all over my iPod right now.

***************
Ten more random lyrics from the recesses of my iPod.

1. “Me, I’ll take the laughter and the tears and make them all my souvenirs.” Elvis Costello, "She" (Chance)

2. “I pick a moon dog; well, you can radiate everything you are.” The Beatles, "Dig a Pony" (Chance)

3. “Limitless undying live which shines around me like a million suns, it calls me on and on…” The Beatles, "Across the Universe" (Chance)

4. “It’s got a backbeat, you can blues it.” The Beatles, "Rock and Roll Music" (Chance)

5. “I was takin’ a walk when I say you pass by; I thought I saw you lookin’ my way, so I thought I’d give you a try.” She & Him, "I Was Made for You" (Becca)

6. “I just found joy, I’m as happy as a baby boy with another brand new choo-choo toy.” R. Crumb and His Cheap Suit Serenaders, "Sweet Lorraine"

7. “She could hear the cars roll by out on 441, like waves crashing on the beach.” Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, "American Girl" (Chance)

8. “There are too many questions. There is not one solution. There is no resurrection. There is so much confusion.” Madonna, "Love Profusion" (Becca)

9. “Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted, blue since the day we parted; why, why did I ever let you go?” ABBA, "Mamma Mia" (Captain Incredible)

10. “Pack up all my cares and woe, here I go, singing low...” Ringo Starr, "Bye Bye Blackbird" (Captain Incredible)

I'm a Member of the Libertine Party, Myself

When I see the news that Barack Obama's numbers are going down so that his 15% lead over John McCain has vanished overnight (it's now 3%), I wonder where those voters are going. McCain's numbers aren't going up, really, so the Obama supporters who are frustrated over FISA and religious funding must be going somewhere. But where?

I did notice that, after Obama scored the nomination, there were a lot of Clinton supporters who stopped the fighting and accepted it. That was nice, especially after two months of hearing the irrational "I'm a-gonna vote for McCain, then, because Obama is teh evil!" I also see that the support for Clinton hasn't died, either; she's still a hit with audiences when she speaks for Obama to raise money and votes. There was some talk that Obama was so left-leaning that he needed to pick a nutjob like Jim Webb as a running mate to mollify the right. Now he's straddling the middle and could probably pick anyone he wants. Maybe he should pick Hillary Clinton. His surefire win is in doubt these days, and Clinton would probably, surprisingly, be a populist choice that might put him over the top.

Of course, the right hates Clinton so much they'd ramp up their attack. About the only good that's come of Obama's tapdancing around his positions is that the right no longer knows how to attack him other than resorting to the old "Obama is a Muslim" crap. Which kind of says a lot about what Muslim Americans can expect from the right wing.

I wonder if that 12% of the voting body who no longer feels comfortable giving Obama their backing is moving elsewhere, to other parties. That would be interesting. It's pretty obvious that America just cannot sustain itself as a two-party system. I think a lot of people feel like it's a choice between the evil of two lessers, as Michael Moore once said. As though you have to support one or the other and never be satisfied by either. I wonder how the Libertarians are doing these days. They've got Bob Barr up this year, a man who finally admitted that the war on drugs was costly and ineffective. Most people in America seem to think Libertarians are anarchists or commies, but they really aren't. Given the current climate, I wonder how they would do if they focused on the failures of the two majority parties and outlined their ideals specifically for America instead of yammering on about ferret rights and stuff like that which makes them look like crackpots.

I'm not advocating Libertarianism as the way to go. But I am saying this whole two-party deal is like choosing between a shit sandwich and a shit burger; it's disgusting and it's insulting, but it's all the store has on sale and you have to eat something. We need a few parties in there to really open up the debate. Because there is no debate anymore on freedom or ideals or policies. We're doing that on our blogs. In Washington, they're simply debating one party's plan over another in one giant loyalty test. And that's not governance; that's a damn circle jerk.

The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder

Well, after reading Vincent Bugliosi's argument that there is sufficient grounds to build a case against George W. Bush for the crime of murder, I have to say, I'm convinced. And this actually isn't me being all angry and anti-Bush. It's quite easy to say that Bush should be prosecuted for murder; it's another thing entirely to do what Bugliosi has done, which is to outline the reasons for it and the means to pursue it.

The linchpin here is whether or not Bush knew that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He used that as the reason for invasion, and if he knowingly lied about it, then he knowingly created a situation where people were going to lose their lives and can be prosecuted for murder. It's fascinating to see the legal justifications here, especially if you've been as frustrated as I am that Bush has been lying for years and keeps getting away with it. What it's going to take is enough people to pursue this and not let him get away again.

Of course, if you're pro-Bush, you're not going to find much here to agree with. It's not a rant, but it is biased against the President. Bugliosi presents a reasoned, rational case (although he does spend too much time convincing you of how smart he is; not only that, but smart in some kind of rare, special way that not enough people are, and that's a real turn-off--just present your evidence and we'll decide if it rings true or not). And it can be read by someone without a significant knowledge of legalese, which is nice, because some of it just seems so arcane.

I recommend this book for everyone who wants to see that something can be done about this man and it can be done using the system.

Emily Osment Comes Out

ME: Ha; I just read this story that said "Disney starlet Emily Osment came out for Disney and ABC's TCA All Star Party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Thursday." I admit, I checked it out because the headline read "Emily Osment Comes Out."

BECCA: Oh, man, I wish.

Star Trek: Filled to Capacity

You know what? I'm looking at this picture of the guy from some Lindsay Lohan vehicle as Captain Kirk and it makes me think... I'm done with Star Trek now. I mean, not like I hate Trek now or something like that. I'm just... full. I'm full with Star Trek. I'm done. I'm not interested in any more. I don't need any more Star Trek in my life, because I've had a LOT of Star Trek in my life and there isn't room for any more. I've had all I really want or need.

Throwdown 7/18

Random thoughts, questions, and observations for the week.

1. The Dark Knight opens tonight. You might not have heard about it, what with the little attention it’s received so far. Seriously, what is with the hype blitz these days for a movie like The Dark Knight? Think how much Hollywood could do for a film that needs the help—or an actual good cause—with the amount of money that was spent these past 18 months raising awareness for a 69 year-old fictional character and marketing enterprise that everyone in the world has heard of and who’s being pushed a lot by guys like me on our blogs, anyways.

2. Alan Horn at Warner Bros. finally had something to say about the long delay and reshoots on Where the Wild Things Are: “We've given [director Spike Jonze] more money and, even more importantly, more time for him to work on the film. We'd like to find a common ground that represents Spike's vision but still offers a film that really delivers for a broad-based audience. We obviously still have a challenge on our hands. But I wouldn't call it a problem, simply a challenge. No one wants to turn this into a bland, sanitized studio movie. This is a very special piece of material and we're just trying to get it right ... The jury is still out on this one. But we remain confident that Spike is going to figure things out and at the end of the day we'll have an artistically compelling movie.” Translation: “We don’t know what to make of it, it makes kids cry, we’re dumbing it down.” And it’s no surprise, really; I mean, they’ve got a ton of money tied up in this movie and they want to get it back. They’re not going to get it from me, but I’m sure someone will give it to them. Call me when the original version is on a torrent or DVD. (Besides, it’s not like Hollywood is out of ideas. I mean, Weinstein just greenlit Scream 4, Piranha 3D, The Six Billion Dollar Man, a Scanners remake and a Seven Samurai remake. Also, Paramount is remaking The Monster Squad.)

3. I also caught the Watchmen trailer at the Apple website. Predictably, I didn’t think overly well of it (although I really like the stylization and the Dr. Manhattan effects). My biggest problems are with the svelte Nite Owl and the 15-year-old Silk Spectre. Those casting decisions kind of cut down the entire characterization for both of them. Of course, I've long said Watchmen could be done as a film, so I’ll reserve judgment for now. Parts of it look really good. My other problem with the trailer is the phrase “from the visionary director of 300.” I loved 300, but compare Zack Snyder’s pointless Dawn of the Dead remake with Watchmen and check out the difference. You know how Zack Snyder became visionary? By completely appropriating the visual style of 300 creator Frank Miller. I guess that alone makes Robert Rodriguez a “visionary” too. Except Rodriguez went back to his own visual style after he made Sin City…

4. I keep hearing a lot of shit about how Lindsay Lohan might or might not be a lesbian and in a relationship with DJ/singer Samantha Ronson, and I’m kind of wondering… who really cares? I mean, it doesn’t really make her more interesting, so why is it my fucking business?

5. On the left is Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan’s daughter. On the right is Jennifer McDaniel, Hulk Hogan’s girlfriend. As Skull would say, creeeeeeeepy.

6. By the way, I think it’s great that Brooke Hogan gives back to society by letting blind people do the makeup for her photo shoots. Seriously, young ladies, you are wearing entirely too much blush these days. You used to look like trannies, now you look like clowns. How about looking like… I dunno, women?

7. Miley Cyrus says she plans to remain chaste until she’s married. I bring this up not because she’s so obviously not a virgin (as the constant stream of personal photos “accidentally” ending up on the internet attest), but because she’s the latest in a long line of pop tartlets to boringly define herself by her virginity (and this is only the latest of a few times she's said this, like she needs to keep reminding people). I think it takes a particular kind of smug disrespect for the intelligence of your audience to even bother talking about your sexuality at such a young age in the first place, and then to try and sell yourself on your supposed purity. It’s still cynically selling sex, isn’t it?

8. AGH!

9. Kris Kardashian, mother of Kim and the others, was on the radio talking about her daughter Khloe (oh, God, how I hate that spelling) going to jail for violating her probation (she didn’t do any of the stuff she was actually supposed to do for probation and has 30 days in county to think about it). And, sweet Jesus, Kris actually agrees with the verdict. She said her kid fucked up and has to pay the price for not doing what she was supposed to and that this serves as a lesson that no matter how rich or privileged you are, you have to take responsibility for yourself. None of that Hogan family excuse, none of that Kathy Hilton “we’re better than regular people” bullshit… but actual parenting! I’m just floored by that, but in a pleasant way. And it’s so sad that that kind of thing is the exception rather than the norm.

10. Okay, paparazzi once reported a fake fire alarm in Maggie Gyllenhaal’s building so they could get pictures of her outside of her apartment with her five-day-old baby? Why do people care about celebrity babies so much? You know what they look like? Like fucking babies! Babies all look the same, and they’re of no interest to anyone other than their own parents, which is the way it fucking should be. All babies look, as Robin Williams once said, “like a little old man dipped in forty-weight.” That’s it. The paparazzi just get scummier and scummier and it really shouldn’t be against the law to hit them with cars or, you know, fists.

11. Quick note to gossip bloggers: when talking about the new pictures of Gisele Bundchen with the holes in the jeans, she’s not bearing her butt, she’s baring her butt. The term is bare. A bear is an animal; to bear is to hold or possess something. Technically, Bundchen is always bearing her butt.

12. Susan Atkins has terminal brain cancer and thinks she should get out of jail because of it. I don’t care if living in prison is actually making Susan Atkins’s terminal brain cancer grow faster, there’s no way she should be allowed to live her final days in freedom. Susan Atkins is the woman who actually murdered a pregnant Sharon Tate, tasted her blood, and used it to scrawl the word pig on her front door. She has brain cancer and is going to die within six months. She wants to be freed so she can spend her last days of life on the outside, in freedom, breathing the free air. You know what? I’m sure Sharon Tate would’ve loved to have the same privilege afforded to her. Atkins has never once displayed any remorse for what she did. As far as I’m concerned (and the LA district attorney is concerned), she can spend her final days in her cage and reflect for a change on what she’s done wrong.

13. Miss USA fall down, go boom. Hey, she’s still got her hotness to fall back on. By the way, I was watching something during the morning news last week about how one of the beauty queens, Miss Some-State-or-Other, was in some kind of scandal because she was on tape drinking or something and was a total bitch. I mean, I was shocked. Who, I ask you, who could have guessed that young women with no marketable skills who devote their lives to being in objectification contests to determine who is the prettiest and most fuckable girl in their town/state/country/planet could be vain, indecorous, totally into themselves, and not very smart? I mean, these are role models! It’s a role model, being the most fuckable girl in town, isn’t it?

14. Muslims in Australia opened their doors to take in international Christian pilgrims during World Youth Day celebrations. See, the thing most people don’t seem to get about Muslims is that Muslims are people like you and me, and they’re pretty content to just live their lives when they’re not getting bombed into oblivion by the US and Israel.


15. Can we stop allowing people to push political candidates on the news if they’ve got absolutely nothing to say?

16. Okay, one good story to end this with: Heinrich Kieber from Liechtenstein went and stole banking information that shows how the richest people in the world are skirting their countries’ tax laws. He then sold the information to tax authorities in 12 countries, including the United States (in Italy, their names were published). Germany has arrested several prominent CEOs who evaded millions of dollars in taxes. And UBS Bank has been implicated (a former banker is even plea bargaining). So it looks like some people are finally going to get screwed on not paying their taxes.